68-year-old Danny Trejo slays them all in a standout performance as a poker-faced terminator in Machete Kills

Missed the original Machete in 2010? Then you might need to know it was actually a feature version of a fake trailer wedged inside Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's 2007 Grindhouse double-bill.

Danny Trejo, left, and Michelle Rodriguez in Machete Kills. Picture: AP

Rating: 2 stars

[MA15+]

Director: Robert Rodriguez (Sin City)

Starring: Danny Trejo,
Mel Gibson, Demian Bechir, Charlie Sheen, Lady Gaga, Sofia Vergara

Time this old dog got some new tricks

Missed the original Machete in 2010? Then you might need to know it was actually a feature version of a fake trailer wedged inside Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's 2007 Grindhouse double-bill.

You might also need to give Machete Kills a miss if over-the-top violence and underwhelmingthe-influence dialogue reallyain't your thing.

The 68-year-old super-freak Danny Trejo returns to the role of Machete with the same poker-faced charisma as before. You can't help but like the guy, even though there's not much more to him than a calcified grimace and a bad attitude that would make a military dictator cower.

Danny Trejo, left, and Michelle Rodriguez in Machete Kills. Picture: AP

As the title implies, Machete has some extensive terminating to do throughout this motion picture. And as time waits for no murderous Mexican, it is only a matter of milliseconds before the death rate escalates to DEFCON: Massacre.

Don't go looking for a story. It's washed away in a torrent of fake blood soon after the opening credits. So while Mr Machete sternly stomps from one act of butchery to another - pausing occasionally so so a lady admirer can hint she'd like to take her clothes off and a hint of nudity - the film quickly devolves into a cheesy game of Spot the Slumming Celebrity.

Look! There's Charlie Sheen as the US President! Duck! Sofia Vergara has been custom-fit with a machinegun bra! Don't rub your eyes! That really is Lady Gaga as a heartless assassin! Could that be Mel Gibson getting his Doctor Evil on?

Why, yes, it is! Any edge left on the blade for a third Machete? Well, no, there isn't.