James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife 2025 premiere: Um … did two cousins just get matched on TV?

A casting glitch has led to a shaky start for the Farmer Wants A Wife premiere, with two contestants desperately searching ancestry.com. James Weir recaps.

Farmer Wants A Wife is just like Married At First Sight but with more hay bales, less teeth and … cousins dating?

Channel 7’s supposedly wholesome offering in the crowded romance genre of reality TV takes an odd turn during Monday’s premiere when, suddenly, producers need to consult with the genealogists over on that SBS show about family trees.

The shock familial hiccup results in CWA ladies around the country choking on their scones.

JAMES WEIR:Read all the recaps here

Tonight, we’re introduced to four farmers and a flock of single ladies who’ve blown in from the big smoke. Up for grabs is love — along with a used LandCruiser, a Target Country loyalty card and Faith Hill’s entire musical back catalogue on CD.

Channel 7 execs love to brand this whole series as a romantic journey, but that’s not what we’re here for. For us, this show is about watching all the city girls slowly spiral into a meltdown as they realise The Iconic doesn’t do same-day deliveries to Biloela.

But before reality sets in, our gals are optimistic. They jump off the bus – dressed inappropriately, looking like one big TV commercial for boohoo.com.

They’re yet to realise that a dusty old lentil farm on the Nullarbor doesn’t quite exude the same rustic charm as a Donna Hay cookbook.

‘Do you think we can get the Royal Flying Doctor Service to airdrop a package from David Jones?’ Picture: Channel 7.

And who are the farmers? We wish we could say. Like this episode, their speech patterns are slow. None of them enunciate clearly, so we completely miss their names.

We wait for host Natalie Grzzhlwhkszi to identify them: Thomas, Corey, Tom and Jarrad.

Top tip, fellas: move your jaw when you speak xx. Picture: Channel 7.

Thrilled to have you back, Ms Grzzhlwhkszi. Picture: Channel 7.

“In town, there’s not many options,” Farmer Corey says about the lack of single ladies in his area. “They’re either taken, divorced … or you’re related.”

But that latter point isn’t just an issue in small towns. It’s now also a problem on dating shows.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s meet Farmer Jarrad and Brianna, who are now urgently signing up for an account on ancestry.com.

The whole debacle starts innocently enough.

“I grew up in Coffs …” she tells him, making meaningless small talk during a sunset date in a random paddock.

He perks up. “I’ve got a lot of family down in Coffs Harbour.”

She asks for some names of relations. Maybe she knows a cousin, she wonders. It doesn’t occur to her that she might be the cousin.

“The Page family,” he says.

Brianna furrows her brow. “But … I’m [a] Page …”

Farmer Jarrad’s face drops.

“ … How do ya spell Page?” he says, voice strained like he’s trying to stop himself from throwing up.

Brianna: “P.A.G.E.”

That’s not the answer Farmer Jarrad is hoping for. He now wants to whisper another, more colourful, four-letter word.

We knew this show was family-friendly, but this casting glitch might be taking the quest a little too far.

Not an ideal meet-cute. Picture: Channel 7.

They start tossing around names of cousins and uncles and aunts to see if they can find any familial overlap. No success.

After lazily attempting to trace their family tree for about 20 seconds, they decide to give up and pursue their television love story instead.

“OK, we’re not cousins!” Farmer Jarrad decides.

Um, don’t speak so soon.

We won’t know for sure until we bring in the scientists from Who Do You Think You Are?

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife 2025 premiere: Um … did two cousins just get matched on TV?