‘No f**king idea’: NRL star’s confession

Toby Rudolf is one of the most colourful characters in the NRL. Here, he chats about life, love and mental health on the latest episode of the Mental As Anyone podcast.

Rugby league star Toby Rudolf has revealed he believes he has undiagnosed ADHD while speaking of his fears for life after the game.

The Cronulla Sharks prop has spent many a sleepless night feeling the pressure of what he will do when he hangs up his rugby boots.

“I’m a massive stress-head,” Rudolf said. “I am pretty sure I am undiagnosed ADHD, I’ve got a feeling. Sleeping, I have a tough time turning the brain off when I sleep, thoughts are just constantly rushing through my head so I try ways to manage that.”

Speaking on the latest episode of the Mental As Anyone podcast, Rudolf said he reads before bed as a way of “turning it off upstairs”. He also writes lists of things he has to do the next day.

NRL star Toby Rudolf pictured at home in Cronulla after recording the Mental As Anyone podcast. Picture: Richard Dobson

“I have no f***ing idea what I want to do,” he said. “My plan at the moment is to, because I don’t really know who I am without football yet, that’s the honest truth, I want to take the bit of money that I make … and travel, see the world, stay in hostels, work there for as long as I can. Stay for free, just experience life without this game and this profile and a lot of eyes hanging over my head and just see what I like, see where I am, figure it out.”

Fitness, often surfing, also helps Rudolf turn his mind off during the day.

“That’s the best thing I’ve ever found for mental health,” he said of surfing. “Not only is it you out there in the elements, but you’re also off your phone for an extended period of time. People will always talk about the endorphins that are released after a hard session. Generally speaking, I think exercise is about the best medicine for just about anything. Before we were sedentary beings and sitting around on phones and using computers all day, we were out there hunting, getting our own food, moving around, that’s how we are built.”

Rudolf grew up around Sydney’s Maroubra area and is one of rugby league’s most colourful characters.

Toby Rudolf in action with the Sharks. Picture: Brendon Thorne/Getty Images

The 28-year-old speaks his mind and speaks up on issues important to him and those he loves.

While never having been diagnosed with depression, he describes himself as “a bit grumpy, a bit moody” and said he has taken advantage of the free mental health support offered to players.

It is a different game now, where athletes are encouraged to talk about their feelings.

“I had a time last year where I was told to go see a counsellor and I was there not by choice,” he explained. “I sort of just told him bulls*** just so I could get out of there as fast as I could. Then a few weeks ago, I wanted to go this time on my own accord.”

So far, so good for Rudolf.

“There are some things that I realised that I’m super defensive and I don’t know why,” he said. “I wanted to find out why. It has only been a couple of weeks but already I am feeling lighter.”

Toby Rudolf recording Mental As Anyone podcast at ProPodcast Sydney.

Toby Rudolf warms up for an NRL match between New Zealand Warriors and Cronulla Sharks. Picture: Phil Walter/Getty Images

Famously Rudolf spoke up for the queer community during the infamous Manly Pride jersey saga. Ultimately identifying as heterosexual, he said he had kissed people of different genders and sexualities.

“As long as you aren’t hurting anyone and as long as you’re happy and as long as you make others around you happy, who gives a s***?” he questioned. “That’s my general stance on everything in life really. Orientation (sexual), creed, religion, (although) religion is a touchy one. Look, I just love to spread the love man, I am a lover.”

A new episode of theMental As Anyone podcast drops each Tuesday morning at 6am