Zac McLean: We need to talk about bouncers, the real problem with Sydney’s nightlife

One of the biggest problems with Sydney’s nightlife has always been bouncers. As I found out when I was asked to leave a pub for not talking.

I could be the first person asked to leave a Sydney pub for not talking.

Drinking at an iconic Marrickville hotel a few years ago, a bouncer approached and told me to get out.

“You haven’t said a word in five minutes, it’s time to leave” he said, accusing me of being drunk because I wasn’t speaking.

I laughed, but he was dead serious.

I explained to the power-hungry wannabe cop that I was on my first beer, and I showed him my car keys as proof I was driving home.

Zac McLean was given the boot for not saying a word for too long. Picture: Richard Dobson

I even explained why I’d been so quiet; because I was listening to my friend tell me he was planning to break up with his girlfriend.

But he didn’t care, in fact as most bouncers do, the more I argued the angrier he got - and soon I was marched out, cursing Sydney’s militant bouncer culture, and the police state our pubs and clubs have become.

I’m hardly the first person to have a run in with a Sydney bouncer, nearly everyone in this city has got their own horror story.

Most blokes I know don’t even bother going out in Sydney after 11pm - because of the interrogation they’ll get from the guard at the door:

“How many drinks have you had tonight mate?” (Any answer higher than two is wrong FYI - no matter what time it is.)

“Where have you been?” “Who were you with?” “Not tonight mate.”

And of course, the moment you talk back it’s game over.

I’ve seen friends booted from Darling Harbour nightclubs for slipping on someone else’s spilt drink, or walked out of Surry Hills bars for tripping on a stair.

The frustrating thing is, this just seems to be a Sydney problem.

Whenever I leave the Harbour City I’m reminded that security guards can treat people like adults.

On a night out in Canberra I saw a patron slip and fall onto his back, and the bouncer helped him up and said “have a good night!”

Last year I went to Melbourne for a weekend away - and me and a few friends tried our luck lining up at a Fitzroy nightclub at 3am.

The bouncer wasn’t a grumpy third-party security contractor in a uniform, but an ordinary guy who worked for the venue, and sometimes served drinks behind the bar.

I asked him if there was any point in us lining up when it was so early in the morning… and was shocked by his answer.

“You guys must be from Sydney, come on in.”