Leigh Paatsch’s guide to the movies
LEIGH Paatsch has rated every big film out now to help you pick a movie for a night out. Seen any of these? Give us your verdict.
Leigh Paatsch
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PLANNING a night out at the movies? Leigh Paatsch’s movie guide will help you select the right film.
CUBAN FURY (M)
The heeling powers of a hoofer with heart, UK, 98 min
An efficient enough British crowd-pleaser, spicing up a sit-commy dish with a sublime side-serving of salsa dancing. Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) plays an overweight office worker with a crush on his new boss (Rashida Jones). All he has to impress her with is a long-lost talent for dirty dancing, so to recharge the batteries, our hero enrols in a salsa school run by a dodgy bloke called Ron (Ian McShane). Frost and Jones have just the right chemistry to freshen up this familiar material. Sterling support silliness from Irish comic Chris O’Dowd (Bridesmaids, The Sapphires) is a welcome circuit-breaker throughout. Co-stars Olivia Colman. 3/5
RIDE ALONG (M)
Heat of Hart takes chill off Ice, US, 99 min
Standard-format American cop comedy, where an intractable veteran (Ice Cube) is forced to suffer a day on the job in the company of his distractable brother-in-law-to-be (Kevin Hart). Cube is an acquired taste when it comes to racking up genuine laughs. If you’re in any way amused by the limited number of ways in which he gets annoyed, then you’ll be happy enough with the goings-on here. Otherwise, it’s the rising star Hart and his endearingly goofy presence that really saves the day. No classic, but no damage done. 2.5/5
I, FRANKENSTEIN (M)
Better off dead, US-Australia, 93 min
He’s alive! Yep, in 2014, Frankenstein’s ancient monster (played by Aaron Eckhart) is moving amongst us. Lotta scars on the face, but no bolts on the neck. Wears a hoodie. Speaks English rather well. Never in the best of moods, but so it goes when you’re getting chased all over the place by demons who believe you are the key to unlocking the secret of everlasting life. A lumbering adaptation of the graphic novel by Kevin Grevioux is hopelessly hobbled by terrible scripting and erratic special-effects. Devoid of humour, inspiration or coherence, this movie monstrosity staggers about like the reanimated corpse of an unwanted Underworld spin-off. Co-stars Bill Nighy, Jai Courtney, Yvonne Strahovski. 1.5/5
THE MISSING PICTURE (M)
Killing in the blanks, Cambodia-France, 92 min
A recent nominee for the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar, this haunting amalgam of documentary and memoir is quite unlike anything else you will see this year. Cambodian writer-director Rithy Panh addresses his experience as a child living through the genocide that swept his homeland in the 1970s. Looking to finally show the world what the propaganda films of the era kept hidden, Panh recreates a living hell with small clay figurines placed amidst elaborate natural dioramas. A powerful cinematic cry from the heart for the two million people dictator Pol Pot wiped from the face of the earth, including the filmmaker’s own family. 4.5/5
POMPEII (M)
An absolute eruption erupts? Absolutely!, US, 102 min
You’re wasting your time wishing anyone in Pompeii will be beating the heat. No-one cares if gladiatorial poor-boy Kit Harington and pouty rich-girl Emily Browning will be falling in love any time soon. All that matters here is whether or not this photogenic pair will be falling in lava by film’s end. However, if you are attending this disaster movie purely for the famous natural disaster it promises to depict, you won’t have too many complaints. Director Paul W.S. Anderson quite rightly throws everything plus the kitchen sink at the volcano sequences. The relentless carpet-bombing with the molten rocks and the eerie descent of the accompanying ash clouds are genuinely transfixing. 2.5/5
WADJDA (PG)
Not seen, not heard, still here, Saudi Arabia, 97 min
