Where the Pangolin Roam
Everybody loves a songwriting challenge, especially when it’s issued by an Australian company that just announced it will move manufacturing to China.
Everybody loves a songwriting challenge, especially when it’s issued by an Australian company that just announced it will move manufacturing to China.
Bedding firm Koala invites Australians to rewrite the old Aussie tune Home Among the Gum Trees:
More precisely, they want a new word for this line: "Give me a home among the …"
We can do better than that. Here’s a whole replacement verse dedicated to Koala’s new manufacturing base:
Give me a lab to make a toxin
Uyghurs to box in
A bat or two, a COVID stew
Repression out the back
Concealment out the front
And a nuclear armoury
You know, maybe that’s a little too China-centric.
For the second verse, let’s throw in some dinky-di Australian and Kiwi references to Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and their embrace of China’s Belt and Road investment initiative.
As well, why not move things forward to see how our constructive engagement with China may proceed:
You can see Xi in the kitchen
Cooking up a plan
To cut a deal with Dan
Just him and Xi, Ardern makes three
And later on he’ll make the call
That finally seals our fate
By invading from the north
There. Please send our victory mattresses and associated Chinese-made bedding products to the Daily Telegraph’s secure quarantine and decontamination facility.