Sally Hepworth explores mother-in-law relationships in new novel
Aussie author Sally Hepworth delves into the most difficult of all relationships in her latest book The Mother-In-Law. While she had no shortage of stories from friends and family, she’s one of the lucky ones who actually gets on with her partner’s mum.
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When author Sally Hepworth announced her new novel would be based around the relationship of a woman with her mother-in-law, she had no shortage of first-hand stories to draw from.
Everyone from her mother’s group to her own father-in-law peppered her with ideas for her fifth novel, The Mother-In-Law.
The only problem was Hepworth herself didn’t have any horrible stories to draw from. She is, she says, one of those annoying women who actually gets on with her mother-in-law.
“It’s funny because it’s one of those topics that absolutely everyone has an opinion about or has a story to tell,” Hepworth tells BW Magazine.
“And particularly when you’re sitting around with your mum friends, they like to get out the mother-in-law stories and I admit I borrowed a few of them for the book.
“There’s one part of the book where the mother-in-law turns off the baby monitor during a family gathering so there’ll be no disturbances … that actually happened to a mum in my mother’s group.
“In my opinion, the reason it’s such a challenging relationship is that presumably the mother-in-law has spent the better part of 30 years creating traditions and values within her family and in walks another woman with her own traditions and values that may be at odds with her own.
“This book was my attempt to take a 360-degree view of all the parties in that.”
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The Mother-In-Law tells the story of Lucy and her fraught relationship with her mother-in-law Diana.
Readers find out at the start of the novel that Diana has been found dead, seemingly of a suicide but possibly something more suspicious. The book jumps back and forth in the timeline to explain the developing relationship between the two women.
While researching the book, Hepworth says she found a Cambridge University study that claimed six in 10 women reported tension with their mother-in-law — but she believes the figure should be higher, if her anecdotal evidence is anything to go by.
“I am definitely in the minority,” Hepworth says of her positive, friendly relationship with her mother-in-law, Anne.
“But it’s always terrifying to meet your partner’s mother. I’d been seeing Christian about a year when I went to the UK to meet his parents.
“But it turned out to be wonderful, we stayed with them for two weeks and she welcomed me into the family. She even gave me a necklace with a war medal on it that belonged to her father.”
Cleverly, Hepworth presents both sides of the relationship in her book by giving voice to both women in alternating chapters.
“I wanted to include some of those horrible stories you hear of mothers-in-law,” Hepworth says.
“But I also wanted to show things from the mother-in-law’s point of view and that there might be a reason for the way she behaves. I hope that I show Diana can be aloof and cold but also that she’s not just a horrible person.”
Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw says at the heart of the challenging relationship is the fact the mother is the emotional centre of a family. And when two mothers come together in the role of daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, there can be a clash of values and personalities.
“Mothers remain pivotal in people’s minds and hearts in terms of a central role in the family,” Shaw says.
“The mother-in-law also attracts the same level of focus and it is commonly thought, and indeed experienced, that the relationship with one’s mother-in-law will be the central bridge between two families going forward. She is often seen, or imagined to be, the gatekeeper and the conduit.”
Shaw says the fragile relationship is often fraught by expectations that are never discussed, just assumed. She says the best foundation for a healthy relationship with a mother-in-law is to communicate openly about things like how traditions may change going forward.
Early reviews on Goodreads has given The Mother-In-Law a healthy 4.5-star average out of five, with one reviewer calling Hepworth “the master of domestic suspense”.
She has repeatedly been compared to Liane Moriarty of Big Little Lies fame for their shared foundation in suburban drama, a comparison Hepworth is more than happy to accept.
The mother-of-three says she gets her inspiration from all around her, often drawing on stories from the news headlines or her own experiences with pregnancy and motherhood. But this book was inspired by the most unlikely of sources — her father-in-law.
“My in-laws were staying with us after the birth of our third child because they live in the UK,” Hepworth says.
“My father-in-law, Peter, was obsessed with suggesting the topic of my next novel and one day while we were walking I said ‘It’s about a woman who murders her father-in-law’. He was thrilled and we both laughed because I’d said it as a joke, but funnily enough he had planted the idea in my head.
“Later, when I decided on making it about the relationship of a woman with her mother-in-law, he was a bit miffed at having been replaced and demanded that he have a dedication instead.
“So I dedicated the book: For my mother-in-law, Anne, who I’ve never thought about murdering. And for my father-in-law, Peter, who, on the odd occasion, I have.”
Although she’s only just launching The Mother-In-Law, Hepworth is already well into writing her sixth novel and has once again chosen an intriguing topic — swingers.
“I can tell you that swinging is very much alive and well in the suburbs of Australia,” Hepworth says with a laugh.
While researching the book, she and her husband attended a swanky swingers party in Sydney’s inner city.
“The scene has changed a lot from the 1970s keys-in-the-bowl-after-dinner scenario,” she says.
“It’s all arranged online and through apps these days, as everything is.
“My mum was freaking out thinking I had moved into erotic fiction, but I assured her it’s still very much a Sally Hepworth novel looking at three couples who go along to a swingers party for different reasons. Their worlds collide on that one night, which also involves a crime.”
* The Mother-In-Law, out Tuesday, Pan Macmillan
FIVE TIPS TO ACHIEVE MOTHER-IN-LAW HARMONY
Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw says the relationship with your in-laws, and your mother-in-law in particular, can be a challenging one as two families come together through marriage.
But there are ways to prevent conflict from escalating, or even healing a rift once it has occurred.
She offers these five tips to help foster your relationship with your mother-in-law:
1. Develop your own relationship with your mother-in-law — don’t jump on board the one your partner already has with their mum as this can be fraught with
a lifetime of experiences and conflict that date back
to childhood.
2. Take the time to evolve the relationship — don’t make snap judgments over a first few missteps. Family relationships take time to nurture, especially if you don’t get to see your in-laws very often.
3. Don’t let conflict explode — if you feel tension building, it can be wise to seek a neutral third party, such as an experienced family counsellor, to plan your strategy and to keep calm while you navigate your way through the process.
4. Don’t let in-law trouble cause a rift in the relationship with your partner — this is something that also needs to be managed before it gets out of hand.
5. Remember that people can change — over the course of a long relationship, things can improve. Be open to this and understand that everyone can mature.
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