RWC Files: Wallabies lifeline in group of death, All Blacks take flight and Sam Burgess rules OK
ALL the news, views and nonsense ahead of the Rugby World Cup. Big Sam still learning the rules, Fiji’s fate worse than death and are the Wallabies favourites?
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ROUNDING up all the news, views and nonsense ahead of the Rugby World Cup in England and Wales ...
... including Big Sam still learning the rules, why Fiji have suffered a fate worse than death and the Wallabies chances of winning the thing: an assessment in flux.
Crucially we also assess the Kiwis chances of defending their title via a very poorly drawn but accurate pie chart.
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THE MAIN ATTRACTION
Timing is everything
With less than a month to go until the start of the World Cup rugby fans across the country are in the business of pinning wallcharts up in offices and homes and playing Nostradamus in trying to pick the Wallabies’ route to the final. And it’s a pretty grim process in all truth.
England, Wales and the ‘robust’ Fijians stand in our way even before the group stages are done.
For a sport often accused of lacking international reach and board competitiveness, that’s a pretty tasty set of early fixtures.
The Irish and Kiwis, by contrast, have just Argentina and France, respectively, to fear in their groups, along with the likes of rugby ‘powerhouses’ Namibia, Romania, Canada and Georgia.
Just why Australia’s group of death is so life threatening, containing as it does three of the top six ranked sides, rests with the simple matter of timing. The pools were drawn way back in December. That’s December 2012, by the way.
At that point in time the Welsh were ranked ninth, and so in the second bucket of balls, along with Italy, Japan and Tonga. It may be too little too late for the Wallabies, but the IRB have, it seems, belatedly seen the error of their ways. And so, to the soundtrack of stable doors being bolted and horses hooves striking turf somewhere off in the distance, the decision has been made to make future World Cup draws closer than 33 months from the tournament’s first game, so as to give a more accurate representation of the competing sides’ standings.
If you want to be crowned the world’s best, of course, you shouldn’t fear facing any of the rest. But perhaps with the change of timelines we won’t have a situation where Ireland, Jonny Sexton’s good health notwithstanding, can potentially ease to the final this year having beaten just France, Argentina and, say, Wales of the top tier nations, while Australia could have a set of hurdles in the form of Wales, England, South Africa and the All Blacks to reach the showdown match.
WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
Fiji’s fate worse than death
The Wallabies, Wales and England, despite the draw, still can’t lay claim to being the most hard done by before a ball has been kicked. That honour probably goes to the Fijians.
Once Australia saw the teams they would face in the pool stage, some effective behind the scenes lobbying rammed home the point that, though some games are being played in Wales, England are officially the only hosts.
Australia were uncomfortable with the thought of facing the Welsh in their own backyard, cheered on by 80,000 rugby mad fans in the Millennium Stadium. The objection was noted and then accepted, meaning Australia’s match with Wales takes place instead in England, at Twickenham. Fiji’s movers and shakers either lack the clout the Australian suits do, or were too slow off the mark, and so will face both England and Wales in their respective HQs, opening the tournament against the hosts.
Perhaps we should have pitched for our match with them to be played at ANZ?
Big Sam’s learning curve
Sam Burgess’s conversion from rugby league great to a player of international class in the 15-man game is still a work in progress after he admitted he hadn’t quite got his head round the rules of his new surrounds.
Burgess was sin-binned in his full England debut after French full-back Morgan Parra ran at a back-peddling Big Sam after a quick tap from a penalty, drawing an instinctive tackle before he’d retreated 10m.
Quizzed on his preparedness for a World Cup in a sport he wasn’t entirely familiar with, Burgess spoke for confused schoolboys and large swathes of rugby crowds of all ages up and down the land when he responded to a journalist’s goading.
“Do you know all the rules?” Burgess shot back. “There’s a lot of rules, man. Sometimes I think that players that have played for all their lives don’t know the full rules. But I’m not going to lose much sleep over it.”
Rugby Union 1-0-1
Perhaps the organisers feel Burgess’s pain. For they have come up with an initiative to help relative newcomers to the sport make sense of what’s happening during matches in the form of an “idiot’s guide” to the game.
