Carrie Bickmore: ‘Why I have phone rules in my relationship’

AFTER her boyfriend accused her of being addicted to her phone, Carrie Bickmore decided to put in place a few rules.

YOU know those people who can’t be more than 10 metres from their phone?

They get anxious when they misplace it, always checking for it, even pulling it out during dinner to flick through Facebook when you are trying to have a conversation. It’s really annoying. Can’t you just put it away for a second?!

I often accuse my boyfriend, Chris, of being one of these people. Stop looking at your phone while I’m trying to tell you about my interesting day. It’s a regular source of frustration at home. His response is always the same: “You’re the one who is always on your phone! You’re addicted to your phone!”

“I am not,” I respond. “I have great self-control when it comes to my phone.” I don’t need to check it when a text arrives (I do); I can go for a walk with the kids and leave the phone at home (I don’t, though); and I definitely don’t check Instagram in the middle of a conversation (“Sorry, what did you say? I just noticed former Bachelorette Sam Frost posted a hilarious video of her dog ... look at him!”).

The other night, I settled in for movie night with my son and he protested, “No second screening, Mum.” I nearly fell out of the bed. How does he know the term “second screening”, and why is he telling me? I never do that ... do I? Am I that person? I AM that person. Oh god. Those people are the worst. So I sat there and watched Paper Planes for the fourth time and resisted the urge to check my phone. It was hard. Hard like ... not eating the entire jar of Nutella on my lap.

I think I have lost the ability to do nothing. I used to love being on flights when no-one could contact me, but now I get agitated.

On a recent kid-free getaway with Chris, we were in the most picturesque place, and after five minutes of sitting around the campfire, I pulled out my phone and started scrolling. It’s a habit. A bad habit, and I need to break it.

Our digital addiction is making us all anxious. If we don’t reply to an email within 10 minutes of receiving it, we feel tense. If we don’t get an email back within 10 minutes of sending it, we wonder what the other person is doing and why it’s not a priority.

It’s also making us rude. You’d never just turn away from someone in the middle of a conversation and walk off, or hang up midway through a call. Yet, for some reason, we tolerate this behaviour when it involves our devices. It’s not cool.

I think it’s also getting in the way of important thinking time. Time to contemplate important life decisions. It’s almost like our phones are saving us from being alone with our thoughts.

The average Aussie spends 46 hours a week glued to their screens. And so much of our time is spent telling our kids to get off their phones and tablets. We are hypocrites. Well, I am anyway.

So Chris and I have introduced some phone rules into our relationship. I know, sexy right?

It used to annoy him that I would jump on my phone within a minute of waking up in the morning, so now we don’t check any device for the first half-hour of the day. It used to bug me when he’d answer texts through dinner, so now we leave our phones in our bags when we go out, and our conversations have been so much better for it.

Yes, devices are our reality now. We are dependent on them. But we also need to notice that fact and not lose touch with the joy of the real world.

Carrie co-hosts The Project, 6.30pm weeknights, on Network Ten.

Originally published as Carrie Bickmore: ‘Why I have phone rules in my relationship’