My teen wants a public YouTube account: this is why I said no

"Alarm bells immediately rang; but I also admired her ambition. Still, I had to weigh the pros with the cons."

Shona and her daughter. Source: supplied

Parenting a tween has its challenges and for me, a lot of these stem from the online world and the promise of ‘everything’ it seems to offer (according to my eldest, Addi at least).

Now, I can't help but partly blame myself and my husband because we are both from media backgrounds and are quite creative - genes which have been passed onto Addi who has had her own YouTube account since her tenth birthday. 

But before I get a whole lot of nasty accusatory comments sent my way, her account is private, she does not feature her face, name or any identifiable features. She uses it to share videos of her gaming as she narrates (just like her favourite You Tubers do).

This has been something she's done for about an hour or so each week, during the screen time she was permitted. And while it worked well for a couple of years, allowing her to pursue her creative path online and love of gaming too, more recently Addi has been requesting that her private account become public so she can, as she puts it “become a famous YouTuber.”

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Shona and her daughter. Source: supplied

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"I admire her ambition, but..."

When she first asked about this alarm bells immediately went off because the internet is a scary place (even for me).

And people can be cruel, which although it may be a fact of the world, isn’t one that I am wishing my daughter experience via comments on the videos she does for fun.

But on the other hand, I admire her tenacity and do understand why she wants to do this; it was this indecision that prompted me to sit down with her and have a really good conversation about it, something experts in the field of online safety encourage.

When I broached the topic with Addi, she was initially hesitant about having an open discussion that may not go the way she wanted but overall, it went well.

Talking through the very real dangers, with examples of them occurring to kids of a similar age to her was a lightbulb moment, it allowed her to see that the warnings she often hears at school and by me aren’t to scare her, but rather to demonstrate that bad things can really happen.  There can be strangers who have bad intentions, that you can be hurt by incidents that occur in the digital world.

There are also lots of people who pretend to be something they are not.  That really got her attention. 

"Why would they do that?" she asked me, and I had to be honest with her about grooming and predators.

The other thing I did talk to her about is the price that some influencers pay for going viral - like cancellation, and vicious trolling, and also little privacy.

Even though I felt sad about giving her this information, it also had to be done. I think this approach was much better than having a knee-jerk reaction - that as a mum I had to restrain myself from doing. 

Ultimately, we decided - together - that her private YouTube channel would be enough for now. To get around we can work out some more innovative ways (i.e., adopt Marshmallow masked persona) to help her achieve the stardom she desires and if this doesn’t work, internet stardom may have to wait for a little longer.

While I know, probably not too far away, we will sit down again for another chat about it but at least, the dialogue is open.

And if you haven’t done it already, I reckon that now, on Safer Internet Day, is no better time.

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How to talk about internet safety with with teens

To assist, Jacqueline Beauchere, Snapchat’s Global Head of Platform Safety provided some tips to help parents navigate conversations with their teens about staying safe online. 

• “Take an interest” Acknowledging how important a teen’s digital life is to them is a crucial first step. Taking an interest and initiating conversation can make young people feel understood and supported by a trusted guardian who’s always there to chat. 
  
  
• “How does this work?” Learning about your teen's favourite apps and games can help you understand how to support them having a healthier and safer experience online. Most apps or platforms have a page for parents. For example, Snapchat’s guide for parents explains what Snapchat is, how parents can use the app and our rules to help keep people safe.
  
  
• “Help them understand” You might not be a tech expert or know every platform or app, but you can help your teen understand how actions online may impact them in the ‘real’ world. Understanding the risks of talking to strangers – and even sharing with friends – and why it’s important to protect personal information are life skills we all need to know, online and off. eSafety in Australia has great resources for parents and young people. 
  
  
• “Respect boundaries” It’s natural to be concerned about what your teen is doing online, especially if they’d rather you didn’t add them on a platform. Setting boundaries that consider your teen’s privacy while focusing on their safety is challenging, yet fundamental. Devices, platforms and services have a range of parental settings on offer. Look into what’s available on the apps your teen loves and explore ways to build trust by discussing these tools and agreeing with your teen on how to use them. Snapchat’s Family Centre suite of tools allows parents and carers to set parameters, while still respecting a teen's privacy.

• “Report it, don’t ignore it” Encourage your teen to confidentially report any problems to the platform or service involved, so they can take action. (Snapchat’s Family Centre tools allow parents to report issues directly.) Reports can also be made to eSafety, or the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE) in Australia.

While the conversation with Addi went well, and for the time being, her public YouTube stardom awaits; I know, probably not too far away, we will sit down again for another chat about it. But at least now the dialogue is open and that's the best a parent can hope for.

Originally published as My teen wants a public YouTube account: this is why I said no