I’m literally left holding the baby while he resumes his old social life

"He's already gone away overnight four times for a piss up with his mates."

Most new parents will attest that a baby changes the relationship's dynamic. Sadly for most of them (and this writer) the only way to really understand this is after it happens.

"A mum with a one-year-old is one such parent; she's taken to an advice forum this week  to ask if it's normal that her world has completely changed, but her husband's hasn't -at all.

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"I resent he leaves me alone"

The exhausted mum explains:

"He has already gone away overnight four times for a piss up with his mates. 

"This is an annual tradition, four times yearly, but since having a baby I resent that he leaves me on my own.

"He is also expecting to be able to go away for 4+ days skiing with his friends, and a week away in the country with his parents and sibling.

"It feels unfair because we don't have family or friends who can help out and I'm literally left holding the baby while he resumes his old social life. I could never have a night away because she refuses to let him comfort her over night when she wakes up.

"And also, I don't want to be away from her for many nights on end, I find it odd he is okay with that.

"AIBU to be resentful of him continuing to spend time away from the family for his own social gain? It makes me angry, and I feel like I can't stop him."

Image: iStock

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"Is he taking the piss?"

One commenter agreed that his behaviour sounds a bit cheeky: "Going on a family holiday without you is definitely taking the mick but a night or two here and there? That’s fine and I’d actually encourage it as long as you get the same once baby can be left."

Many agreed with that advice, with this person adding: "He will have to cope and build relationship with his kid. My partner was a sole carer for his daughter when his ex had PND and simply couldn't cope with the baby. He remembers it as being the worst time in his life but he did it and they have an amazing bond."

She continued: "If you 'couldn't do it', that's a choice you are making. He is OK not to make the same choices.You are on your way to becoming a martyr. Don't. There is nothing wrong with him being away for four nights a year and there is nothing wrong with you doing the same."

It's also interesting to note this very direct advice:

"You are partially responsible for this situation yourself. I can't so you can't - is not a very grown up way to conduct a relationship.

"You do, I don't want to but I feel bitter - also not healthy and your own issue.

"You do (and it looks fun) so I want to too - perfectly reasonable. Ask DH to help get to the place where baby IS comfortable with being looked after by DH, and go and do stuff.

"If DH is obstructive, then you have a problem."

Originally published as I’m literally left holding the baby while he resumes his old social life