My daughter is the 'weird kid' and I fear she'll never have friends

"She confessed she doesn't know why no one likes her. Could it be what I suspect?"

Eleanor Katelaris

3 min read

August 16, 2024 - 12:47PM

Primary School

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A mum recently asked for advice on how to help her daughter, who was feeling anxious about starting Year Three.

The mother shared, “My daughter is starting third grade, and she told me the other day she was nervous to start school because she’s the weird kid, she doesn’t have any friends, and she doesn’t know why no one likes her.”

She added, “I’ve always told her to be herself and ask the other kids to be her friend... but I am socially awkward and have anxiety with new people, as does my husband, so we’re not the best role models for making friends, lol.

“I don’t know if there’s anything I can or should do, but any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!!”

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"We can’t control school, but we can make them feel safe at home"

Fellow parents related to the mum's concerns, and shared their advice.

Firstly, one user recommended exploring hobbies and after-school programs where the daughter could potentially meet like-minded friends.

“Hi! Mum with no friends with a lonely little boy with no friends, here! Just wanted to say my heart hurts with you. Are there any hobbies she likes? What about club or after school programs where she would be able to meet others she might click with,” they wrote.

“Also, double down on doing things with her. We can’t control school situations, but we can make them feel safe, wanted, and secure at home. You, too, can be a best friend :)” she continued.

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"I was a weird kid"

Others echoed this advice, saying that the more involved your kids are with activities, the more friends they’ll likely make.

“I would recommend finding an extracurricular activity that she's interested in. Bonus points if it's not affiliated with the school. I was one of the weird kids in school, but I found similarly weird kids at gymnastics, art clubs, camps, etc,” said one.

A self-confessed ‘weird kid’ at school added: “Find something that she likes to do, and she will find friends. I was the weird kid in school, but I was in the band, played several card games, did soccer for several years, and read tons of books, through these activities I met lots of friends. At some point she’ll also figure out that everyone is weird, even the ‘cool’ kids.”

Then one mum told the OP that this age can be a particularly trying time for kids socially, so she shouldn’t worry too much about it being a reflection of her kid - or her - specifically.

“I think around year two and three they kinda go from the little kid thing where they just play with peers who are physically present and don't think about it, to being conscious of having to relate on a deeper level.

“Suddenly, you're aware of being observed and judged by people around you. And things get more cliquey, esp with girls. So some of this is just that transition and is fairly common. There's a lot of social shuffling that goes on from year one to to six.”

Finally, one group member told the the mum to embrace her ‘weird’ kid, as it makes them unique.

“I LOVE the weird kids,” they wrote. “They’re the kids who stand out because they don’t just go with the flow. They’re generally not the followers. She might not be the leader today, but later in life, she’ll stand out, too, and with your guidance through the next five years, she can get there confidently, embracing her weird.”