Mum called 'manipulative' for using old school discipline on son

"Extremes like this happen when you are not parenting properly: I was permissive parenting. I did not hold a boundary," an expert responded to the clip that's divided thousands.

It sounds so wrong in 2024, but there was a time when some of our parents pretended to drive off without us as punishment for not getting into the car when asked. Remember that (trauma)?

It could be triggered by leaving a playground, or a birthday party - but according to the internet, it seemed to be a 'done thing' in the 90s and early 2000s, as a way of teaching kids to listen when they're told to do something.

It's an 'old-school' tactic that one mum used recently - and of course she filmed and posted the incident. But responses to the clip were not entirely as she might have expected.

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"She told the little guy three times"

It all began when a clip-sharing TikTok account posted a video of a little boy (about five or six) in tears and terrified, chasing his mum's car as she drives away.

The mum has her window down, and is yelling out, "You should have got in the car when I told you to! How many times did I tell you to get in the car?"

She finally stops, and her little boy stands there, waiting for her next move. Finally, she gives him permission to get in the car.

Source: TikTok

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The caption reads: "She told the little guy three times."

The viral clip has now been viewed more than 600k times, and the 13k-strong comments section is very divided.

There was the "That's not good parenting, that's excellent parenting," camp, with people "born before 2000" applauding the mum.

It included comments such as "Lil bro will never be late again," and "I did this and my kids respect me for raising them right. Good parenting is hard to find these days."

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"Parenting is leading and not expecting a child with 20% of your maturity to do your job"

While many could relate to the parenting in the original clip, others had a more modern perspective, in line with 2024.

Parenting Coach Annaliese Murray stitched it to her own video, with commentary on why she thinks the mum is using "manipulation" and "abuse", not teaching consequences.

"Extremes like this happen when you actually are not parenting properly. I was permissive parenting. I did not hold a boundary. I allowed my child to ignore me a number of times, then I got angry and exploded, and now my child is going to pay for me not being the leader in the first place.

"That is the cycle of permissive parenting.

"Do not ask your children more than once. And then you actually lead. You get up and walk over to them, take their hand and guide them to the car.

"Parenting is leading and not expecting a child with 20% of your maturity to do your job."

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Murray explained her stance in more detail, exclusively for Kidspot:

"The reason it is manipulation is because the parent is not actually going to leave them, the parent is tricking them into believing they will leave them to serve the parents own purpose.

"The definition of manipulation is 'to control another person using deceitful or unfair means, to suit your advantage.'

"It is emotional abuse because the child believes the person they love and trust the most is truly going to abandon them, causing emotional pain while parents are the ones abusing that trust and love.

"The definition of emotional abuse is 'non physical behaviours that are meant to frighten or control another person.'

What wild be an appropriate consequence for the child?

Murray answers, "The consequence is that the child is late, but my suggestion would be instead to train your child in their routine, once their jobs are done only then are they able to play. You may have to keep this routine on the weekend to keep them in the habit of being ready on time.

"If refusing to get in the car is a regular thing, then start the routine 20 mins early and start getting them in the car 10-15 mins early so you can prepare for them to refuse to get in."

Other options are:

"Make it fun and chase them into the car, have a car only toy they get to have only once they are in the car and buckled up, or remove something they like to do until they are in the car. Some parents have an 'on the way to school snack as motivation."

Murray, a mum of one herself, says that holding boundaries and being consistent is paramount.

Originally published as Mum called 'manipulative' for using old school discipline on son