I'm breaking my kids' vegan diet imposed on them by my ex

"Veganism can be used as a manipulation or alienation tool against the other parent. I know... it happened to us."

"Before you all jump down my throat, give me a chance to explain."

This is how a dad's controversial post on the interwebs begins, when he asks if he's made the right call in going against his ex-wife's wishes on their kids' vegan diet.

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"I'm entitled to do whatever I want"

The dad explains in the post:

"I was with my ex, Venus, for over 10 years, from when I was 15 until I was almost 26. I am currently 31.

"Venus was raised a vegan and has never (to my knowledge) eaten meat or any animal product. While we were together, we had three boys, M11 Mercury, M9 Jupiter, and M7 Mars."

The man explains that initially, he became vegan because of his partner, and has generally remained that way even after their breakup.

"During this time, I had to be very careful with what I ate to ensure I got the proper nutrients, and my food bill every month was sky-high. I also had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety.

"About three months ago, I slowly started to reintroduce meat into my diet, and since then, I’ve felt so much better. I haven’t had to buy loads of vitamins or carefully plan my diet to ensure I got every amino acid or avoided deficiencies, and my food bill dropped."

Noting the major difference, the dad began to take a closer look at his sons' diet.

"I also started doing research into kids who are raised vegan and found some things that made me nervous. I read that vegan kids can sometimes be shorter and might need supplements for things like B12, calcium, and iron if they aren’t getting everything they need from their diet.

"They’re also all in about the 5th-15th percentile for height and weight, which made me want to check in with the doctor, which also made me very concerned after I learnt that their vegan diet could have impacted this.

"I was never a short kid, but I think I just assumed they were just short for their age."

Image: iStock

But the GP had other ideas.

"He recommended introducing meat and animal products into their diets to see if it would help with growth.

"So, following that advice, six weeks ago I decided to slowly introduce animal products into their diets whenever they had their time with me, but it has been slow. I don't want to introduce it too fast and I gave them the choice with all the information I had and with what the doctor said.

"I informed Venus about this and she was furious with me, saying how I’m just doing it to be vindictive to her, when I’m not. And that if I don’t stop she is going to go back to family court and get the Child Arrangements Order changed so she has full custody of the boys and I only get visitation. 

"I told her that this was recommended by their GP and she said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’, when that is not true, it was during my time with them I am entitled to do whatever I want."

"They're your kids too"

The consensus on the post was stated by the top comment: “They’re your children too. You’re doing it in consultation with a medical professional and allowing your children to choose.”

Another wrote: "Just stick to what the GP says. As long as you are doing it for their health, any judge will prefer you over their mum if it ever comes to custody battles."

Others identified more insidious problem, such as this person who said, "Veganism is sometimes used as a manipulation or alienation tool against the other parent.

"The reason I know... This happened to us. We were the meat-eating family and the step kids' bio mother was a vegan. They began seeing our house as the bad house that eats meat and began 'lecturing us' etc.

"Just something to keep an eye out for if it happens and she uses the veganism against your household."

That person then added: "From your description it already sounds as if she is. There is actually a term for that. Look up the term alienation. She is alienating the kids from you when she speaks negatively about you to them which causes them to not like your place as much."

For sound, fact-based medical and professional advice on veganism and children, see your doctor and/or the Raising Children Network.

Originally published as I'm breaking my kids' vegan diet imposed on them by my ex