Meghan Markle risks looking like a Stephen King horror story
Meghan Markle is apparently planning a tell-all interview to “put her side of the story” and stop her wacky family from smashing her up every other week. Bad idea. Baaaaaad idea, Duncan Lay writes. Here’s why.
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One of the few joys of having almost all new entertainment put on hold is imagining all the exciting movies that will come our way when the crisis is over.
This week saw news that work has begun on Salem’s Lot, Stephen King’s brilliant story of vampires taking over a small American town.
This is my favourite King book and, to me, has seemed an obvious choice for a movie.
Thanks to the entertainment industry being locked down, the writers should be able to take extra time and care crafting a script that translates to the screen without ripping the heart from the book. Obviously that should go for all upcoming movies.
Too often, scripts seem rushed but, thanks to COVID-19, all the wonky dialogue and dubious plot twists should be smoothed out.
Although I guess we’ll have to listen to the banter in Fast And Furious 17 (or whatever they are up to) to know whether that has worked …
Anyway, fixing up Salem’s Lot should be straightforward. They have to keep the amazingly creepy graveyard scene. But side-plots like the sexually deviant hunchback (not making that up!) can be easily removed.
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After all, there’s probably several charitable organisations going to try and drive a stake through the heart of this movie if they keep that bit in.
It should also restore vampires to the feared monsters they once were and expunge that whole sparkly Twilight thing from our collective memory.
What I love about the book is the way the “heroes” are also flawed characters. And they have to get that part right, even the drunken priest. It’s the notion of ordinary people battling an extraordinary enemy that really drives the story.
Anyway, talking of bloodsucking parasites, I also hear than Meghan Markle is planning a tell-all interview to “put her side of the story” and stop her wacky family from smashing her up every other week.
Bad idea. Baaaaaad idea. I have two words for her: Prince Andrew.
He thought a tell-all would fix up his image — and didn’t that go well?
Obviously she has the family from hell. Not a week goes by without them sinking a knife into her back somehow. And I get it. Just sitting there and copping all that must be infuriating.
But it doesn’t matter how sympathetic the questions are framed or how well she is lit or what inspiring music is played in the background.
You don’t win the argument by getting in the gutter to throw some mud back. No matter how elegantly you do that, some of the mud still sticks to you.
I’m sure she also plans to explain her “Megxit” from the Royals. Again, in many ways, that makes sense. Who wouldn’t rather hang out with George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey rather than keep smiling as a bunch of nose-picking 10-year-olds murder Oh What A Beautiful Morning before inspecting a new rotten sock recycling centre in the afternoon with a pack of sweating local councillors?
But it won’t do her any good. She’s still going to come off looking like a vampire and the world is going to start sharpening its stakes.