America, we need to talk about your toilets
There are many perks to being an Australian living in the US, but when it comes to international plumbing standards, it’s just one big soggy mess, writes Sarah Blake.
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So, after four years of misery, my husband finally did it: he posted on Facebook about how the loos in the US are just terrible.
If you’ve never been here, this is the lowdown – the bowls are super shallow, there is too much water in them, and the S-bends are ridiculously narrow.
Result? Loo paper that trails in the water, constantly blocked S-bends and just general dissatisfaction with a process nobody likes to think about too much.
For good measure, public toilet blocks are never unlocked, and don’t even try to sneak into Maccas to use the loo because you will get very short shrift.
My husband ranted on a social media page for Aussies living in the US: “THE DUNNIES here suck. Too shallow and too much water. Wet bog rog. Can‘t believe they f****d up the dunnies. WTF??”
The response: 92 comments and 79 likes. So far.
Let’s just say, he isn’t the first Australian to express a modicum of displeasure about the “wash room” facilities, which is just one of the euphemisms used here for the humble toilet, along with rest room and bathroom.
In fact, many respondents said they had imported loos from Australia and switched out their lousy Yank toilets at their own expense.
“When I first landed here and had to go to the loo at the airport, I thought all the toilets were broken because the water was so high,” said Wendy.
Melanie opined: “I gotta say, how is it that that this nation can get a man to the moon but can’t design a toilet that doesn’t block every second flush?”
While Geoff boasted: “We bought an Aussie Caroma toilet in Toronto up here in Canada.”
Deb decided to go with the Down Under dunny theme too, even though she had to dig deep for the privilege. But she hasn’t regretted it for a second.
“I got an Aussie style installed! Cost me a freaking fortune but worth every penny!”
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Marilyn was one of a handful of people who also had a problem with the privacy of public loos in the US.
“The water level doesn’t bother me, it’s seeing the people waiting through the two inch (5cm) cracks in the stalls that bothers me!”
Liani commented on another special aspect of the Yank look – the way they just auto-flush mid-session.
“How’s about the automatic ones that flush when you’re not even finished? It’s like, wait a second!”
It’s a debate that’s not going away anytime soon. After all, even President Donald Trump regularly complains about the low water pressure in American bathrooms. This week he complained that it makes it hard for him in the shower to wash his hair and keep it “looking perfect”.
Troubled times indeed.