'I gave my tween coffee, even though it's against my wife's religion'

"I feel she's over-reacting... but maybe I shouldn't have broken our agreement?"

Parents Jared* and his wife, Eden* were both raised Mormon, but Jared left the church about four months ago, while his wife and son stayed.

Jared has now started drinking coffee, as he "no longer thinks it's bad," he tells Reddit's AITA forum. 

Mormons follow a health code known as the Word of Wisdom. According to its guidance, they are advised to avoid "harmful substances" such as alcohol, coffee, and hot drinks other than herbal teas.

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"I feel like she is overreacting"

Jared and Eden had previously agreed that their 11-year-old wouldn't have the option to drink coffee until he was "at least 16", and thankfully, he has said he doesn't like the smell of coffee or anything coffee-flavoured anyway. 

However, the other day, the dad took the tween to a town fair where there was a booth handing out coffee samples. And with his new lax approach towards the beverage, he found himself loosening up on the rules for his kid too. 

"I tasted a cup, and he was asking constantly to try a taste. I gave him a tiny bit, expecting that he would also find it gross," the dad said.

But much to the dad's surprise, he actually enjoyed it and rushed to tell his mum as soon as they got home.

"I didn't even have time to discuss it with her," Jared recounted.

"She is very upset with me and thinks I ruined our trust. I probably shouldn't have let him have the coffee, but I feel like she is overreacting, so am I the asshole?"

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"Not intentionally breaking his wife's trust"

In the comments, people were divided into two main camps. 

"I really don't think OP is TA for giving his child a small sip when he clearly was not intentionally breaking his wife's trust," one person wrote. 

Someone else said: "There is a difference between allowing your child to drink coffee and allowing them to taste coffee. Just as there is a difference between allowing your child to drink wine and allowing them to taste wine."

"Your kid isn't going to develop a dependence on, or even feel the effects of, caffeine from a single sip any more than they would with alcohol," pointed out a third.

Image: IStock

However, some disagreed, with one person writing: "But he clearly was betraying his wife's trust. It's against their religion. HE has started drinking coffee, since he is no longer practising, but his kid and wife are still Mormon and they agreed no coffee for the children."

"I am going to say YTA just because it was something you agreed on with your wife beforehand, even though it is no big deal in and of itself, but you did have that agreement with her. I don't think it is worth a fight over, but I would understand why she is upset. It is about breaking the agreement and not really about the coffee," another Redditor said.

And finally, this person could see both sides, writing: "You did both have an agreement to not allow the children till 16. And while you did leave the church, I imagine the agreement still stood.

"Seeing this from her aspect, it does seem like a breach of trust/agreement.

"However, in your aspect, I feel it was an unconscious reaction to allow him a sip since he seemed excited to try it.

"Personally, I don't think it's that deep of an issue, and it's definitely not a hill to die on."

Originally published as 'I gave my tween coffee, even though it's against my wife's religion'