Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel’s Sex Tape fails to raunch

SEX Tape: Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel make the mistake of recharging the batteries of a flat marriage by sneaking a camera into the bedroom.

Cameron Diaz;Jason Segel

I DON’T have the actual stats with me. Nevertheless, I’m fairly sure that over 90 per cent of the time, people about to do the dumbest thing ever will preface it by saying the dumbest thing ever.

So let me introduce you to the hapless heroine and hero of the new comedy, Sex Tape, Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Jason Segel).

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Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) plot to spice up their marriage in <i>Sex Tape</i>.

Annie: “I’ve just had a great idea! Let’s film ourselves having sex!”

Jay: “That is your best idea ever!”

You are right to assume neither Annie nor Jay is a rocket scientist, and the worst idea they could ever have is about to be enacted.

So let’s just fast-forward to how this couple will make the mistake of recharging the batteries of a flat marriage by sneaking a camera into their bedroom.

Diaz and Segel’s characters panic when they realise their sex tape is on the internet.

A breezily sleazy montage early in proceedings swiftly establishes that once upon a time, Annie and Jay just couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Then came the wedding, the kids, the jobs, the mortgages and all the other anti-aphrodisiacs the modern world can throw at two lovers.

So far, so familiar? Well, if you remember Date Night with Steve Carell and Tina Fey, all you need to do is remove the gangster bits and add some implied porn. (Sex Tape delivers the slightly funnier rendition of the same basic premise, by the way.)

After Annie and Jay shoot an epic three-hour adaptation of that famous ’70s lovemaking manual, The Joy Of Sex, the old spark seems to have returned.

Jay and Annie embark on an all-night adventure to stop friends and family seeing their intimate home movie.

However, all it takes is one accidental upload to “the cloud” — does anyone really know what or where that is? — and pretty soon, family and friends alike are poised to download the marathon sex-travaganza.

What follows is a crazy all-night adventure (echoes once more of Date Night), where Annie and Jay scamper all over town trying to revoke access to their amorous amateur opus.

Put simply, they have to collect about half-a-dozen iPads, and break into offices housing a popular porn streaming server.

For the most part, Sex Tape aspires to surf the same big, broad waves of blue laughter as a Bridesmaids or a Knocked Up, but never catches a ride for too long.

At best, it’s a passable hybrid of raunch-com and rom-com stylings where the good bits just outnumber the dud bits.

Rob Lowe, who knows a thing or two about sex tapes, appears in the film.

Sex Tape (MA15+)

Director: Jake Kasdan (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story)

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, Rob Lowe

Verdict: Two-and-a-half stars. Lights! Camera! Embarrassment!

Originally published as Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel’s Sex Tape fails to raunch