ESCAPE THE HORROR OF GLOBAL WARMING – BY LIVING IN A HOLE!

More precisely, global warming’s ravages may be avoided by living in THE hole – a warming-free anomaly in beautiful south eastern USA.

They’re happy because global warming cannot kill them

More precisely, global warming’s ravages may be avoided by living in THE hole – a warming-free anomaly in beautiful south eastern USA.

This climatic curiosity is apparently caused by boffin-defying icy air streams:

That dipping jet stream allows artic air to plunge into the Southeast. Scientists call this colder weather a “hole” in overall global warming, or a “warming hole.”

“What we are looking at is an anomaly,” said Jonathan M. Winter, an assistant professor of geography at Dartmouth College ... “The Southeast is the exception to the rule.”

Life is laid-back and lazy in The Hole

Climate change scientists say the Southeast is an illustration of how global warming is not a globally uniform phenomena. Certain regions will see different effects than others, based on El Ninos and other natural weather patterns …

Overall, daily temperatures in the hole have cooled by an average of 1.2 degrees Fahrenheit since 1958, whereas global average temperatures have risen 1 degree over the same time period.

Here at real estate Timmy’s warmth-free property paradise, we don’t just tell you where to survive the climate apocalypse – we provide immediate assistance! Please check the following list of Gaia-approved houses, all of them safely within The Hole and 100 per cent guaranteed global warming resistant.

There’s a residence for every budget, beginning with this delightful dwelling in Birmingham, Alabama. Yours for just $5750.

Or perhaps you’ve recently scored a government grant or sold a bunch of rubbish to South Australians, in which case you might be interested in this stately shack down West Virginia way.

“For sale in Ohio,” as Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young almost sang. With estimated mortgage repayments of just $115 per month, who wouldn’t want to live in historic downtown Peebles?

It’s all happening in Haworth, Oklahoma. Except for global warming, of course.

Six beds and six bathrooms await in Texarkana, Arkansas. Plus you’ll have a lake of your very own, and it’ll never evaporate. A steal at $4.5 million.

Deer, ducks and turkeys all thrive in The Hole, so why not hunt them down and eat them in New Madrid, Missouri?

A tiny slice of Illinois just makes it into The Hole, but what a slice it is. More than 157 acres are calling your name from counter-intuitively titled Metropolis, population 6283.

Muncie, Indiana, is the gearbox capital of the US. Shift up to a $409,000 Leroy Butler custom home and leave climate change in the dust.

“Virginia is for lovers,” according to the state’s official slogan. And you’ll love this $1.65 million family compound in Gate City, where the warming is always held at bay.

Further warming-proof properties demand your inspection in North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi, Florida, Louisiana and Tennessee. But don’t even think about bidding on this joint in Lexington, Kentucky.

That one is mine.