How to spot signs that something isn’t right this Christmas

IT IS supposed to be a wonderful time of the year, but Christmas can be a period of “extreme loneliness and anxiety”. Here’s how you can help those struggling.

IF YOU’RE sat salivating at the prospect of shovelling ludicrous amounts of turkey and wine down your gullet — you’re not the only one.

Many of us look forward to a hard-earned rest from the stresses of work, spending time with loved ones and enjoying a few drinks to welcome in the new year.

But there is a dark side to the festive period — as depression, anxiety and financial stress take a devastating toll on those feeling isolated or alone.

“The negative feelings of sadness and loneliness can really be intensified because people have the time at Christmas to think about their lives,” Jenny McGee, a clinical psychologist at The Buttery Private, told news.com.au. “They have more space to think and ruminate about their problems.

“They might not have close friends or relatives in their lives to spend that time with after they stop work. Or, they might measure themselves against other people — their holidays, their presents, their debt or how much time they spend with people.

McGee says people have too much time to dwell on things at Christmas. Source: iStock.

“It can be a really isolating time for some people and it can lead to depression.”

The holidays can also stir memories of loved ones we’ve lost or are estranged from.

“Christmas just highlights the fact that they are not there,” said Ms McGee. “They see other people spending time with friends and family — and they compare themselves. We compare our lives constantly now because of social media.”

She also describes Christmas as a “social pressure cooker” for some families, bringing out rifts that had been festering throughout the year.

“There’s also social anxiety around people spending time in groups, having enough money, having the right food, presents, appearing good — it’s a bit like going to your school reunion in some respects,” Ms McGee added.

Aussies are also feeling a surge in festive financial stress as our average post-Christmas credit card debt soars to $1666 per person, according to an analysis of Reserve Bank of Australia data.

This can have a devastating effect on someone’s mental health.

“Your self-esteem and sense of worth can get hammered,” financial therapist Jane Monica-Jones told news.com.au.

“It’s not only the [cost of] presents — it’s the time off work, and the possible holiday. When we feel pressure that we can’t meet what others are doing, we feel as if we’re not performing.”

SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR

If a loved one is becoming erratic in their behaviour or procrastinating, it could be a sign they need help.

“They could also be engaging in overeating, gambling, spending a lot of time on social media to distract themselves, having big nights after work, binge drinking, and misusing prescribed painkillers,” said Ms McGee.

“All of these signs are coping behaviours people use just to get some time out from the stress and overwhelm they are feeling.

Drug and alcohol usage increases in the festive period. Source: iStock.

“If left untreated, they find that their life starts to narrow. They spend more and more time engaging in those coping behaviours — whether it’s taking painkillers, gambling or drinking too much.

“It could be that they withdraw from people and social engagements. Their life becomes narrower. There is less pleasure and joy, and they lose engagement and connection with other people.”

Ms McGee said often it’s was only when people were on the brink of losing their jobs that they sought help.

“Absenteeism at work is a sign that some of their coping mechanisms are starting to impact their job. As is increased ‘presenteeism’, which is turning up to work but not really being there,” she said.

“They may be coming down or hung-over. When memory isn’t clear it is often because of anxiety and stress.”

It’s important to reach out at Christmas. Source: iStock.

Ms McGee said starting a conversation with loved ones about stress, overwhelm and anxiety — before coping behaviours spiral out of control — is by far the best Christmas present you can give.

“In an age of unrealistic financial goals, we think we’re going to get more connections from ‘the biggest and the best’, but it doesn’t always turn out that way,” Ms Monica-Jones says.

“In fact, the connections turn up in ways that are simplistic and that are about people listening to each other and spending time together.”

- With Margaux Harley

If you or someone you know needs help and support, call Beyondblue on 1300 224 636 or Lifeline on 131 114.

For more information about The Buttery Private, visit butteryprivate.org.au.

Share your story — [e-mail] or follow @bengrahamjourno on Twitter.

Originally published as How to spot signs that something isn’t right this Christmas