Barefoot Investor: How ignoring the haters is the best revenge

Not all readers are cheering for the Barefoot Investor. Here he reveals some of the angriest emails from the past year, but he doesn’t mind the haters because he just wants to “look after the battlers” — and make his dad proud.

I get to about this time every year … and declare email bankruptcy.

Yet before I do there are a few “special” emails that I collect throughout the year that deserve a special reply: my hate mail.

Yes, I may have a bestseller or two, but it sure ain’t all exclamation points and semicolons here at Barefoot.

So let’s kick things off with the winner of my angriest email of 2019, kindly sent in by a bloke called Rodney.

(If you’ve ever dealt with someone mean, my answer may help you a lot.)

Take it away, Rocket Rod.

Subject line: You’re a leech, Barefoot

I do not know how you can claim that the financial spin you spew out is all yours. I learnt the same processes as a kid, and I am in my 60s.

You do not own common sense. Perhaps you spend too much time conning the education system into paying you. I wager these kids will not even know how to fill out a cheque, let alone stamp and write an envelope. (And by the way, we were taught these things in state school in about grade 4.)

Also, I’m not impressed by you and your feeding on those in hard times — I think people who do that are called “leeches”. Have a great day.

Rodney

Yes, that’s an email I received, and he really did end it with “have a great day”.

Now, given Rod has made some assumptions about me, it’s only fair I make a few assumptions about him:

I reckon Rodney wakes up in the morning, turns on the wireless (hello, Alan Jones), and starts to get angry.

Real angry.

He yells at the radio. He barks at the cat. And he types angry (two-fingered) emails to me.

Now, at some stage you’ve probably had a Rodney in your life: maybe it was a jealous co-worker, or a bitchy friend-of-a-friend talking trash behind your back, or even a troll on social media.

The problem is that all this stuff can rob you of your self-confidence. And that can lead you to stay in jobs you don’t like or relationships you have outgrown and it wastes the precious time you’ve got on the planet.

Years of dealing with haters has taught me that the best thing you can do is to delete them and move on with your life and never give them another thought.

That’s the grown-up thing to do. Yet if you really want to mess with them, here’s how I do it, in three simple steps:

Step one: Call them up (that’ll completely freak them out).

Step two: Say, “I just want to be honest and let you know that your comments really upset me. What made you choose to behave like that?” (You’re being honest, vulnerable, and making them justify their behaviour.)

Step three: Stay completely silent … lean into the dead air if need be … and let them fill it with their ramblings.

I’ve done this with trolls in the past and it always plays out the same way: It becomes clear they hadn’t thought too deeply about me. I’m just caught in the crossfire of their deep-seated issues and insecurities. By the end of the call you end up pitying them.

Bottom line: Rodney doesn’t hate me nearly as much as he hates himself.

And that’s how I deal with haters — well, other than devoting an entire column to them …

Tread Your Own Path!

The Barefoot Investor’s financial education program is all not-for-profit.

Q&As

YOU’RE OUT FOR YOURSELF

TIM WRITES: I can tell there’s an ulterior motive to your constant bank-bashing.

You act all high and mighty about getting the “money-grubbing” banks out of our schools, but all you’re trying to do is weasel your own way into the classroom with your Barefoot Investor brand.

It all smacks to me of self-interest — I certainly don’t want you in my child’s classroom.

BAREFOOT REPLIES: It’s good to question everyone’s motives: Am I trying to build my brand? Flog books to kids? Develop a marketing database?

No, no, and no.

I’ve put more than $200,000 (so far) of my family’s money into creating my financial education program, and I don’t plan on having my Barefoot Investor branding on anything when it officially rolls out. It’s all not-for-profit.

So what’s my motivation?

The same thing that made me become a not-for-profit financial counsellor.

When I went into finance, my dad gave me this advice: “Just be sure you don’t become a wanker … look after the battlers, son.”

YOU’RE A PHONY, MR BAREFOOT

KEVIN WRITES: Mr Barefoot, you, mate, are a phony.

Your book does not give any hard plan to succeed.

All it does is give lots of homilies and hope signals. You are so far up yourself it’s a joke. You are a joke. Your mother must have thought you could do anything without even trying.

BAREFOOT REPLIES: I’ve read this question half a dozen times and I still can’t work out what you’re talking about.

Kevin, you’re like the crazy guy standing out the front of 7-Eleven yelling randomly at strangers. Oh, and leave my mother out of it!

The best thing you can do with haters is to delete them and move on with your life and never give them another thought.

YOUR INVESTMENT ADVICE STINKS

EVAN WRITES: I am a financial adviser and, while I like your advice on saving, I think your advice on investing stinks.

A young person following your super fund recommendations would end up losing hundreds of thousands of dollars over their lifetime because of your weird fetish about always choosing the lowest fees, irrespective of asset allocation.

Someone under 45 should be completely invested in growth assets, yet the fund you recommend in your book is one-third invested in defensive assets.

BAREFOOT REPLIES: Evan, you are correct. And that’s why my book, under the heading “What investment option should I choose for my super?”, says: “A ‘balanced’ fund isn’t a bad option to start with. But if you’re under 45, invest in the ‘growth’ option.”

Thanks for giving my book a light skim, Evan.

Now all these haters are making this column rather depressing.

So, to wrap things up this week, here’s one from someone who doesn’t hate me.

THANKS FROM MY FAMILY

JAMES WRITES: I got your book three years ago and since then have put your

simple solutions into action. Fast-forward to this year, the hardest year of my life.

My wife and I had our first little boy in January and could not be happier, but unfortunately my wife developed postnatal depression and was even suicidal at times.

Thanks to the “Mojo” account we had set up, I was able to take three months off work to care for my family. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

BAREFOOT REPLIES: I’m really glad things are working out for you. I might get a lot of hate mail but messages like yours are the ones that keep me going.

The truth is I don’t write for everyone, and that’s okay. I only write for my tribe, the people who get what I’m about. They aren’t flashy. They work hard, avoid debt, maintain their Mojo, and look after their family. They think long-term and keep things simple. Just like you and me.

You faced your financial fire, mate, and you got through it. You Got This!

If you have a burning money question, go to barefootinvestor.com and #askbarefoot

The Barefoot Investor for Families: The Only Kids’ Money Guide You’ll Ever Need (HarperCollins)RRP $29.99

The Barefoot Investor holds an Australian Financial Services Licence (302081). This is general advice only. It should not replace individual, independent, personal financial advice.

Originally published as Barefoot Investor: How ignoring the haters is the best revenge