Krissy Marsh and Nicole O’Neil talk about Real Housewives of Sydney season 3

Real Housewives of Sydney returns next week with plenty of twists and turns for loyal viewers. Veterans Krissy Marsh and Nicole O’Neil reveal what it’s like to be on the most tumultuous ride of their lives.

A rollercoaster. That’s how the Real Housewives of Sydney describe the new season of the show set to blow up our screens when it airs next week.

And loyal viewers surely wouldn’t expect anything less.

“This season, for us, there’s certainly been lots of twists and turns, a lot of unexpected friendships, a lot of unexpected loyalties – it’s been really interesting,” says Housewives alumni Krissy Marsh, who is taking time out from a day on the sparkling harbour to talk.

“It was a really hard season for me,” she says.

“It’s definitely been the most hardest season I’ve done – not in a bad way … it was just … hard.

“Some trips we did, some girls were there, some girls weren’t – it’s like anything in life – friendships take twists and turns and I think that’s what’s so great about the show, it has so many twists and turns.”

Real Housewives, from left: Krissy Marsh, Sally Obermeder, Victoria Montano, Nicole O’Neil, Martine Chippendale and Caroline Gaultier. Picture: Supplied

Marsh, an eastern suburbs entrepreneur, mother of three and cookbook author, joins fellow cast members Nicole O’Neil, Kate Adams, Terry Biviano, Caroline Gaultier, Victoria Montano, Sally Obermeder and newcomer Martine Chippendale for the third instalment of the voyeuristic Binge series.

Navigating adult friendships can be challenging – add cameras, the spotlight and public scrutiny and it can feel overwhelming – but she says the ride is worth it, however tumultuous it gets.

“A lot of people think it’s made up – it’s not,” Marsh, 53, continues.

“These are real friendships, it’s real life.

“We see each other outside of the show – and look, some people I do, some people I don’t – some people aren’t in my social realm whatsoever, so for me it doesn’t really matter if you have a falling out or if you don’t see them or if you don’t see eye-to-eye – because you know you’re not gonna see them.

“But then other housewives you do see socially and you do see on a daily basis.

“Kate and Martine have never been in my social circle so, for me, it doesn’t really – not that it doesn’t matter, because obviously any friendships matter – but you’re not seeing them in your day-to-day life.”

One of the RHOS trips showcased in the season was a visit to Noosa, a special place for Marsh.

“For me, obviously being in Queensland and being able to showcase my house and having the girls up there was pretty incredible – that for me was a really proud moment,” she admits.

“Every season I’ve really wanted to take the girls to show them my life.

Montano, O’Neil, Marsh and Obermeder at Noosa.

“I’m pretty much a go get ’em, jump in the water, do anything sort of person and I think to have the girls up there was fantastic – but I think you see people’s true colours when they come away on holidays, and I think that was definitely evident in both of the trips we did.

“You get to see what people are really like.

“I also think when you go away on those trips it’s to be spent together, to hang out together and have fun together – and not everyone shares that same enthusiasm and that’s always hard when you go to a lot of effort.

“I really wanted all the girls to feel comfortable and not everyone makes it on the trip, so I think that was really disappointing for me as well.”

The dynamics within the group are an ongoing issue, with rumours swirling about worsening factions that divide the group. So was it Marsh and her good friend and fellow original cast member O’Neil against the world?

“No, I definitely didn’t feel like that,” she says.

“Because I formed other strong friendships … and I think with any group of women sometimes you’ve just got to fake it to make it.

“Sometimes you’ve gotta pretend to have friendships with people even if they’re not really there, just to save the peace.

“And that’s what I found I did a lot this time.

“I wasn’t always myself … I mean, I’m always myself, but I did fake a few things just to make peace and get along. Because you know with all groups of women, if everyone was 100 per cent brutally honest all the time, I think we wouldn’t have great friendships or relationships and sometimes you’ve just got to excuse people for bad behaviour and just think, ‘well, that’s the way that they’ve been brought up’ and move on.”

O’Neil says there was a bit of kindergarten behaviour this season’.

