Diesel shares his fears about paying his mortgage and never touring again on new album

Legendary Aussie songwriter Diesel has revealed his deeply personal struggle and the worries that keep him awake at night.

Diesel shares a unique songwriter’s metaphor on his new record for the anxiety attacks which have plagued the award-winning singer songwriter since he was a child.

On his 16th album Bootleg Melancholy, the chorus of the song Backpedal describes his attacks as “Late at night you stand there darkening my door like some shitty rom-com flick from 1994.”

It was one of many songs he wrote in his home studio under the flight path in Sydney’s southeast suburbs as an exercise to stare down the rising panic which gripped so many musicians who lost their livelihood and purpose during the pandemic lockdowns.

Two recurring fears would shock him awake at 3am. Would he ever be able to play live to an audience ever again? And how would he pay his mortgage?

Singer-songwriter Diesel, aka Mark Lizotte shares his battle with anxiety on new record. Picture: Jane Dempster.

“I’ve worked on the anxiety and panic attacks I’ve had since I was a child; I didn’t recognise what they were or have a name for them when I was five,” he says.

“That theme of anxiety keeps resurfacing on the album. I wake up in the middle of the night and can feel it coming on, and the questions I ask are always ‘Why, why now, why me?’

“And I have experienced it so many times through my life that it feels predictable and cheesy to me. ‘Oh f … no, not you again.’ Predictable and cheesy … like a rom-com.”

Lizotte feared he may never get a chance to get back on the road. Picture: Jesse Lizotte / Supplied.

Lizotte has always bucked against the trends throughout his 35 years as a recording artist. With his James Dean look and soulful, blues growl, he started out as a guitar-slinging rocker, fronting Johnny Diesel and the Injectors who stormed the top 10 in 1988 with three hit singles including Don’t Need Love, Soul Revival and Cry In Shame; their eponymous debut record was the highest selling album in Australia in 1989.

He dropped the Johnny and launched his solo career as Diesel in 1991, juggling recording his debut album with ongoing duties as a touring guitarist alongside brother-in-law Jimmy Barnes. Lizotte married Jane Barnes’ sister Jep in 1989.

Diesel poured his soul-saturated heart into his first three solo records, Hepfidelity (1992), The Lobbyist (1993) and Solid State Rhyme (1994) and became the biggest solo artist in the country, winning the ARIA for Best Male three years running.

Lizotte with photographer son Jesse. Picture: Supplied.

The American-born musician then relocated to New York in the late 90s for about six years with wife Jep and their two children, son Jesse and daughter Lily to escape both the weight of expectations of the industry and the tall poppy syndrome.

He has continued to carve a singular musical path back in Australia over the past two decades with a prodigious output of eclectic albums and tours.

Diesel with daughter Lily Lizotte who directed his Forever music video. Picture: Supplied

His children are both creatives in their own right now – Jesse as a photographer and Lily as a singer songwriter (The Blssm) and stylist.

They shared their flair for “guerrilla-style hacks” for their father’s new record; Jesse shot the evocative cover while Lily, who is based in Los Angeles made the video for his single Forever.

“We shot the record cover in a park across from the house. We moved the couch across the road in the middle of the night, just pissing ourselves laughing as this security van kept driving past us, shining a torch on us at one point,” Diesel says.

“Jesse was like ‘You know what this looks like Dad? Two guys in a park at night with a couch.’ It’s always like that with us, just shenanigans.

“And Lily is the queen of hacks, we filmed the video with my phone and she made it look Spielberg quality.”

The shot his son Jesse captured for the album cover. Picture: Jesse Lizotte

Bootleg Melancholy was written and recorded entirely in his home studio, a do-it-yourself labour of love in stark contrast to those early solo albums made in the 90s at state-of-the-art studios.

In that era, record labels splashed cash on mega recording budgets of more than $500,000, videos that cost more than $100,000, tour support to get Australian artists in front of American and European audiences and massive marketing campaigns which would include long, expensive lunches with radio bosses, jocks and television hosts.

When Diesel parted company with EMI in the late 90s, he had an unrecouped debut of about $2.5 million which took 10 years to settle.

“I was quite impressed it only took me 10 years. Every lunch, every car service, every cent we spent in the studio, got put on the bill,” he said.

“So I never saw royalties coming in until recent years when I chased up the labels and found I’d recouped all that budget that we spent. During the pandemic we were talking to the label about re-releasing Hep Fidelity and found there was money that had been sitting around for seven years from streaming (royalties) but now we know all their accounting systems so that’s sorted.

“I’m very, very lucky as an artist with my kind of numbers, to be able to make a living out of music, to have gone past owing money and now the only regret I have of is, which is pointless, is I wish we’d made those records a lot more inexpensively.”

Bootleg Melancholy is out now. For all Diesel tour dates, https://dieselmusic.com.au/