There are no cinemas in Saudi Arabia. No film industry either. This alone makes the nation’s first narrative feature a welcome movie miracle. Even more remarkably, this fascinating work was made by a woman. Some imposing cultural obstacles had to be overcome for this to occur. Haifaa Al-Mansour directed all outdoor scenes remotely from inside a nearby parked car, lest anyone be offended by the sight of a female instructing a crew. Not surprisingly, the central theme of Wadjda is how Saudi women strive to find a level of personal freedom in a society that denies them that liberty at every turn. However, if you assume such honourable intentions will result in a drab, politically correct feminist tract, you’re going to be in for quite a surprise. A story that is involving as it is uplifting centres on an 11-year-old girl named Wadjda (Waad Mohammed). This feisty, clever youngster embodies youthful rebellion within a culture that has no place for it. 4/5
300 RISE OF AN EMPIRE (MA15+)
Seeing is bleeding, US, 102 min
Duck and cover, all you Ancient Greeks! Them peeved Persians are back, and they’re lookin’ to kick some serious Athens. Yep, it might have taken seven years, but the 300 franchise has returned with more hysterically historical butchery for your entertainment pleasure. There will be burly men. There will be biceps. There will be barrels of baby oil applied to those biceps. And of course — sorry, no prizes for guessing — there will be blood. Billions of litres of the red stuff, in fact, spurting out of veins in hi-def-slow-mo, just the way 300 fans like it. Though a surprising amount of action transpires on the high seas, the same amount of he-men are being hacked to bits as before. Never all that boring. Never all that coherent. Just the way 300 fans like it. Stars Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey. 2/5
12 YEARS A SLAVE (MA15+)
The worst mankind can do versus the best one man can be, US, 134 min
This remarkable film embodies a type of subject matter that Hollywood has conspicuously avoided exploring in too much detail for far too long. On many fronts, America is still coming to terms with its history as a nation that once tacitly endorsed the practice of human slavery. This is the true story of Solomon Northup (masterfully played by Chiwetel Ejiofor), a successful African American musician who was abducted as a free man in 1841 and then sold into slavery. It is no condemnation of this powerful work to label it a film that has to be fully endured to be truly appreciated. Director Steve McQueen does not back away for a moment from the vast array of harsh realities that must be depicted. A film as complex, compelling and confronting as 12 Years a Slave not only reignites a familiar sense of outrage about a shameful past. It also promotes a fresh understanding of that terrible time. Minds will be opened, perhaps even changed by what they see (and indeed feel) here. Co-stars Lupita Nyong’o, Michael Fassbender, Paul Giamatti. 5/5
ALL IS LOST (PG)
The choice is his alone: think or swim, US, 105 min
A man. The sea. No dialogue. Don’t be fooled by the micro-minimalist structure of All Is Lost. There is a big film in there just waiting to be discovered. The plotting is brutally basic. Somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean, a small boat is slowly sinking. The sole passenger aboard is a nameless fellow in his mid-seventies (Robert Redford). He looks as if he could be an experienced sailor. He had better be. Time is running out. The vessel is filling up. What will he do? Redford’s bravura performance is truly astonishing, with virtually every indication of his character’s emotional state suppressed with extraordinary control. Whenever Redford does briefly reveal how his character might be feeling, the connection he makes with the viewer is truly electric. This intensely challenging, yet serenely rewarding experience owes much to the shrewdly intuitive scripting and direction of J.C. Chandor. Amazingly, this is only his second feature. (The first, the financial drama Margin Call, is radically different, but equally impressive.) 4/5
THE ARMSTRONG LIE (M)
The winner faked it all, US, 124 min
An incisive documentary chronicle of the greatest fraud ever perpetuated in the history of organised sport. Between the years of 1999 and 2005, Texan-born cyclist Lance Armstrong took out the Tour de France a then-record seven consecutive times. Then how he did it finally caught him. It took a while, but evidence emerged of the ruthless regimen Armstrong designed to secure those wins: a systematic use of performance-enhancing drugs and blood-doping techniques that boggle any rational mind. Filmmaker Alex Gibney (Wikileaks: We Steal Secrets) gained exclusive access to Armstrong as the walls of his secretive world came crashing down. Which is not to say the disgraced ex-champ is in any way truly remorseful for his actions. Far from it, in fact. The cat-and-mouse game Armstrong continues to play with accepting the personal and ethical implications of his actions makes for chilling viewing. The sport of cycling, and the good faith of its many millions of fans, will never be the same again. As for Lance Armstrong, he may never change for the better. 4/5
