The star to avoid like the plague during isolation
Cats might have deserved its hammering at this week’s Razzie Awards but this star also pulled off quite the achievment
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The 20th annual Razzie Awards announced this week for bad films and acting were, unsurprisingly, dominated by the stinking kitty litter tray that was the “musical” Cats.
But, almost lost amid all the urine being sprayed over that bizarre movie was the news that John Travolta won another Worst Actor award.
This time it was for two films — The Fanatic and Trading Paint. He was so bad in both of them, the judges couldn’t split the performance. Two giant piles of poop and a panel of judges couldn’t agree on which one stunk more. That’s quite the achievement.
This makes it the second time he has won Worst Actor, his sixth Golden Raspberry Award overall — and he has been nominated for a Razzie 11 more times.
It’s a clear message that, if you are looking for something to watch while isolating yourself at home, make sure you don’t pick the John Travolta movie.
The bizarre thing is, he’s been nominated for a whole bunch of other awards. Good ones. Oscars, Golden Globes, BAFTAs — he’s even won an Indian Film Academy Award for services to cinema.
Perhaps they hadn’t seen him play an alien with dreadlocked nose hair in Battlefield Earth, which won Worst Film Of The Decade in 2010.
Anyway, how come he keeps picking ridiculous scripts with cardboard cut-out characters and phones in a performance that would get him booed off the stage at Woy Woy Little Theatre, let alone satisfy a director with a multimillion-dollar budget?
You have to wonder if it’s the Scientology. He’s a big fan and seems to believe that somehow we are all possessed by evil aliens.
(I’m sure it’s more complicated than that but I can’t be bothered to research it. It would be even more of a waste of time than watching him in Wild Hogs, where he achieved the rare feat of making Tim Allen’s acting look like Daniel Day-Lewis.)
Anyway, my point is, perhaps this isn’t Travolta’s fault. Perhaps the evil aliens are forcing him to make these terrible movies.
Occasionally — not often enough — he regains control of his own mind and signs up for Pulp Fiction or Get Shorty.
Sadly, I suspect we can’t even blame Scientology. Because Tom Cruise is also a big believer and he keeps making great movies.
So we have to look elsewhere for something to blame and I reckon the guilty party is those skin-tight white pants he oozed into for Saturday Night Fever, then the spray-on black jeans he sported in Grease. They obviously did some serious damage because he hasn’t been right since.
So I think we can take a few things away from these observations.
First, if you are going to watch a Scientologist’s movies, make sure you pick Tom Cruise, not John Travolta.
Second, make sure you are wearing comfy pants. Anything too tight and you could find yourself thinking: “Look Who’s Talking was quite funny. How bad can Look Who’s Talking Now be?”
And finally, don’t watch anything with a cat.
Just because. You’d be better off cuddling up with a zombie. They’re less likely to attack you.