I have a new boyfriend. Do I tell him now or later that I'm married?

"Is he going to be one of those people who can’t accept my past... or my present?" 

Hinge. Bumble. Tinder. The world of online dating is a wild place and not really one I can recommend so far. 

I mean I’ve only been online for a few months and am already ready to switch my accounts off. 

The initial rush felt awesome. I joined Bumble because I heard women have the power there. Right on. 

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And the likes came flowing in. I had to get the hang of the swipe thing. On Bumble you can swipe or conveniently use the tick and cross buttons at the bottom of the profile. I found that safer than using the old swipe when I swiped the wrong way on a fellow I most definitely wasn’t interested in.

Awkward.

Some of these guys look decent, but there is not much decent conversation to be had. A quick hello followed by weeks of silence isn’t my idea of a great time. Nor is: “Wat u doin'.”

Guys, I’m a mid-30s woman who likes words. This is not the way to my heart. 

Oh, and I'm married.

Image: Supplied

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An awkward near-kiss and phallic profile photos

I did meet one guy IRL and had a lovely time eating sushi. Then after the date he walked me to my car and leaned in for a kiss as I involuntarily made an eeek sound and backed away. Lovely guy, just a complete friendzone for me and I know I’ll be haunted by the sound I made for a very long time. Shameful. 

So, then I joined Hinge. That one has the old swipe left, swipe right scenario going on too. Not great for anyone who gets their lefty loosey and righty tighty mixed up when they are a little tired. 

There are a few more interesting prompts on this app, and you can add video and voice notes to your profile too. Turns out I have a thing for a deep voice and live for those voice notes. 

I haven’t been sent any d!ick pics yet, and I’m almost disappointed with the lack of stories to tell the gals. Unless you count the guy who had a photo on his profile of a dog running with a giant rubber phallus in his mouth. That one definitely got sent to the group chat before I made certain to swipe the right way (I swiped NO, thank you very much). 

Amongst all of this, I did find a lovely guy who seemed fairly normal and after a while, we decided to go on a date. 

Image: Supplied

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"Do I tell him now or on the date that I'm married?"

Then came the awkward part: do I tell him I’m married? My gut went with yes. I mean, I am separated, but I am married. If I had to fill out forms in front of him (getting ahead of yourself there, lass?) I’d be ticking the 'Mrs' box because legally, I am. 

Do I tell him now or on the date? Again, I had to think about his one. My gut said do it now to see if I’m wasting not only my time but his if he didn’t like the response. 

And his initial response was a corker: "Hmmm interesting."

Oh dear. Is he going to be one of those people who can’t accept my past? Because it’s not just one tiny suitcase at my feet, it’s a giant one. 

After some time, the speech bubble popped up on my screen and the reply said it was fine, he expected people our age to have some baggage. 

Thank God. Because if that wasn’t hard enough, the slightly uncomfortable conversation about our last relationships came up on the date and I had to explain the whole crazy story of how I’d only separated a few months ago from a six-year marriage but me dating was definitely approved by my psychologist. I did mention baggage, dear reader, I did. 

I guess I’m sticking with honesty as the best policy when it comes to dating while technically married. I mean I’m not going as far as putting it in my profile and letting people know I’ve just jumped on the train heading for divorceville, but I’ll most likely tell anyone I’m going on a date with. 

Maybe. 

Carli Allen is a freelance writer who is recently separated and is navigating the path to divorce. 

Originally published as I have a new boyfriend. Do I tell him now or later that I'm married?