FAFO parenting – how a very rude acronym can liberate your life
A member of the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce clan has emerged as the face of a new parenting trend that teaches kids consequences – and produces less stress for mums and dads.
Not Gonna Lie podcaster and outspoken mother-of-four Kylie Kelce has unleashed a new parenting style on parents everywhere.
It’s called FAFO parenting, which stands for F*** Around and Find Out.
Kelce, who’s married to retired Philadelphia Eagles centre Jason Kelce (whose brother Travis is going out with Taylor Swift), talked recently about raising her girls FAFO style. Kelce’s three-year-old wouldn’t wear a jacket, so she decided not to force her.
“Elliotte is very much in the camp right now where she thinks she doesn’t need one. Two weeks ago in Philadelphia it was single-digits temperature so we did have discussions that turned into arguments about putting on a jacket,” she said on a recent podcast episode.
When Kelce felt she was not getting anywhere, she said her husband “nailed it” when he asked Elie to go out to the front porch to find out how cold it was. The girl was outside for less than a minute. “Then guess what, she put her jacket on,” Kelce said.
As Kelce explained, FAFO parenting is “the act of having your kids experience the natural consequences of their actions without getting too involved”.
The term, which was first coined more than a decade ago, became popular after one mother on TikTok, Janelle, said she decided her son could “FAFO” when he refused to wear a jacket when it was raining on a Scouts camp.
“They f*** around they find out, they get the natural consequences and get to find the way through them,” Janelle said in a clip that has been viewed half a million times.
Her son got to decide for himself where he’d had enough, with Janelle saying that unless there’s a safety issue, this is how she raises him.
Parents have since posted a variety of clips showing them putting FAFO into practice.
“You’re leaving to a different house because I won’t let you sleep in our room? Seeya,” says one mum to a toddler. She opens the door for him, then less than three seconds later, the child cries to be let back in.
Another dad says FAFO parenting works like this: “It’s the same as when you let you let the kids touch the stove because you can only tell them so many times ‘don’t do it, don’t touch it,it’s hot, don’t touch it,’ until they actually touch it and they don’t touch it again.”
Another is TikToker who posts by the name “I am Lady Warrior” is from West Virginia.
She said the FAFO moral she wanted to teach her children was that she was “feral way before they were born and will always be able to whoop their tail, no matter what their age or size”.
“For those of us that have feral children, we must out-feral their feral and we have to do this for the sake of our own survival,” she said.
The mother detailed how she told her son that if he shot at her with a water gun she would throw him in the lake. He did shoot at her, the mother then retaliated and put him in a chokehold and threw him in the lake.
Educational psychologist Clare Rowe said it was imporant not to “rob kids of the very experiences that develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of personal responsibility”.
“Natural consequences don’t require yelling, punishment, or endless lectures, they’re simply letting reality do the teaching,” she said.
“Of course, it’s about safety and age-appropriateness. We don’t let toddlers ‘find out’ by touching a hot stove. But for older children, allowing them to misjudge, stumble, and correct themselves is a valuable. It’s not cruel- it’s how they build the judgement they’ll rely on for the rest of their lives,” Ms Rowe said.
Jodie Benveniste, author of teen fiction and psychologist, said that “in an era where there can be a tendency to micro-manage our kids, there’s value in FAFO parenting when it’s done compassionately”.
“Allowing your child to notice the cold and then choose their jacket is a good example of a natural consequence. It gives them agency. But putting them in a chokehold and throwing them in the lake feels like more of a forced consequence,” she said.
“More like punishment than playful. Connecting with our kids is the goal here - and helping them to learn for themselves.”
Have you ever tried to out-feral your kids or tried FAFO parenting? Let us know in the comments or at education@news.com.au
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Originally published as FAFO parenting – how a very rude acronym can liberate your life