By all accounts there were a lot of eggshells to navigate – but if you ask Marsh, there’s no tiptoeing allowed.

“I’m just sick of people … like, get a thicker skin, grow up, move on – we’re all adults here,” she continues. “So I found there was a bit of kindergarten behaviour this season, but I wasn’t gonna be the schoolteacher – I actually left that to some others and a few people really stepped up this year.”

As each season wraps, Marsh admits she sits back and questions if she’s up for being a Housewife again.

“One hundred per cent,” she says.

“And for me, I ran my own business for 15 years and I said the day that I walk into work and I’m unhappy or I don’t enjoy it any more, will be the day I won’t do it any more – and I sold my business after 15 years because of that reason. And I think it’s like this.

“It’s like any job – you evaluate it at the end, and I go – did I have fun this season? Did I enjoy my work? And if you don’t enjoy your work, then you’re not gonna continue doing it.”

So – did she enjoy it? After a pause, Marsh admits she’s not sure if she can answer that quite yet. She laughs.

“My eldest boy, it’s the first time he’s been on the show so you know that was a massive thing for him to agree to – because when I do this, I do it all – I’m not like ‘oh, I’m only gonna give you myself and not my husband’ – I literally give you my home, my pets, my turtle, my mum – everyone. So for me, it is a big thing. I open up my home wholeheartedly and it is my life.”

Krissy Marsh and Nicole O’Neil are famously close friends.

Her kids are older now – 21, 19 and 16 – and she’s never hidden things from them. The show is no different.

“I’ve always equipped my kids – we’ve lived in China, I’ve never hidden anything from them – when we had money, when we didn’t have money, I always let them know our situations, I’ve always let them know the struggles,” she says.

“I’ve had many miscarriages, I’ve let them know about that – I’ve never hidden anything from them and I’ve never said not to do it,” she says of the reality TV journey.

“I remember when I did season 1, a lot of people copped a lot of flak.

“My husband’s got a very high-profile job, internationally he is very well respected in business and he’s like … ‘I’ll always support my wife.’

“A lot of husbands are like, ‘Oh no, I’m too big and important to do that,’ but he’s literally incredible like that and I think our kids have always looked at him and gone you know what? That’s my choice – and he will support my choice, whether it inhibits his career or enhances his career – he will never care, because that’s my choice and he’ll support me. And I think that’s how I’d be with my kids.

“If they chose to be on FBoy Island or whatever, I’d support them because I think in life, you’ve got to have lots of experiences and it’s important to try new things and put yourself out there.”

Marsh, O’Neil and Gaultier go glam.

That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult, because it is – and the effects take a toll.

“It is a very difficult show to do because it is your personal life and everything all colliding, and I think that’s why when you do have fallouts with the girls, when you do have arguments, it does really affect you,” Marsh admits. “You do take it home and you do have no sleep at night.”

And while showcasing long lunches, expensive handbags and luxury homes may be their reality now – it wasn’t always, and Marsh is real about that in these times when so many Australians are doing it tough.

“Like Kate always goes, ‘I’m self-made, I’m this, I’m that’ – and it’s like if you’d bothered to ask anyone else … like, I didn’t come from family money,” she scoffs. “My husband didn’t come from the family money.

“We made everything ourselves.

“I’ve made a can of tuna go for three days – and then people turn on the other end and we see this affluent life and everything is amazing, but we’ve gone through the hard yards and worked as well.

“But I think what’s really special about this season is they do go into a lot of our struggles a lot further.

“Like certain things that I never in a million years would ever speak to anyone about, I found myself this season saying it on the show – because you’re in a situation and something will come out and I don’t want to pre-empt and give away the show, but a lot of the time things happen that you never expect are going to happen – and this season, that was a lot for me.

“Sally and I really had, like, a come to Jesus moment – because for me, if you’re going to be my friend, you have to be 100 per cent authentic. I’ve never lost friends, but I’ve chosen not to see people as much because they’re not real or they’re not giving of themselves – and like it or lump it, not everyone’s gonna love.

“For me, I finish this season and I’ve been 100 per cent authentic, like I always am.”

