James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2021 episode 11

Sam Burgess has revealed why his troubled marriage was doomed from the start — and described a candid chat he had with his mum. James Weir recaps.

The Sam Burgess redemption tour rolls on during Tuesday’s episode of SAS Australia, with the disgraced former footy star dropping an explosive bombshell about his broken marriage just seconds before a literal bomb explodes in what is some seriously highbrow symbolism for a free-to-air reality show.

The producers of this series are constantly working overtime to entice us with jaw dropping moments – so desperate they are to keep us watching. “Couldn’t care less about a footy star’s marriage woes? Perhaps we can interest you in a gripping first-hand story about Hollywood A-lister Sean Penn almost getting captured and held hostage by armed Haitians.” These producers are like those shady guys standing on seedy downtown street corners in old timey movies, opening their trench coats to display rows and rows of fake Rolexes in the hope of selling them to dumb tourists. “Still not interested? Maybe this footage of a cocky former Home And Away star getting humiliated is more to your taste.” We’ll take all these cheap but satisfying moments tonight, please and thank you.

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As the five remaining celebs travel to a challenge in the back of a Land Rover, producers trick Olympian Jana Pittman into doing their dirty work by getting her to probe Sam Burgess about the end of his marriage. He’s already spoken about his personal troubles in two separate interrogations on this show, but he’s getting paid a reported $150,000 to be here so producers need to squeeze as much juice as they can.

“How’d you meet your ex?” Jana asks as the car jolts over rocks and dirt ridges.

“At a concert – and I never go to concerts,” he eye-rolls.

A real Sliding Doors moment, huh?

“We were just not meant for each other,” he continues before revealing the relationship was doomed from the start. “I was trying to force things. I wanted a family, I wanted kids. I wanted the dream – the house, I got it, I had it all … I’m headstrong, I want it, I got it. I probably pushed it and there’s a few things I knew weren’t quite right … I thought I could change that, I could help that, I could mend that. I couldn’t do it.

“I said to my mum, two years into the marriage, I said, ‘Mum, f**kin’ hell. Is this right?’ She said, ‘Sam, it’s never gonna make you happy’. I said, ‘I’ve done two years. I’ve got my kids – what am I supposed to do?’ I didn’t know what to do.”

All this divorce chat is a real downer. Can someone switch on the radio? Oh, thank god, a bomb’s exploding on their car.

Bet Sam’s ex is glad the conversation got interrupted by this bomb

Tonight’s challenge requires all the celebs to individually drive an old beat-up Jeep through enemy territory while trying to save a VIP hostage. They’re faced with obstacles, explosions and armed attackers. It’s life and death kinda stuff.

One of the soldiers shares a personal anecdote about a similar situation he experienced in Haiti — partly to illustrate the dangers, but mainly to name-drop a Hollywood icon.

“On a routine drive back home with my passenger Sean Penn, we were driving to a safe location and a situation unfolded in front of us,” he offers nonchalantly.

“I saw people with weapons, I saw roadblocks go into position. Two armed men come towards us — a lorry tried to block the road, so we were totally trapped. I saw the situation build up, before I could give any warning, I drove at the people with the weapons — using the vehicle as a weapon to take them out. Literally got between the lorry and the wall with seconds to spare. Any hesitation we would have never got through it. We would’ve been trapped.”

As this season’s resident superstar, Dan Ewing can totally relate to the anecdote in more ways than one. He takes the opportunity to compare war zones with the theatre.

“Pressure is such a huge part of an actor’s life – you have to be really grounded and really strong to cope with that,” he explains to us in an overly-serious tone.

During the challenge, he draws on all his acting training to really understand the role he’s inhabiting. He snaps into character and improvises the dialogue.

“Stay nice and calm for me, OK?” he instructs the hostage he’s saving. “I’m gonna get you through this – I’m gonna get you home.”

The scene is tense with an undercurrent of suspense and emotion – the perfect example of an actor in command of his craft. It’s definitely one to include on the demo reel.

Stellar performance.

He dodges explosions, weaves through obstacles and whizzes through a spray of bullets. The getaway is almost complete. But with the finish line in sight, the enemy closes in. They appear with guns near a narrow exit. The correct response is to floor it and speed past, but doubt creeps in. Suddenly, Dan slips out of character. A high-pitched squeal comes from the grinding brakes as the Jeep skids to a halt. In the rear-view mirror, a car full of armed men appear through a cloud of dust. Bullets fire. Dan grips the gear stick and pulls it into reverse. Before he can even begin speeding backwards into the gunfire, the head soldier stops the game. All is lost. Dan has failed.

Cue the excuses.

“I was gonna plough through, I was gonna plough through,” Dan tells the soldier, now seeing in hindsight what he should’ve done. “I had it in ‘reverse’ (but) my next port of call was to plough through here (the exit).”

The soldier isn’t having it. “We do not roll back into (bullets). That was the wrong decision.”

But Dan’s a glass half full kinda guy. “I made the right decision too late,” he corrects, refusing to own the mistake.

Back with the other celebs, who all passed the exercise and were lavished with praise, Dan’s excuses continue.

“I had it in ‘reverse’, and my next port of call was (to go) straight through the barrier. And I put it in ‘drive’ but he yelled stop,” he frantically explains.

With a little more time to refine the excuse, he also offers this gem: “I got to the thing and saw the guy with the gun really close so I backed up a little bit to get some momentum to go.”

The hand actions don’t make it more believable

The soldiers overhear this and offer some thoughtful and considered feedback. “You tw*t,” one spits, before ordering the actor in for an interrogation to rub the mistake in his face.

Dan sticks to the weird new excuse. “I reversed, with the intention of getting some momentum to go forward.”

The hand actions still aren’t helping

The soldiers almost get the giggles. “What I heard was you trying to bullsh*t your way out of it because you’re embarrassed you were the only one to reverse out,” the soldier mocks.

Dan persists. “No staff, I wasn’t embarrassed-“

“STOP! F**KING STOP!” one of the operatives cuts him off, yelling so loud the other celebs hear the growls through the concrete walls.

Dan tries to downplay the severe reprimand when he returns to the sleeping quarters ­– humming to himself as he enters the room, hoping to appear easy breezy. His teammates are concerned about what they overheard. They ask if he’s OK. But accepting their sympathy would mean having to be honest about what really happened.

“I had a plan to reverse and then go forward and then I got stopped. So I was just trying to explain that and I think he thought I was trying to weasel out. I probably just didn’t explain myself right,” he shrugs.

Yeah. ... Ah. Sure. That must be it.

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Originally published as James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2021 episode 11