‘He doesn’t want to come to my party’: Mum’s outrage over RSVP to party invite

THE mother of a five-year-old autistic boy is outraged by how another mum responded to her son’s invite. But was it really that bad?

Talk about handling the RSVP situation badly. Picture: Facebook

DO YOU remember the anxiety of having a birthday party when you were a kid?
Deciding who would get the precious 5-10 spots your parents had allocated and the painstaking decision of which cake to pick from the Australian Women’s Weekly Birthday Cake Book.

Then there was the ceremonial handing out of the invitiations. That s**t was cutthroat and heart breaking. Kids that didn’t make selection would walk away devastated questioning all that they held dear.

Good times!

A couple of days ago a lady contacted my Facebook page about her son’s birthday party and well … I’ll let you read it for yourself.

“Hi Em, something happened today regarding my little 5 year old boy that I wanted to share, well rather vent about.

My special little man is 5 and soon to turn 6. He’s in grade 1. He is autistic and although high functioning he is uber sensitive due to self confidence issues & anxiety, he has a tremendously hard time building friendships. Both common traits for people on the spectrum. I should also point out that his special needs are widely known throughout his rather small school.

This year is the first time ever that he has plucked up the courage to invite a handful of his ‘school mates’ to his party as opposed to his normal chosen crowd which consists of a few friends he has grown up with since he was a baby and 3 of his cousins. Yesterday he proudly yet discreetly handed out 5 invites to his chosen fave people at school. He was so shy but at the same time so very proud & excited.

Then today happened. After school when I collected my boy he was really anxious and visibly upset. Once we were alone he told me there was something in his school bag for me to see. It was one of the envelopes containing his birthday invite inside, ripped open (actual invite still inside) and the parent of the child had scribbled on the front. My boy said to me with tears in his eyes “**** doesn’t want to come to my party he didn’t like the invite & gave it back to me”.

My heart broke. Then fury and disgust set in. WTF is wrong with some people?! Why the hell wouldn’t you take the invite home and simply send a SMS stating with apologies but **** will not be able to make this party.

So set me straight babes ... Am I being RIDICULOUS here? I would not have thought that adults/parents in this day & age needed to be taught social & common decency, respect & kindness towards RSVP’ing to a child’s birthday party. To do this to any child is deplorable but to one with special needs is just unthinkable. Love to know your thoughts?”

Here is a picture of the offending invite:

Talk about handling the RSVP situation badly. Picture: Facebook

First off OUCH, right off the bat, ouch. That is would be brutal for anyone, of course my initial reaction was bloody hell, bitches be harsh.

What would possess a mother to scrawl serial killer style on the front of an envelope like that?! Why did she give it to her child to give back to the boy (who by all accounts everyone knows has special needs) instead of just sending a text or not replying at all?

From what I can gather her own child was having a birthday party on the same day. I think that’s what it says. So maybe she was annoyed at a competing party?! I don’t know, I’m just trying to understand her motives.

On the surface this seems like a super insensitive thing to do to a little kid, hell not even on the surface it just is. If it were me, I would approach her and ask if everything is OK. I think she seems a bit stressed, I think she needs a secret hip flask by the canteen and a heart to heart.

But then something else started bothering me. Something I know that I am guilty of doing.

I think it’s time we stop trying to protect our children from occasionally getting hurt feelings. I mean obviously we hurt their feelings all the time. We can, we’re their parents! I call mine little dickheads under my breath and sometimes a tad louder, but if someone else DARES bad mouth my children they best prepare for a paddling.

But I have come to realise I am not helping my girls build resilience if I’m constantly stepping in as mummy lion, ready to rip the heads off anyone who does them an injustice. My eldest is 14 and MY GOD it is a teenage jungle out there. My resolve to step back a little is tested daily.

Last week I had to sit on my hands as I watched her argue with a boy from her class on Facebook about feminism. He was swearing and calling her names, it was all quite vicious. All I wanted to do was rip the phone off her and school this little s**t on equality. I didn’t but only because my kid is stronger than me and was able to wrestle her phone back off me twice.

Side note: Can we stop for a moment to appreciate that my child was discussing 3rd wave feminism! At her age I was arguing with my mates about which hotmail address to pick: [e-mail] or [e-mail]. (Jason obviously won out, Luke was playing a high school kid at the age of 47.)

So while I’m not disputing that this RSVP situation was a bit s**t, I think everyone will be OK. I think it shows this little boy that in life not everyone is going to do the kind thing. I appreciate that he has his own set of difficulties being on the spectrum, but even then we can’t always be there to act as human shields for our children.

Eventually we have to let them figure out how to cope with a broken heart.

That all being said, I hope that the little boy has the most kickarse party. I also know that when he is high on snakes, chocolate crackles and fizzy drinks he won’t be thinking twice about the invite situation. I guarantee it!

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Facebook.

She’s currently touring her new show ‘Not a Diva’ around Australia.

Originally published as ‘He doesn’t want to come to my party’: Mum’s outrage over RSVP to party invite