'I invited my son's friend for a playdate. Her dad's response floored me'

"It’s just a generation thing."

Nine is such an innocent age. It’s the age of backyard dirt under fingernails, friendship bracelets that break after a week, giggles over fart jokes. Boys. Girls. It doesn’t matter - they’re just kids.

When blogger Kiwi Families shared a message exchange between two mums about a proposed playdate - and the dad’s uncomfortable response about his daughter having a boy as a friend -the internet erupted.

The first mum reached out, suggesting a playdate for their nine-year-old son and his friend - a little girl from school. She also floated the idea of a bit of mum chat while the kids played. Normal, right? The reply, though, wasn’t quite what she expected.

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The reply was not what this mum anticipated. Image supplied via KiwiFamilies.co.nz

No boys allowed 

After talking it over with her husband, the other mum declined, saying he just didn’t feel comfortable with their daughter having a boy as a friend. "It’s just a generation thing," she explained.

That phrase - ‘just a generation thing’ - lit a fire in the comments. “It was a generation thing to smack kids too,” someone pointed out. Another wrote: “If this is how they treat boys at nine, imagine what teenage years will look like.”

While another commented: “Imagine discouraging your child from friendships just because of gender. That’s… bleak." 

Some were more measured: “All families roll differently. I’d just say ‘ok, no worries’ and move on.” But for many, the post tapped something raw: the way old-fashioned ideas can sneak into our parenting, shutting down the beautiful, messy, innocent connections kids build naturally.

The sadness cuts both ways. There’s a boy who has to learn that his gender is a reason for rejection, and a little girl taught that boys can’t just be friends. And there are parents stuck in the middle - wanting to respect other families’ choices, but also wanting to raise kids who know friendship doesn’t have to come with conditions.

Because here’s the thing: nine-year-olds don’t see gender politics. They see someone who makes them laugh. Someone to sit with at lunch. Someone to trade Pokemon cards with. They’re not measuring the possibilities of romance or the perceived dangers of ‘the opposite sex.’ They’re kids. And they’re figuring out the world in their own, beautifully imperfect way.

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When boys and girls can’t be friends

The truth is, it’s complicated. On one hand, parents have every right to make choices for their children. On the other, we all want to raise kids who see friendship as friendship - not something defined or limited by gender.

One commenter wrote: “Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. Seems your husband is stuck in the 1950s. It is a shame he is dictating who your daughter can be friends with… all the best when she’s a teenager and never been allowed to have male friends.”

Another shared: “I asked a mum once if we could carpool our fifth graders. She said she was uncomfortable with her daughter being in a car with a boy. Fifth grade! It’s madness.”

Of course, some said we should respect it: “You respect it, explain to your son what boundaries are and that they might look different family to family and then you walk him thru what it means to respect it.”

RELATED: 'Mum, why aren't I ever invited to anything?’

Maybe that’s true. Maybe there’s wisdom in accepting that not every family thinks the way we do. But maybe, too, there’s room for gently nudging the world forward - one conversation at a time - so our kids grow up knowing they don’t have to put friendship into little boxes labelled ‘boy’ or ‘girl.’

Because here’s what we do know: the way we talk about this stuff matters. The way we help our kids process rejection, unfairness, and prejudice - it matters. And while there might not be a perfect script for how to handle this kind of situation, there is a way to let our kids know that kindness is never the wrong choice. That respecting other families doesn’t mean agreeing with them. And that sometimes, the best thing we can do is keep talking, keep asking questions, and keep reminding our kids - and ourselves - that friendship doesn’t come with conditions.

Originally published as 'I invited my son's friend for a playdate. Her dad's response floored me'