Advice Needed: My child doesn't feel safe on the playground, but the bully's parents think she's innocent

What is a parent to do, when a bully is relentless?

Content producer Jordana answers your Advice Needed questions.

Advice Needed

If there's a bully at your child's school who keeps on tormenting your child, yelling at her, calling her names, ignoring her and rolling her eyes at her when she passes by and manipulating other kids to not be friends with her, and everyday she comes home from school crying, then you made the parents aware in a respectful way without being rude or mad at them, because you are friends with the parents (but they do not believe you as they said their child is sweet and well behaved at home), then the parents took it personally and cut their friendship with you, what would you do?

I'm not worried about the wasted friendship with the parents, I'm more worried about my child's mental health, what would you advise please?

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Jordana's Advice

Firstly, can I say, it’s amazing that your daughter is communicating with you. Definitely praise her for coming to you as well, this will help foster her opening up to you in the future. Also empathise with her and acknowledge her feelings that it is upsetting that this happens at school, which should be a safe place.

As parents when it comes to issues on the playground, we’re often told to stay out of it, however, when you can see your child suffering, how can you not want to get involved! This has clearly been going on for far too long for the girls to sort this out between themselves. 

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If your friendship isn’t repairable and they aren’t willing to engage in a conversation, then it’s best to go to the school. Hopefully the school is aware of this issue, and would want to come to a resolution. Initially they might try and resolve it without parents, it is less confrontational this way and ensures the relevant staff are involved. Most schools should have a plan when it comes to bullying, ask them when you speak with them so you know how it will play out and that you’re not left in the dark.  

In the interim, are there lunchtime activities she can participate in? This will ensure she won’t have to engage with the bully in the playground at lunch. While it isn’t ideal that your child gets taken off the playground, it will hopefully give her some confidence and a safe space, while the school and parents are trying to get to the bottom of the issue.  

RELATED: Combat bullies with empathy

Sadly, bullies are a part of everyday life, even in adulthood, while there is no excuse for it, more often than not, a bully has their own deep rooted issues that are playing out on others. This doesn’t mean your daughter deserves to be on the receiving end of it but it’s important to keep that in mind, and keep telling her, ‘it’s not her fault’, no matter what! 

Hopefully the school will address this quickly and a plan will come into place soon so you can put this behind you. But in the meantime, keep the lines of communication open, empathetic, and calm - if you feel any anger, channel it elsewhere so your daughter doesn’t see it - she will know she’s heard and safe at home. 

And for you reader, I wanted you to know, you’re doing a great job!

Originally published as Advice Needed: My child doesn't feel safe on the playground, but the bully's parents think she's innocent