Zoe Marshall speaks out about her post-natal depletion diagnosis
After post-natal depletion, a physical and mental breakdown, and the identity crisis most new mums experience, the wife of NRL legend Benji Marshall reveals she was also confronted by other mothers on social media in a vicious trolling campaign.
Confidential
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Looking back, Zoe Marshall says she regretted going back to work so soon after the birth of her first child with Wests Tigers legend Benji.
The media personality resumed working when her son Fox was only four weeks old after feeling the pressure to prove that motherhood would not consume her.
She was diagnosed with post-natal depletion, a physical and mental breakdown, on top of the identity crisis new mums experience.
“I went back to work four weeks post-partum trying to be a hero,” she told Confidential.
“To prove to everyone that I wasn’t just a mum, I was still of importance outside of being a mum, I still had my identity. That ended up making me very sick.
“I feel like pretty much all women feel that way, even the women who take maternity leave get part way through and feel a massive identity crisis.”
On top of dealing with a very serious condition, she was also facing scrutiny from other mothers on social media who had taken to trolling her for her parenting decisions.
“Every mum that gives me crap online are doing it because they are struggling and see me doing something different and are judging me,” she said.
“They say that I go out too much without my son, they say that I work too much, they criticised me for going on a health retreat for five nights that my husband and doctor all pushed me out the door to go to. I cried the whole way there.”
The trolling for women being away from their children is a common part of “mum guilt”, which as Marshall pointed out is sexist as nobody is calling her husband a bad dad when he travels for work.
“The thing that makes me the angriest — do you know how often he is away?” she said.
“He’s leaving for a month and does he get shit because he’s going away?
“If my job took me away for a month I can promise you I would be judged.
“That for me is really difficult. Men get praised for taking care of their children. We’ve got a long way to get there.”
To help combat the feelings mums or women wishing to become mothers experience — the lack of identity, mum guilt or even physical symptoms — Marshall has planned her second What Women Want conference on November 3.
Guest speakers include Jules Sebastian, Westpac executive Khara Williams and post-natal depletion expert Dr Oscar Serrallach with the event aiming to show women that self-care is essential to being a good mother.
“You cannot thrive as a mother if your glass is not full. You need something to feel good,” Marshall said.