Ask the agony uncle: How do you tell a touchy feely person it’s too much?
Everyone has that one friend who never gets the hint that you’re not enjoying being petted like a lamb. Now Darren Levin’s got the solution to let them know loud and clear.
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Dear Darren,
I have one of those touchy feely friends who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space. It was endearing the first 500 times, but now I’m completely over it. Even my partner is starting to feel uncomfortable. Is there a polite way to tell them to stop?
As a human iceberg with an aversion to all forms of contact this question is giving my all sorts of feels – but not the kind of feels you’re talking about. In fact, I’ve been known to quite literally back myself into a corner at a party (remember those?) to escape the ever encroaching presence of a touchy feely friend.
Like tax returns, root canals and water boarding, these sorts of people are unfortunately part of life. It makes hanging out with them extremely awkward, especially in the company of your significant other.
On the one hand you want them to stop touching your knee in front of your spouse. On the other, you don’t want to embarrass them by recoiling in horror when they treat you to the most vigorous palm reading you never asked for. So you just sit there and cop it while the palm reading becomes a back massage that causes a 26-minute lecture about “boundaries” on the car ride home.
No more. The next time a touchy feely friend enters your autonomous zone, stand up abruptly and yell “I’m partnered!” like your relationship depends on it, which it actually does.
If that doesn’t work, it’s time to fight fire with feels. If they grip your arm, grip theirs even tighter. If they touch your face, rustle their hair. If they stroke your leg, then it’s time to – well, actually let’s just draw the line there.
A much safer and more natural repellent for touchy feely friends is aioli, so make sure to order a big tub of it when you’re at a restaurant or a bar, apply liberally to your teeth, and do your best impersonation of that other terrible genre of human: the close talker.