‘I refused to be my sister’s surrogate, I couldn’t think of anything worse’

“Now she says I’m stopping her from creating a family for no reason”.

Ever since identical twins Erin* and Daisy* were little, they knew what they wanted in life. 

Erin and Daisy’s mother passed away during labour due to “provider error” at the hospital, and they were raised by their father. 

After years of legal battles and emotional scarring from “how we came into the world”, Erin decided she never wanted to become a mum. 

Her sister was a different story.

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“Would the expectation be for me to do this every time?”

Daisy always pictured herself becoming a mother and thinking about “wedding ideas, nursery themes, and baby names”.

“When we graduated high school, we went straight to college,” Erin explained on Reddit. Daisy met her boyfriend at university, and “once she graduated, became a stay-at-home girlfriend until she became his wife”.

RELATED: 'I got pregnant at the same time as my surrogate'

She’s been married to her husband for eight years and has always hinted at the idea of becoming a mum, something her sister has always known. 

However, after a devastating car accident, she miscarried and was told it was unlikely she’d ever have children. Despite this news, she and her husband have “spent thousands and thousands of dollars” on IVF and “pretty much anything they could do” to have a child. 

Five years passed, and without any luck, Daisy and her husband started exploring other options. 

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One afternoon, when the twins were watching TV at Erin's house, Daisy decided to ask her sister “a serious question” that she had been holding in for a while. 

“She asked if I could be her surrogate,” Erin wrote, who was “frozen” by the question. After asking for clarification, Daisy said she “needed” her sister to be her surrogate.

Erin’s never been shy about her feelings about becoming a mum, and while she’d have “zero issue with donating my eggs to her”, she “could not carry her child”. 

The moment Erin’s answer came out of her mouth, Daisy hit the roof. “She became so angry,” Erin recalled. “Her face was so red, and she was just yelling about how it’s obvious how jealous and hateful I am because this is a small task.”

Sorry, is surrogacy a small task, really?

To make matters worse, Daisy has always dreamed of having four children. “Would the expectation be for me to do this every time?” Erin wondered. 

Standing firm in her decision, Daisy “broke a picture of us I have sitting on my mantel and stormed out” of the house. 

Later that evening, Erin received text messages from Daisy filled with photos of her childhood diary and vision boards, claiming Erin was “stopping her from creating a family for no reason”.

And before you ask, adoption is out of the question. “My sister isn’t interested in adoption,” Erin wrote. “And is very adamant [about] having a child that has both of their DNA (her words, not mine).”

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“How is this a ‘small’ task?”

Online, everyone agreed that Erin should stand firm in her decision, no matter how much her sister tried to wear her down.

“How is this a ‘small’ task? It’s not like getting cookies from the grocery store!” read a shocked comment. “The absolute gall of saying carrying a pregnancy was ‘one small thing’? I mean, for real?” asked another.

One person put it best: “It's your body, and you have the right to decide what you do with it.”

Someone else pointed out that since Erin had never had kids before, she wouldn’t be a suitable candidate for surrogacy anyway. 

“Most doctors would refuse to allow you to be a surrogate as you've not previously had children,” read a comment. “Not to mention, she's asking her sister to sacrifice her body and potentially her life to fulfil her dream... that's not fair at all.

 “If she can afford IVF, she can afford a surrogate.”

“You offered a fine compromise. She refused it. That's on her,” said a second. “She can pay for the egg retrieval costs and pay for a surrogate to carry.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘I refused to be my sister’s surrogate, I couldn’t think of anything worse’