Go mud snorkelling at Dirt 'n' Dust Festival in Julia Creek

ONE of Australia's quirkiest festivals draws 400 competitors but is very mucky work and simply bizarre.

jeremy pierce

"OCH!" exclaimed the Scottish lass in dismay.

"You're here for the bog snorkelling?

"You woodent get me in that thar bog for love nor moneh."

When not even a Glaswegian is game, I am starting to have second thoughts about snorkelling through a muddy bog myself.

The fringe sport has developed a cult following in Wales, Ireland and parts of northern Europe, but I haven't flown halfway around the world to race in a freezing, marshy bog.

I've gone to outback Queensland and the famous Dirt n Dust Festival at Julia Creek.

(It turns out the Glaswegian is only here in a coincidence while she spends her GAP year in the Aussie Outback.)

While the festival's rodeo draws a crowd of thousands and the triathlon features more than 400 competitors, for sheer weirdness, it is very hard to go past the bog snorkelling championships.

In one of those lightbulb moments born over a few beers, organisers thought "why not?" and even flew Welsh champion Julie Galvin to the tiny town for the inaugural event five years ago, which she duly won from a bunch of outback Queenslanders more at home in a dusty paddock than a boggy ditch.

Organisers now proudly boast that their event is Australia's annual bog snorkelling championships, helped by the fact it is the country's only annual bog snorkelling championships.

Which brings us to this year's event.

Some of the local favourites must have enjoyed the previous night's rodeo a little too much, because competitor numbers are down and I'm up first.

This wasn't part of my pre-race strategy at all.

I had planned to watch a few of the contestants to formulate a battle plan.

But no such luck.

Questions raced through my mind.

Would my dodgy hamstring, injured at touch footy the week before, stand up to the task?

Were there eels lurking in the muddy depths?

And, most importantly, was the water cold?

Sitting on the edge of the bog I don my snorkel and flippers.

The rules of the famous and ancient sport of bog snorkelling state you can't use your hands.

This is flipper power only, unless you lose a flipper, in which case, bad luck.

I slide in to the bog and the water is surprisingly warm - this is the Outback after all and it's 33C outside.

The starter's gun goes and I'm off.

It goes against every instinct to put my head under water, but I do.

I can't see a thing.

It's like swimming in a giant trench of chocolate milk, except it tastes like crap.

With visibility of zero millimetres at best, I traverse the narrow trench like a pinball, bouncing from one side to the other while blowing a steady stream of muddy water out the top of my snorkel.

The announcer is telling me to get a wriggle on but, despite a late burst of speed, I am not setting any course records.

Still, there's a sense of pride in just getting to the other end and clawing out through the mud like a pig.

The announcer does a post-bog interview and I try to sound like I know what I'm talking about.

"It's a very fast course," I offer, spitting out lumps of mud.

"Well you certainly weren't," he shoots back.

This press conference is over.

A bloke from Brisbane eventually wins the day in a time of 27.7 seconds.

And my time?

Let's just say bog snorkelling was the winner, not me.

The writer travelled as a guest of Tourism and Events Queensland.

Go2 - JULIA CREEK DIRT N DUST FESTIVAL

Getting there: Julia Creek is a three-hour drive from Mount Isa, or five hours from Longreach.

Staying there: The town becomes a virtual tent city for the festival, which will be held in April next year. Visit dirtndust.com for more details.

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