Winter’s Tale - nothing really fits in this love story

TO mount a meek defence of this gloriously garbled failure, it must be stated it is not afraid to take a risk.

WINTER’S TALE [M]

Rating: 2 stars

Director: Akiva Goldsman (feature debut)

Starring: Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Russell Crowe, Will Smith

To mount a meek defence of this gloriously garbled failure, it must be stated it is not afraid to take a risk.

In fact, Winter’s Tale rolls the narrative dice far more often than many would like. Especially those viewers who are chasing the simple fairytale romance promised by pre-release marketing.

Yes, there are strands of a universally accessible love story to be found in the movie’s DNA. But there are also mutant strains of other genres that are equally dominant.

The initial setting is New York City, about a century or so ago. A rogue thief named Jimmy (Colin Farrell) is pulling a quick smash’n’grab on a mansion when he catches a glimpse of one of its residents.

Her name is Beverly (Jessica Brown Findlay), and she is the prettiest thing this ragamuffin has ever laid eyes on.

Beverly doesn’t mind the look of Jimmy, either. So instead of screaming for help, she offers her uninvited guest a cup of tea.

During the flirtation that follows, Beverly casually mentions that she is suffering a full-blown case of consumption. The most optimistic doctors have told her she could be dropping dead any minute now.

So far, so sad’n’swoony. So what’s the problem?

Well, while Bev and Jim dance the “make every moment count” tango — the longing glances, the pledges of eternal devotion, the sneaky late-night smooches — there is also
some seriously silly sub-plotting afoot.

I’m not making any of this up. Jim owns a magic flying horse. This comes in very handy on occasion, because Jim is being chased all over the Big Apple by a rotten sod named Pearly (Russell Crowe with a bowler hat and a bonkers Irish accent).

Pearly is also an immortal demon. A hired henchman of Satan himself, no less.

Just when things can’t get any weirder ... they do. The devil prefers to be referred to as The Judge. He is played by Will Smith.

As the film plods on, it appears Pearly believes Beverly and Jim’s love is so powerfully pure, it represents a threat to all evil as we know it.

Knives are pulled. Faces are pulled. That horse zooms about a bit more.

And then what? Err, we suddenly shift to the present day, where Jim, Pearly and
the flying nag are still at loggerheads. No sign of Beverly though ... or is there?

This really is a film of negative fits and starts.

Nothing really fits, and it never really gets started.