I gave my sons 'the talk' when they were toddlers, now they happily buy tampons

The NSW mum taught her son about bodily autonomy, sex, consent and puberty when he was a toddler, and she thinks more parents should do the same.

When *Elizabeth's teen son went to buy pads for his girlfriend, he didn't think anything of it. 

It wasn't until a staffer at the chemist commented that not many young men his age would comfortably do that.

"He said, 'but it's just normal stuff that women need. Why would anyone be embarrassed?'."

That point of view is exactly why the NSW mum decided to teach her three children about puberty, sex and consent from the moment they could talk.

"We treated it like any other thing our bodies do," she tells Kidspot. "Toddlers understand more than you think."

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Elizabeth's children are comfortable with all aspects of puberty. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"From early toddlerhood, we started with bodily autonomy"

Elizabeth's eldest son, who is now 21, knew from a young age what sex was and the logistics of it. As he got older, they also spoke of the emotional side of intimacy. 

"From early toddlerhood, we started with bodily autonomy," she explains. "We've talked about how different people like different things and that's ok as long as everyone consents."

They comfortably broached topics such as consent and respect for their own bodies and other people's bodies, how and why bodies change during puberty, what to do if something doesn't seem right within their own body, why people have sex, social expectations around sex and relationships, and why people get periods and how to help them. 

Elizabeth previously experienced debilitating periods, which aided the lessons on the latter topic. 

"The kids all knew what was going on and how to help," she says. 

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Elizabeth taught her three children about puberty, sex and consent from a young age. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

Buying pads is no different than buying toothpaste

The mum-of-three's eldest son has even bought sanitary products for his 11-year-old sister when required, and the young girl has been able to help school friends who unexpectedly started menstruating at school.

The nonchalance to personal hygiene products had also trickled down to Elizabeth's middle child, who was now 15. 

"My middle son just puts them in the trolley without a fuss. None of the kids thinks it's any different than buying toothpaste."

Elizabeth's drive to ensure her children are prepared and informed about life's more intimate moments came from her own upbringing, which was the polar opposite.

She explains that her strict Catholic upbringing demonised sex and relationships outside of marriage. 

"Nuns told me I'd get pregnant if I talked to boys on the bus. My parents bought me a book and never talked to me about it," she says.

"So many of my friends had bad things happen to them because they didn't know. Also, they were embarrassed about their periods and wouldn't seek medical help or advice in case they were judged."

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Parents, have the talk "as soon as you can"

While schools often include "puberty talks" in their curriculum, Elizabeth thinks the onus also falls on parents to ensure their children understand that puberty and sex don't need to be giggled about with friends.

Ignoring the topic just makes it appear to be "shameful" or taboo, so there is a real need to normalise these conversations. 

"If you make it out to be something dirty or shameful, kids will hide things from you," she says. 

"They need to know the correct names for all their body parts and what's ok and what's not ok. They need to know to protect themselves from STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault -  and know that if any of these things happen - they will be supported without judgement. They also need to understand consent - both for themselves and their partners."

Elizabeth encourages parents to sit down and have 'the talk' with their kids "as soon as you can", and shared some simple advice: "Don't make it a big deal".

*Elizabeth's name has been changed for privacy reasons

Originally published as I gave my sons 'the talk' when they were toddlers, now they happily buy tampons