So was friend and fellow castmate Nicole O’Neil, who agrees the season was a hard one.

Housewives, from left: Marsh, Obermeder, Terry Biviano, Montano, Chippendale and Kate Adams. Picture: Supplied

She’s speaking from New York, where she’s spending more time to be with daughters Nawal and Neve while they live there to go to university.

“The role of a mother never ends,” she laughs. “The girls are off on their tangents and I feel like (husband) Adam and I have given them the best start that we possibly could.

“I was 24 when I became a mum, so I feel like all of a sudden, now it’s my turn – and I’m really excited about that.”

O’Neil says that spending time with her family and exploring a place as busy and bustling as New York put everything in perspective after filming wrapped.

“I’m feeling exhausted,” she sighs.

“I think that it was a very intense season – but I think for the first time in a long time, I learned to speak up for myself, and when something didn’t feel right, I stepped away.

“That was the lesson that I learned from this season – that nobody’s going to look out for you except you, so if it doesn’t feel right, then don’t pursue it. That’s how I was able to move forward with this season.”

After turning 45 last year, O’Neil says she came to a realisation that she should only do things that make her happy.

“Moving into the second part of my life – meaning kids have finished school, and now it’s about me – I’m going to do things that feed my soul,” she says. “When I go to bed at night, I want to feel good about what I’ve done, and I want to be excited for the next day.

“There were too many times in my life that I … wasn’t anxious, but I was like, ‘Oh, I have to see this person or do this with that person’ – I’m not doing that any more.

“That’s what I’m trying to teach my girls now, at this stage in their life.

“You get to university and you meet people and not everyone’s your cup of tea, and that’s OK – and you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea – and to be OK with that.

“For so long, I went around and I so wanted to be everyone’s friend, and I wanted everyone to be my friends, and I wanted to please everyone.

“Now I’m like, ‘You know what, if you don’t like me, that’s OK.’

“I feel like I’ve come out of this season of the show, and into the next phase of my life, super excited. A lot of people are worried about change, but all the lessons in my life have brought me to this point and I’m really excited about the next phase.

“I’m excited about my work.

Marsh at the races.

“I’m excited about spending time with my husband and having adventures with him, and I’m excited about seeing my daughters grow up and get boyfriends and make friends and survive on their own and grow into women.

“I’m excited about what the next chapter will bring – the anticipation is there, but it’s excitement, it’s not worry.”

Growing up, O’Neil’s girls weren’t allowed to have sleepovers at anyone’s house except their grandparents – the same rule she had as a child.

“So even if they were invited to a sleepover party, I picked them up at midnight, I dropped them back at 9am,” she says.

“And then someone said to me, ‘Oh, it’s so funny – you never let your children sleep over, but you’ve sent your daughters to the other side of the world’ – and I said, ‘Yes, but they’re 18, and as a parent, I feel like I’ve given them the tools that they needed’ – they were ready. At 13, at 14, at eight or nine, they’re not ready.

“I got to a point in my life where I realised that I was never going to please everyone, and that actually, the opinions of other people don’t matter to me unless I value those people.

“There’s that expression: ‘I don’t care what you think about me, because I don’t think about you at all.’

“People are very quick to pass judgment on whatever that may be, and draw opinions, and that’s OK, and everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and judgments – but I’m not going to let that influence me, my life and my decisions.

“Like the amount of criticism I had as a parent when I would let my kids on social media. I was told they weren’t going to be prepared enough for the real world … or when I didn’t let my kids sleep over, that I was letting them miss out on a vital part of growing up.

“Or when my kids miss school formals or dances at school because of fencing competitions, that, as a parent, I shouldn’t put so much importance on sport or whatever – it doesn’t matter.

“Whatever I did, people have an opinion, and that’s OK.

“But I realised recently that I’m going to do me, and you do you, and then we’ll be happy.

“So I’m going to stay in my lane and do what feels right for me – and so I did that.

“I think when you grow up, you realise that, ‘Hey, this is me, and it’s OK if you don’t like me.’”

So judged was O’Neil that she lost friends for even agreeing to be a Housewife.