DALLAS BUYERS CLUB (MA15+)
Making money while the sun no longer shines, US, 117 min
The compelling true story of a man who turned a life sentence into a career opportunity. Matthew McConaughey plays Ron Woodroof, a homophobic rodeo rider who contracted the AIDS virus in 1985. Given mere months to live by doctors, Woodroof’s redneck instincts point him to Mexico, where he discovers a line of medication that improves his condition. Though the treatment is banned in the US, Woodroof starts smuggling the stuff across the border, after which he turns a tidy buck selling it to fellow sufferers. As he gradually drops his gay-hating stance and develops some compassion for those around him, Woodroof becomes an unlikely role model and activist in a time that sorely needed them. Exceptionally well-written and directed, this tough, yet tender-hearted film doesn’t take the easy road towards winning your full respect and fascination. It ultimately reaches you via McConaughey’s incredible performance as a one-of-a-kind rebel who remains difficult to like, but is impossible not to admire. Co-stars Jared Leto, Jennifer Garner. 4.5/5
THE MONUMENTS MEN (M)
Nothing they can do ... a total eclipse of the art, US, 118 min
It’s a movie about war, where the war is all but over. It’s a movie about art, where the art is mostly packed up in boxes off-screen. It’s also a movie where George Clooney is calling all shots on both sides of the camera. Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bill Murray and others join Clooney to play a secret squad of US art experts working out of Europe in the dying days of WW2. Hitler is trying to make off with countless priceless treasures, and only this motley lot can stop him. Anyone hoping for some military Ocean’s Eleven-style high-jinks will be slightly disappointed by what transpires instead. The cast work together well in terms of catchy camaraderie, but the (kind of true) story never quite catches on. 2.5/5
NEBRASKA (M)
Keep your eyes on this prize, US, 115 min
American director Alexander Payne just has to be the most reliable shots-caller in the business right now. Every film he’s ever done (such as Sideways, About Schmidt and The Descendants) has landed squarely on the top shelf. So it’s exemplary business as usual for Nebraska, a beautiful, bittersweet comedy-drama about a fragile old-timer named Woody (an Oscar-nominated Bruce Dern), who mistakenly thinks he is about to become a lottery millionaire. In a bid to let him down gently, Woody’s youngest son (Will Forte) takes him on a road trip where the misunderstanding will hopefully clear itself up. Naturally, it doesn’t, and when the pair make a pit stop in Woody’s old home town, news of the non-existent windfall brings the worst out of family, friends and enemies alike. With an immaculately written screenplay at its disposal, Nebraska is free to put a well-chosen cast through their paces with just the right grace notes of humour and pathos. Stunning black-and-white cinematography showcases the open skies (and closed minds) of Middle America to absolute perfection. Highly recommended. 4.5/5
NEED FOR SPEED (M)
It all comes out in the whoosh, US, 128 min
With approximately 400 more sleeps until the next Fast & Furious sequel, what’s a cinematic petrol head to do until then? At the very least, Need for Speed will kill some time and supply a few fuel-injected thrills until the real thing revs up again. Aaron Paul plays a ex-con street racer looking for redemption in a cross-country-crash-a-thon organised by a mystery-man zillionaire (Michael Keaton). OK, so the script backfires. What about the stunts? Well, the big deal here according to the filmmakers is that all the fiery wrecks, sudden swerves and unplanned flights were achieved without the aid of CGI. Director Scott Waugh has served some serious time as a stunt co-ordinator, and is not the type to back away when there’s some ripping visual adrenalin to be administered. Co-stars Dominic Cooper. 2.5/5
