‘Titanium now holds my head on, and radiation and drugs help fight’: Barry Du Bois five years on
IT’S been the ride of his life: cancer, fatherhood, fear, and a future. Barry Du Bois is counting his blessings five years after a life-changing diagnosis.
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TITANIUM now holds his head on, and the cancer still lives in his body, but The Living Room’s resident builder Barry Du Bois is counting what to be thankful for five years after being diagnosed with plasmacytoma myeloma.
Du Bois marked the five-year anniversary he never wanted to celebrate today with a Facebook ‘thank you’ to those who have been by his side since he was diagnosed with the cancer which attacks healthy bone marrow, and by the time it was detected, had already destroyed the top of his spine.
Five years on, as well as counting his scars, Du Bois is counting his blessings — with twins Bennet and Arabella — born since his diagnosis after more than 10 rounds of IVF treatments and then six surrogacy attempts - and wife, Leonie, at the top of the list.
“A lot has happened since then,” Du Bois writes.
“Titanium now holds my head on, and radiation and drugs help fight the disease that lives on in my body.
“My angels, Bennet and Arabella, were born after two more attempts at surrogacy, and raising these beautiful kids with Leonie is now my life’s greatest fulfilment.
“I am involved in a TV show where, along with three amazing friends, I get to bring fun and know-how to many people every week; to say I am happy is the understatement of the century and my gratitude knows no end.”
Du Bois’ cancer first made its presence felt over Christmas 2010.
Surfing with his brother, he dived under a wave, felt his neck freeze up, the pins and needles set in and thought: ”Ah bugger, that’ll be a trip to the physio’.
Three months later when physiotherapy hadn’t worked, and the headache ‘I just couldn’t shake’ wouldn’t go away, he was diagnosed.
“March approached, and I was about to head off overseas, to India on our fifth attempt to have a child through surrogacy,” Du Bois said.
“My physio insisted I have an MRI. While I was in India the headache became unbearable, and I was quite literally tearing my hair out.”
Back in Sydney on March 11, 2011, Du Bois, head pounding, went straight to get the results of the MRI, planning to then head for physio ‘to finally get this neck right’.
He explained to the doctor there ‘wasn’t anything really wrong with me: I just had a headache and a stiff neck, my physio was all over it, I simply needed those MRI scans to work out how to free up my neck’.
The doctor pulled the results out of the envelope, looked up, and then stopped Du Bois short in his tracks with the words: ‘Barry, do you have family?’
“I’m afraid it’s a lot worse than a headache,” the doctor continued. “You have a very aggressive tumour at the base of your skull. It’s huge and it has basically eaten the top of your spine.”
Time slowed down.
“I remember every second of every hour of every day for weeks after that moment, in incredible detail … the reactions and emotions of those around me … holding my wife and trying to control her trembling when one specialist advised not to bother with surgery, the tumour was simply too aggressive,” Du Bois says.
“It was as if I stepped outside my body that day, and watched everything going on from a distance … every hug, every conversation with mates and loved ones …
“It was hard for me to compute what was going on, and it was even harder still to watch people trying to contain themselves and to be brave in front of me, I still get upset when I think about that.”
Today, Du Bois sees thing more clearly — especially the things which are important.
“I hope I get to share that with as many people as possible so that they might experience the love and gratitude I am lucky to experience every day,” he says.
“Many people have given me a lot of love and help over these past five years — especially my family and loved ones. And for this I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart.
“If you are down in the dumps, or feel you have seen better days, always remember that you are not alone; we all have a story and for most of us this story includes ups and downs, dark times as well as beautiful ones … you are the sum of every day and of all the experiences in your life, and if you invest in the people and things that make you happy it will pay incredible dividends.
“Every day as I stop to kiss my wife and babies goodbye I take a moment to reflect on just how good my sum is.”
Originally published as ‘Titanium now holds my head on, and radiation and drugs help fight’: Barry Du Bois five years on
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