My ex’s husband always oversteps with our son’s babysitter; he isn’t in control

“I know it’s not easy to find a good and reliable babysitter, but there’s no need to treat Kyle like he’s fragile.”

Paul* and his ex-wife Rachel* have had an arrangement for babysitting their child for years.

They share one son, eight-year-old Ryan*, who spends his time split between his two parent’s houses. 

Whenever required, they hire the local babysitter, Kyle*, who frequently watches over the kids in the neighbourhood.

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Kyle has been babysitting Ryan since he was little. Picture: iStock

Tensions rising between babysitter and step-dad

“He's been working with us since [Ryan] was five,” Paul explained on Reddit. 

They started using this babysitter around the same time his ex-wife remarried her first husband, Liam*, who she’s known “since high school”. 

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The other day, Rachel and Liam asked the babysitter to watch over 8yo Ryan while they were working from home.

During the day, Ryan asked the babysitter if he could have a soft drink as a treat, and Kyle said, “Sure, but they could share one”.

Here’s the issue: Rachel and Liam were trying to “limit his soda intake”, so they were apprehensive about the kid sharing the drink at all. 

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“[Liam] interjected and said it wasn't a good idea to give soda to [Ryan] because he'll start asking for them,” dad Paul said.

In return, the babysitter “said it was cool because they were sharing and it was a sugar-free ginger ale”, but the 8yo’s stepdad wasn’t having it, rejecting the offer once again. 

Then, things continued to get more awkward. 

Later that evening, 8yo Ryan was taking a bath and asked for someone to supervise him.  According to his father, Ryan “typically likes to have someone in the bathroom with him so he can talk to them (except his mum)”.

“So [Kyle] was in the bathroom with [Ryan] and talked about magic tricks,” Paul said. But when Ryan’s stepfather walked past, he quickly told the babysitter the 8yo was “too old to have bath supervision”. In response, Kyle told him to “go call [Paul] or [his ex] to see if they weren't fine with it”.

The tension didn’t stop there. “Later [Kyle] told [Liam] not to tell him what he can or can't do,” Paul recounted. “He doesn't work for [Liam]. If he has an issue, then take it up with me or my ex.”

Things escalated further, with Paul and Rachel agreeing that the babysitter worked for them, not Ryan’s stepdad.

“I apologised to [Kyle] for what happened,” Paul said. “Later, [Liam] apologised too and said he had a lot of noise in his head and took it out on him and [Ryan].” But when Paul asked his ex-wife to also apologise to the babysitter, she flat-out refused. 

“She asked, ‘Why would she apologise?’” he said. 

“I said, ‘For what he went through’. She said she fixed it and wasn't going to apologise. I said,  ‘No, you didn't fix it. All you're doing is making him feel like you are annoyed with him or he's not appreciated. It's like not saying thanks for going above and beyond’.” 

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“I’m not even sure what your ex did that was wrong”

The people of Reddit certainly had strong feelings about this awkward situation. 

Some argued that Paul forcing his ex-wife to apologise to the babysitter felt unnecessary. 

“First, I hate meaningless apologies; it's disingenuous,” someone wrote. “Second, it sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill and being super technical about what happened.” 

“I’m not even sure what your ex did that was wrong,” another agreed. “I don’t think your ex is obligated to apologise; that’s her decision, and if I were her, I wouldn’t either because, honestly, these two adult men could have fixed this issue without involving her to this extent.”

“I know it’s not easy to find a good and reliable babysitter, but there’s no need to treat [Kyle] like he’s fragile,” said a third. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s had to deal with an overly opinionated parent or stepparent.”

Then, others shared their opinions on the babysitter. 

“Wait…I’m the only one thinking [Kyle] is overstepping?” read a comment. “He comes off a bit cheeky to [Liam],” another agreed. “Especially with the soda thing.”

At the end of the day, everyone agreed they should just drop it entirely. 

“You guys should just move on from it because if I were [Kyle],” a comment read. “I’d be getting sick of all these adults real quick.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My ex’s husband always oversteps with our son’s babysitter; he isn’t in control