I’m a busy mum with a toddler - so your wedding isn't making the cut

"The social obligations that were manageable pre-baby are now impossible."

It’s Saturday night, and I’ve been invited to a wedding.

In an ideal world I’d be shouting “I love this song!” while sipping bubbly as the DJ plays ABBA’s ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’. 

That's not my world anymore. I'm living in my toddler’s world now.

Weddings are extravagant, magical and joyous events; we don't belong at one, so please don't even invite me.

Not during my toddler era.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

RELATED: I have 17 dirty nappies lying around my house

"No way I could relax"

I threw out the question to my mum group chat: Does dealing with a wedding stress you out? I got a unanimous yes. The social obligations that were manageable pre-baby are now impossible.

Take my friend Chantelle. She recently took her toddler to a wedding - a round of applause for her bravery. 

“She wanted to touch the DJ equipment, she wanted to run around, she wanted to sing. Like no way I could relax,” Chantelle said. 

She even shared a hilarious video of chasing her daughter around the dance floor, water bottle in hand. 

“Can’t even enjoy a wine, because I need to make sure Elora is hydrated,” she joked.  

It’s not just the logistics, though. For me, it’s the anxiety that’s only intensified since I became a mum 16 months ago.  

According to Panda, 1 in 5 women experience postpartum anxiety. I am part of that statistic. Weddings don’t exactly do anything to assist with the mental load of being a working mum. 

Lauren and her daughter. Image: supplied

RELATED: I took my uninvited baby to a wedding

"It was mental torture"

During my maternity leave I was invited to two weddings. 

One was interstate - hard pass. 

The other wedding was my first time leaving my son for more than an hour.

I couldn’t have been happier for my friend who married the love of her life - but the entire time I was in panic mode. Consider my fight or flight triggered.

Would I be able to sneak away to use my breast pump? Would it even work correctly? Was I mentioning my baby to the other guests too much? Did I look okay in my dress? Were my parents handling my baby’s feeding and sleep schedule while I was away? It was mental torture. 

I left the wedding feeling guilty for not being present, both for my baby and for my beautiful friend. Many brides wouldn’t be so understanding of that internal conflict. 

Weddings, in this phase of motherhood, are like a harsh spotlight on the isolation you already feel. They reflect back all the ways your life has changed—and not always in a fun, progressive and celebratory way. 

The wedding invitation my husband accepted stared at me for months, taunting me with memories of my life before someone called me ‘mama.’ But while he was off celebrating, I embraced the quiet at home.

I slowed down bath time, soaked in extra cuddles, and once my little one was asleep, I indulged in TikTok’s latest book recommendations on my Kindle.

Weddings will always be there. My son at this adorable age won’t; and I won't be the mum to him I want to be if I go.

Originally published as I’m a busy mum with a toddler - so your wedding isn't making the cut