Leave Mummy Wine Time alone: Mums are adults, and they're allowed a drink

"If we entrust them to care for their kids, we can also extend them the courtesy of assuming that they are perfectly capable of deciding when, and how much, to drink." 

It’s Friday night, and I’m coming to the end of a long week.

I’m working part-time at the moment while my second son waits to start childcare, so most days, it feels like I’m both working and parenting full-time. 

I’ve logged off for the weekend, kids are fed and bathed, stories have been read, negotiations have been had, and both kids are finally - finally - asleep.

And all I want, personally, is a large glass of wine.

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Image: Zoe Rochford

RELATED: No, ‘mummy wine time’ isn’t self-care, it’s dangerous

"I love a glass of wine"

I know a lot of women go off alcohol altogether during their pregnancies, but I wasn’t one of them.

I only indulged in the occasional drink over the 18 cumulative months I have been pregnant, but while friends of mine loved going off the booze so much while pregnant that they never jumped back on the bandwagon, even after their kids were born, I remained desperate for one.

What can I say? I love a glass of rosé. And now that I can safely drink one, I see no reason not to do so.

It’s a sentiment echoed online by women all around the world, so much so that “Mummy Wine Time” has become a commonplace phrase. It’s gone from a slightly guilty secret two mums might share over text to something that’s all over social media, spawning memes, TikToks and even merchandise.

Listen to Emily and Leah unpack what Mummy Wine Time really means on Kidspot's Mum Club Podcast. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

But of course, like anything that’s popularised all over social media, the tide is starting to turn on Mummy Wine Time.

Critics say it’s a dangerous habit that sets up alcohol as a “reward” for getting through a day of parenting. They say it promotes drinking culture and impacts women’s health. I’m not saying they are necessarily wrong on all counts - binge drinking is dangerous, especially if you have children in your care, and excess alcohol consumption can cause long-term harm.

But I do notice that the critics of Mummy Wine Time are often conspicuously silent on drinking culture that doesn’t focus on women or parents.

I rarely hear people questioning a man who cracks a beer at the end of a working week, or even women in the workforce who join their team for Friday night drinks.

Image: Zoe Rochford

RELATED: ‘I’m a ‘wine mum’ and proud’

"When mums do it it's sinister"

It’s generally accepted, rightly or wrongly, that alcohol is an acceptable “reward” for reaching the end of a working week, but public sentiment seems to be that when mums take the same approach in their own homes, or on a “Mums Night Out”, it’s somehow more sinister.

In my view, criticisms of Mummy Wine Time that focus on the risk to mums or the children in their care comes off as infantalising, painting mums as somehow more likely to lose control of themselves where alcohol is concerned than anyone else. Given that we entrust mums with the most vulnerable members of our society - our babies and children - I think we can also extend them the courtesy of assuming that they are perfectly capable of deciding when, and how much, to drink.

I wonder whether part of the issue is that people who whine about Mummy Wine Time don’t actually think that mums have worked hard enough to “earn” a reward in the way their working counterparts do.

As far as I’m concerned, being a mum doesn't make you less deserving of a wind down than any other profession. On the contrary, let's face it, mums probably need a wind-down more. Motherhood is more intense than any office job on the planet: the hours are horrific, weekends are non-existent, and no matter how hard you work, the to-do list never gets any shorter.

Being a parent is the most mentally and physically draining job I’ve ever had, and I know millions of parents across the world would jump to agree with me.

It’s up to individual mothers to decide how best to manage their own stress when they’re carrying the weight of raising little people on their shoulders. In a best case scenario, that would involve a whole range of self-care measures, from regular exercise to a balanced diet to socialising one-on-one with other adults.

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with throwing a drink in the mix for good measure. After all, show me any mother on earth, and I’ll show you a lady who’s bloody well earned it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m desperate for a wine.

Originally published as Leave Mummy Wine Time alone: Mums are adults, and they're allowed a drink