Chappell Roan’s comments on parenting divide social media

Women have been left staunchly divided after pop singer Chappell Roan ignited the internet with her comments about parenthood.

Mothers and childless women have been left staunchly divided after pop singer Chappell Roan controversially said she “doesn’t know anyone who’s happy with children” at her age.

The Giver singer, whose real name is Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, recently appeared on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast and spoke about what it’s like to go back to her hometown now that she’s famous while everyone else she knows is married with kids.

The 27-year-old said she doesn’t know when that would be “realistic” for her, and host Cooper asked if that was even something the Hot To Go singer wanted.

“Part of me is like, is it even gonna be legal to marry, like, my wife one day, you know? I don’t know,” she said on the podcast.

“But kids? All my friends who have kids are in hell. I actually don’t know anyone who’s like, happy and has children at this age. I literally have not met anyone who’s happy — anyone who has like light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”

The pop icon, whose fashion is inspired by drag, said she doesn’t even know why her own parents went through with it, saying her mum gave birth to her first child at 23 and had three more. Chappell Roan was also referencing her friends, who all have children between the ages of one and five.

However, the comments prompted division. Mothers felt the need to defend their own happiness, while child-free women stood by the singer and said she in no way attacked mums.

Chappell Roan on the Call Her Daddy podcast. Picture: Call Her Daddy/YouTube

Why mums are mad

Mothers came out in full force to defend their choice to have children at various ages.

“Chappell Roan going on Call Her Daddy saying none of her friends with kids are happy is a prime example of why you cannot just vent to anyone because I guarantee she has this perspective because a few of her mum friends are going through it and may a friendship like that never ever ever ever find me. May the friendships of narcissistic childless women with no sense of loyalty ever find me lol,” one person posted on X.

Another said: “When Chappell Roan says she doesn’t know anyone at her age that’s happy that has children and you’re her age and happy with child.”

One unleashed: “Selfish people will never understand selfless joy. Chappell Roan went on the Call Her Daddy podcast to bash her friends with kids saying ‘all of them are in hell, they have no light in their eyes.’ Becoming a mother is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Someone else weighed in: “Chappell Roan said she doesn’t know anyone that’s happy with kids. Well I’m one, I love my son more than I love anything else in this world, yes it can be a hard job, but it’s the absolute greatest job in the world. Sorry that you’re almost 30 and to busy being a ‘pop star’.”

The singer said she personally didn’t know any parents who were happy. Picture: Jason Kempin/Getty Images

A childless woman went so far as to call the pop star’s comments “misogynistic”, and it wasn’t her place to tell people “not to have children”.

One mother, Bianca Henderson, went hard on Chappell Roan’s comments, calling her a “negative” person and said mums “can’t get that upset” as they wouldn’t want to be “friends with her anyway”.

“It’s really funny because I feel like what she needs is a child to bring that happiness and bring that love in her heart, because she clearly knows nothing of what that feels like,” Ms Henderson said.

“And it’s hard to speak on it, if you’ve never experienced it.”

Why some have defended the singer

But, others defended Chappell’s comments, including popular Australian media personality Abbie Chatfield.

“Chappell Roan said that she doesn’t personally know any parents that are happy, and all the parents that she doesn’t personally know and are apparently so happy came on here to prove how happy they are by making angry content,” Chatfield said.

The media personality and podcaster said when it was pointed out the Pink Pony Club singer wasn’t making a sweeping statement, but a personal one, the parents then became mad that she was “discouraging people from having kids”.

Chatfield, 29, asked why people cared so much about this fact, particularly if they were so happy.

“It’s very interesting because there are obviously parents who love being parents but I don’t think they’re on this app making content, angry that a pop star said they aren’t happy,” she pointed out.

The TV host called it a “strange” reaction, and said it was odd that parents always felt the need to come out in full force to defend their decision when childless people questioned whether parenthood was for them.

Bianca Henderson was offended by the singer's comments. Picture: TikTok/@biancaxhenderson

One called the comments 'misogynistic'. Picture: TikTok/@horridvenus

Meanwhile TikTok user @plzdontbuythat said as someone who is close to Chappell’s age and has sole custody of her five-year-old she struggled with happiness daily. She said she loved her child, and her situation was unique, she never gets a break.

“There is typically one night a month where he goes to spend the night with my parents, and while the previous 29 days I have been daydreaming about the day I finally got a break I usually sit on the couch and cry I miss him so much,” she said.

“When he’s not with me, a part of me is missing. Doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Two things can exist at the same time.”

She said part of the issue is women are sold this idea that motherhood is the most fulfilling thing a person can do, and nobody warns you about the hard parts of it.

Flawed system

Others pointed out that Chappell Roan’s comments were not what people should be fired up about, but they should be angry about the “war on mums”.

TikTok user @livigoldi said there was a “war on mums” but it wasn’t what Chappell Roan said — she said it was the “government trying to put you in jail for having a miscarriage”.

“Lets put the anger where it belongs,” she said.

Charlotte Palermoni said Chappell Roan saying her friends were miserable had very little to do with the children but instead the “systems in place that make it nearly impossible to have a family unless you are extremely wealthy”.

She said at 38, she has only recently considered starting a family but now she has fears about miscarriages, gun control, cost of child care and lack of immunisation. She also pointed out how parents are treated when they ask for help.

Abbie Chatfield defended the singer. Picture: TikTok/@abbiechatfield

Psychologist responds

Carly Dober, principle psychologist and clinic owner at Enriching Lives Psychology, told news.com.au: “It doesn’t surprise me that there has been a lot of strong reactions about this topic, I find that parenting and especially motherhood encourage a lot of very strong opinions. “This is especially true for when women in particular are open about their life goals or plans that don’t include procreation.”

Ms Dober said the singer was speaking from her own experience, and it needs to be remembered she is based in the United States where “parenting leave and support is embarrassingly woeful”.

“We might reflect on who would want to be a mother in those circumstances, so deeply unsupported,” she said.

“I think it’s also fine and healthy for people to want to live life in their own way, and there are millions of unwanted children born to parents who regret this. Perhaps she is wise to what would make a meaningful life for her.”

Others said the system was broken. Picture: TikTok/@livigoldi

The psychologist also weighed in on why people were feeling so strongly about the comments made.

“I think some mothers adore and love their children and lives so much that they can’t conceive other people mightn’t feel the same, they may also feel offended that their life choices aren’t being celebrated by someone in the public sphere,” Ms Dober said.

“I think childless and child-free people are stigmatised heavily still, and the social norm is still that you pair up and have children, irrespective of whether you want to or not. They probably feel seen and represented by some or all of Chappell’s comments, and again feel like their lives are being judged by people who don’t know them.

“Parenting is a deeply personal choice that we all make, whether we procreate or not. Diversity of this life path is actually a very good thing, as people should only have children freely because they genuinely want them. If you’re finding yourself agitated by Chappell’s comments, try to remind yourself she’s speaking from her own experience and this isn’t a reflection of you.”

Originally published as Chappell Roan’s comments on parenting divide social media