NON-STOP (M)
Getting high on its own surprise, US, 105 min
As we know from the Taken movies, age is not about to weary Liam Neeson when it comes to fighting the good fight against bad dudes everywhere. In this relentlessly silly, yet recklessly entertaining thriller, Neeson plays Bill Marks, a boozily beleaguered air marshal going through the motions on a flight from New York to London. Our hero is snapped out of his self-loathing funk by a series of spooky text messages shortly after takeoff. If 150 million bucks isn’t transferred into a bank account in 20 minutes’ time, passengers will start getting killed at regular intervals. It’s a catchy enough twist to sell a movie like this, but Non-Stop is only getting started with the high-stakes high-jinx. That bank account where the money is going? It belongs to Marks himself. Confusion reigns and credibility goes out the window as Non-Stop throws everything but the kitchen sink at Neeson. While he keeps an admirably straight face, you may not be able to wipe the smile off yours. Co-stars Julianne Moore. 3/5
TRACKS (M)
A hard walk too much like hard work, Australia, 112 min
A wistfully dull, yet wilfully self-important account of adventurer Robyn Davidson’s epic trek across the outback in 1977. For much of the marathon stroll, Davidson (played by Mia Wasikowska) has only four ugly camels and one cute dog to keep her company. Little of note nor urgency happens along the way. There’s a quasi-ambush by a gaggle of feral camels, soon repelled with a few blasts of a shotgun. The pooch eats something it shouldn’t have. Davidson gets on the wrong side of some Aboriginal elders, then meets a delightful old tracker named Eddie (Roly Mintuma). An American photographer gets on her nerves, and then into her sleeping bag. That’s about all there is to Tracks. A weak script struggles to find any discernible motivation for Davidson’s quest, aside from the fact she was a bit of a rebel, a bit of a loner and a bit of a grump. A pointed example of how a great true story doesn’t always make for truly good cinema. 2/5
VAMPIRE ACADEMY (M)
A school where every subject sucks, US, 102 min
Richelle Mead’s sharp series of young-adult novels might have been better off being adapted for longform TV, rather than the big-screen blunting they cop here. Director Mark Waters (Mean Girls) has so much backstory and on-the-spot exposition to work through that his movie finds itself finishing up just as it is truly getting started. The principal setting is St Vladimir’s, a Hogwarts-like boarding school for bloodsuckers often frequented (though not always legitimately) by members of three vampiric tribes. An eager young cast of no-names give the film more energy than it is willing to transfer to viewers. Worth a look only if you’re a tragic fan of the books. 2/5
THE WIND RISES (PG)
One man’s art is another man’s artillery, Japan, 125 min
Japanese hand-drawn animation master Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle) is saying this epic work will be his last. That should be reason enough for his legion of fans to make tracks for this glorious biopic of Jiro Horikoshi, the gifted aeronautical engineer who revolutionised Japan’s aviation industry. Though compelled to stay in sync with the facts of his subject’s life story, Miyazaki still finds a way to retain the ethereal sense of fantasy which has defined his career. The effect becomes all the more captivating in its final act, where the refined beauty of Horikoshi’s designs is exploited by a Japanese military about to make an ugly entrance into WW2. Screening in both English-language and subtitled versions. 4/5
WOLF CREEK 2 (MA15+)
Blood, guts and Nullarboredom, Australia, 104 min
The belated return of deranged outback serial killer Mick Taylor (John Jarratt) is a frazzling feelbad fizzer. Those responsible for this mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging exercise in torture porn appear to be trying to jump-start a genre that conked out many years ago. As for Jarratt, watching him reel off his repertoire of guttural grunts and wince-worthy wisecracks is like being trapped on a crowded train next to a drunk, disturbed circus clown. Unfortunately, there is no chance here of him passing out, or getting off at the next stop. A nasty throwback that should be thrown back. 0.5/5
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