“I lost friends over it – it was a major thorn in my side,” she says.

“It’s been a real issue.

“Like (people saying) I’ve ruined my girls’ lives because I was doing it – that I exposed them, I lost my privacy completely – and what people don’t realise is I’ve chosen to share what I want to share.

“People think they know me.

“They know a very small part of what I choose to share with people and I think that when you choose to share your life, that you have to be open to criticisms, and you have to learn to accept that and people will always have an opinion on what you do.”

Like being told her daughters were spoiled, for example.

“Both my daughters fenced for Australia, got into Ivy League universities in the US – they’re incredible.

“And they’re very high achievers because they work damn hard for every single thing that they’ve earned.

“I won’t let anyone take that away from them, and that’s what I’m trying to teach them. I’m their role model.

“I want to be around people who I want to be their role models.

“And not all my friends share the same opinions as me, and that’s OK, and that’s what I want – I want friends who are going to challenge me as a person, and I want friends who stand up for what they think is right, and if I’m wrong, tell me I’m going to be wrong. They’re the type of role models that I want for my girls.”

And her mantra has always been that Housewives is one element in her life. It hasn’t been her life, she explains, taking a sip of hot tea to help counter the New York winter.

“I think that’s the way to stay sane with something like this,” she says.

“When you do a show like Housewives – and both Krissy and I have been involved in the show for eight years now – our lives are so much bigger than Housewives.

“I think that’s the really important key message here.

“When we both did Housewives, it was a bit of fun.

“It was to add a bit of colour to our lives.

“We were both mums, we were both busy raising our kids and it was just meant to add a bit of sparkling glitter – sort of the cherry on top.

“I think it’s very important that we both remember that’s what it was always going to be.

“There are so many much bigger things happening in the world than what happens on a fun and frivolous and entertaining TV show – that’s what people have to remember, that it is meant to be for entertainment and to take things with a grain of salt – both the viewers, but also all the Housewives.”

There’s no time for small talk or connections that don’t matter. Now, O’Neil chooses her interactions thoughtfully.

“Has that person made you feel good about yourself? Have you learned something from them? Have they fed your soul? For me, that’s really important, and that’s what I say to my girls,” she says.

“I always say that I want friends in my life who are going to speak about me and stand up for me in rooms that I’m not in.

“And I have that with some of the Housewives, and I have that in my greater life – and I think that the two parallels made sure to stay true to who I am in the show because of who I am in my greater life.

“And I think that’s reflected and my journey has come through.

“I loved the filming of it, I loved the process of it.

“I love learning about it and I love the stimulation that I got from it.

“And you know, it’s not a show that I would do without my friends.

“A lot of the girls who are involved in the show are friends of mine – we agreed to do it together, and I wouldn’t do it otherwise, because, for me, I have fun hanging out with them when the cameras aren’t on, and when we’re in the green room, waiting to go on or doing press, and we actually genuinely have fun together when we travel.

“That’s why I would do the show – I had to have enjoyment from it.

“It was bringing fun into my life, and as long as that was the case, then I would be part of it – because there’s always going to be fights and there’s always going to be things, but if you’re doing it with friends, it’s OK.”

Parts of it have been fun. The highs, she says, are hanging out with your girlfriends, finishing filming at 10pm and staying up until three in the morning, chatting and talking.

“I think the low would have to be when you have a show like this, it’s an ensemble cast.

“There are no stars. I think the low would have to be when some of the girls think that they are the stars and not working as a team, and I think that breaks the group, and I think that makes it really difficult.

“That’s when there’s scratches that cannot be fixed.”

So – will O’Neil sign up for another season?

“I don’t know,” she admits, slowly.

“I don’t know – I can’t say … it depends who else does it.

“It really comes down to who the other castmates are. I wouldn’t do it unless I had a group of friends with me, absolutely.

“But at the same time, I don’t think they would do it without me – we’re all a really tight group.”
Season 3 of the Real Housewives of Sydney premieres on Tuesday, February 25, at 1.30pm AEDT on BINGE, with new episodes dropping weekly.