Meghan Markle needs to become a Marvel superhero
The Duchess obviously needs something to do, so why not tackle a big-screen role? And it needs to be something woke, so how about Squirrel Girl?
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I think we can all agree that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, needs something else to keep her occupied.
Obviously caring for young Archie, giving Harry his orders and posting woke video messages isn’t enough for her.
So I reckon the former actor needs to dust off her thespian skills and get back out there — and where better than the Marvel superhero universe.
None of these have been confirmed but hey, anything’s possible.
STORM This X-Men character was played by Halle Berry but the franchise rights have reverted to Marvel and the series will be rebooted. This could be perfect for Megan. After all, as “Megxit” proved, she knows how to storm out of a situation.
JESSICA JONES The excellent Netflix series starred Krysten Ritter but, again, that has been cancelled and could easily come back as a movie. Meghan has already used her mind powers on Prince Harry, so this role should be easy to slip into.
SILVER SABLE She hasn’t made it onto either screen yet but perhaps the time is right. She doesn’t have obvious powers as she’s more of a Black Widow-type secret agent who has worked with both Spider-Man and Deadpool. Now Black Widow is dead, maybe the MCU needs Silver Sable. I know the idea of Meghan trying to take over from a popular predecessor is a bit of a stretch but I’m confident she can manage it.
Although, maybe playing a hero is too easy. Perhaps she needs to go the other way and try a villain?
ENCHANTRESS Well, the name says it all. Dramatically, it’s obviously going to be tough for Meghan to portray a beautiful woman who is able to manipulate a man into doing what she wants. But she’d be doing this to extend her range, obviously.
SELENE This character is a psychic vampire, able to suck the life out of anyone who tries to stop her plans and obsessed with staying young and beautiful. I could make a Meghan joke here but let’s face it, that sums up the whole of Hollywood.
But maybe these characters are too mainstream for such a champion of woke. Maybe she needs to come up with heroes that have been forgotten by the mainstream.
SQUIRREL GIRL With an impressive set of gnashers and a giant bushy tail that she wields as a weapon, this is certainly a different hero. Plus she can communicate with squirrels and get them to obey her, much like Ant-Man does with ants. It’s not the most glamorous role but it ticks a lot of environmental boxes. Plus, Disney princesses are always able to get small animals to help them so, even though she’s not technically a princess, this has to appeal to Meghan.
RED TORNADO Now this is definitely an unusual one. “Ma Hunkel”
is an ordinary suburban mother who dons a pair of sensible thermal underwear (no Lycra here, thank you very much) and a cooking pot as a helmet to fight crime as Red Tornado. What’s not to love about that?
So there we have it, Meghan’s next career phase all sorted. She can thank me later — perhaps at the Oscar ceremony.