The Mouth Dining Dilemma: In a cost-of-living crisis, how much should one tip? Nada

This isn’t America. If the old legend that the word “tips” is in fact an acronym for “to insure prompt service”, well, what’s the point of ponying up at the end of a meal? Vote on our poll.

In a cost-of-living crisis, is it acceptable to not leave a tip? Picture: iStock.

No restaurant review this week, instead it’s time for another edition of The Mouth’s Dining Dilemmas.

The other day we received a query from a reader with a big swinging job and an expense account to match.

“Mouth,” our correspondent wrote, “I often have to take big groups out to lunch at nice restaurants – tough life, I know – but my company has stopped covering tips because the bean counters have had enough.”

“How do I negotiate this without being out of pocket or looking like a cheapskate?”

This is a tough one, but also not.

Because the answer is simple: Simply don’t tip.

Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

As Michael Corleone once put it, “not even the fee for the gaming license”.

Look, this column has nothing but respect and admiration for everyone in the hospitality game who work so ridiculously hard to make the lives of diners and drinkers a joy.

And when we were younger, we used to like to throw our money around.

No longer.

If there was a Church of the Perpetual Zero Per Cent, this column would be its first new convert, hectoring seatmates on planes (“have you heard the good news?”) and slipping tracts under our neighbours’ doors.

Because the practice is dated, and doesn’t make any damn sense.

If the old legend that the word “tips” is in fact an acronym for “To Insure Prompt Service,” well, what’s the point of ponying up at the end of a meal?

And the whole notion of this being a little something extra for special service falls apart when the little tappy-tap machine is handed to you with a tip options pre-loaded.

The Mouth believes tipping doesn’t make sense. Picture: iStock.

Even more sinister are the non-optional service charges tacked on to a bill, often for larger groups. No, just no.

Because let’s be brutally honest here: there is also no guarantee that the tips even make it to the people who served you, and a restaurateur who’s sneaking extra charges on to the bill is probably less than likely to pass them on to servers.

Or for that matter to the back of house staff who do the cooking and everything else.

And there’s something else: This isn’t America.

In Australia, where hospitality wages start at something like $29 an hour, with all sorts of loading.

They should be paid properly by their employers.

Not their customers.

— The Mouth is an anonymous critic and bon vivant who pays his own way around Sydney and beyond.