Help prepare your kids’ transition from primary to high school

It’s a big change for children when they move from primary to high school. Australia’s number one parenting writer, Dr Justin Coulson, reveals his tips on how to make the transition easier.

• How to deal with the back to school blues
• Helping kids adjust to changing schools

You’ve spent the past seven years at the same school. You know the secret hideouts in every playground and which teacher will let you get away with stuff and which definitely won’t.

You know the rules and how to bend (or break) them. You are, in short, a great big fish in a little, tiny pool. Then suddenly, you are thrust from the shallows and into the deep. It’s big, it’s unknown, and it’s full of kids who are much more grown up.

Change is never really easy. And moving from the comfort and warmth of a small primary school to a big impersonal high school is a major change for students. But if we recognise the challenges, we can help prepare our kids and ease the transition.

What are our kids worrying about?

Caucasian male elementary school student smiles at the camera in his classroom. His classmates and teacher are in the background.

Getting to and from their new school can be a big worry for kids. The high school is likely further away, perhaps even in another suburb. Will they be taking the bus for the first time, or cycling?

Then they’ll need to learn the layout of a complex school. For the first time they’ll have to navigate between classrooms, and manage a timetable. They’ll have to ensure they have the right books at the right times.

Our kid’s brains have to internalise all these new routines and, while the prefrontal cortex is still developing in the young teen brain, it can be tricky.

Socially, friendship groups might be broken up, and new peer groups take over.

MORE FROM DR JUSTIN:

WHY PARENTS SHOULD DELAY STARTING THEIR KIDS IN SCHOOL

PARENTS NEED TO RESPECT THEIR TEEN’S PRIVACY

Academic expectations will increase, including the amount of homework, the number of teachers and the subjects that need balancing. And while all of these challenges are occurring, our kids are undergoing intense and rapid hormonal and physical changes. Poor kids!

But while the transition may be difficult, there is a lot that we can do to help them prepare.

Emotional Preparation:

First, build your child’s confidence. This is not something that we do overnight. It’s a long-term process that involves us helping them develop a sense of identity, building their competence (so they feel confident) in favourite activities, developing their strengths and assuring them that you’re there for them if they need you. Having that safety net of caring parents is invaluable for young kids heading off to high school.

High school can be a daunting experience for new students but there are ways to help get them through it, Dr Justin says.

Second, name their emotions when things get tough. Your child might feel embarrassed by the things they are worrying about — like how to find the toilet. Let them know, “It’s OK to feel worried or afraid”.

If you can name those emotions you can tame them. If they’re really worried, give them in fantasy what they can’t have in reality — acknowledge that “it would be so good if you could keep your friends together and school never had to change” so they know you get how they feel. It doesn’t change the reality but it helps a child feel understood.

Dr Justin Coulson says you can emotionally and practically prepare your child for high school. Picture: Mark Cranitch

Third, let them know that worrying is the brain’s way of warning us that something new is coming. And worries motivate us to take constructive action. Of course, too much worrying or worrying about things that are unrealistic (“Everyone will hate me”) or unknowable (“What if….”) can be bad. But as long as we don’t let them control us, some worries are completely normal.

Fourth, be positive. Don’t overdo it, of course. If your child is really worried, telling them to cheer up because it will all be fine is unlikely to help. However, research shows that our positivity can foster more positive attitudes in our kids, and even increase their academic potential. It can literally change how their brains work for the better.

Practical Preparation:

Practically, there are many ways we can help ease our kids’ worries. First, visit the school. Take the mode of transportation they’ll use each day. Make sure they know the route, and what to do if they miss the bus or their bike gets a flat. At the school, walk between the classrooms. Find the lunchroom and the toilets. Answer any questions they might have (like what to do if they get lost).

Second, what changes can you make at home to make things easier? Does your child need space to work? Will they need access to a computer, or your help with homework? Work with your child to make sure their needs are being met at home.

Third, encourage your child to join after-school or lunchtime activities, which are an awesome way for kids to find their place in a new school and make friends.

The primary to secondary school transition is a stressful time but it is also a wonderful and exciting time! And with our help, our teens will find themselves easing smoothly into their high school years.