THE COMMA TOUCH

By human standards, Peter FitzSimons is obviously an abysmal writer. But consider this; as a gorilla, FitzSimons might just be the finest writer of his entire species.

Get this monkey a subeditor

By human standards, Peter FitzSimons is obviously an abysmal writer. But consider this; as a gorilla, FitzSimons might just be the finest writer of his entire species.

That’s one for the evolutionary biologists to decide. Meanwhile, here’s a recent FitzSimons piece on the Eureka uprising:

As you'll recall, the whole conflagration took place in Ballarat, in the last gasp of 1854, when a multitude of miners took arms against a sea of trouble and an iniquitous British regime, to build a stockade and raise a flag, only to be stormed by the Redcoats, and have a couple of dozen killed for their trouble, while another dozen were placed on trial for treason.

Two things: I'm not sure “conflagration” was the word Peter really wanted. And he chucks commas around in the manner of a sumo wrestler throwing salt:

UPDATE. Several readers are entertaining themselves in comments by converting Peter’s sentence into something readable. Here’s my attempt:

The conflict took place in Ballarat 163 years ago, as you’ll recall, when gold miners took arms against the British. They raised a flag and built a stockade that was stormed by the Redcoats. Two dozen were killed and another dozen tried for treason. Among them was Jacob Sorenson, a Scottish Jew whose reluctance to pay the mining tax did little to challenge shamefully inaccurate cultural stereotypes.

Note that by compressing and clarifying the original prose I’ve found space to include a truly excellent joke. That’s how it’s done, Pete.