For a 20 per cent mark up on the original, fans at games will be able to purchase a novice-focused Ref!Link in-ear commentary device. For that they will have the option of listening to the referee, the host broadcaster’s commentary or someone patronising them to within an inch of their uneducated lives, presumably talking very, very slowly, as if they were directing a foreigner to Buckingham Palace.
Films will also be broadcast on big screens before and after matches, as well as at half-time, explaining kicking, the breakdown, the lineout and various pieces of rugby jargon. Burgess might want to keep his eyes and ears peeled.
Social drinking
After the English took disgracing themselves on foreign fields to new levels during the last World Cup — during which they had to answer questions about a player who is a member of their Royal Family getting his kicks chucking dwarfs around late night bars — it is hardly surprising their management is twitchy.
Couple that with the obvious dangers of entering the social media bearpit at a time when all eyes will be on the hosts and England have formulated a plan in the form of clear, easy to understand — *really* easy to understand — guidelines for Tweeting, ‘gramming and logging on to Facebook.
The 24 point document is full of well intentioned advice. The choices instructions probably the following:
1) Do not post when you are in a bad mood or immediately after a tough loss.
6) Fans of other teams or other players may try to provoke you via social media. Do not react to this.
14) Do not post pictures of drinking, smoking, nudity or while driving — that is illegal.
THE BREAKDOWN
Air New Zealand really don’t need any excuse to produce a convoluted and needlessly complicated air safety video. But the forthcoming World Cup has given them one anyway.
The new five minute self-indulgence sees Dan Carter and Richie McCaw tapping in to the cultural Zeitgeist and taking off the Will Smith vehicle ‘Men In Black’ franchise (men in black, All Blacks, you see what they did there, right? Right ...). However, the stars of the show are undoubtedly shame-vacuum Israel Dagg, doing for rapping what Taylor Swift does for thrash metal, and some fella called Rip Torn. No, me either.
David Campese and Martin Johnson also make an appearance, looking, to their credit, uncomfortable and awkward as some sort of ill-defined devil creatures.
All together now: “Relax, let’s go, let’s get this started, but before this plane’s departed, obey instructions from your crew — all lighted signs and placards too.”
VIEW FROM ELSEWHERE
“The Wallabies [are] a team seemingly in a constant state of potential. With every month it seems as though the Australians take a step forward and then a few more backwards. But how has it happened that every time they’ve looked so good it has eventuated to nothing?
We said it in 2011. We said the Wallabies might not win this World Cup, but they should be the favourites for the next one. They had a mix of tough forwards and brilliant backs. They just needed time to fine tune a couple of selections and build winning combinations.
They’ve had the time, but they sure as hell don’t have any idea about the combinations.”
“Australia’s backs are no longer living off scraps. Scott Sio has added ballast to their scrum, forming a front row with Stephen Moore and Sekope Kepu that is prepared to engage rather than get the ball away hurriedly. With the referee Romain Poite, the bete noire of a number of Wallaby front rows, in charge of the England game at Twickenham, the scene of so many scrummaging humiliations, the improvement will receive its ultimate test.”
WHAT ARE OUR CHANCES?
August 09
“Over recent years the Wallabies have slipped against rivals New Zealand and South Africa while slipping to fifth in the world rankings. Now they are genuine World Cup contenders after being just the second side to beat the All Blacks in the last two seasons, while also defeating world number two the Springboks to go unbeaten in the Rugby Championship.”
New Zealand Herald
August 17
“Australia’s first World Cup opponents, Fiji, expect the Wallabies to revert to starting both opensides David Pocock and Michael Hooper, and jumping locks, to reach the tournament’s playoffs. Fiji’s coach John McKee declared that “you can’t take Super Rugby game plans into international rugby” after watching the Wallabies fold to the All Blacks last Saturday.”
Daily Telegraph
Handed a place at the top table by the Kiwi media then being given taunting trash talk from the Fijians the next. What a difference a week makes, eh?
Verdict: Somewhere between 9 and 1/10, depending on what day of the week it is.
NUMBERS GAME
142
All Blacks captain Richie McCaw became the most capped player in rugby history in some match or other over the ditch this week, overtaking Ireland’s Brian O’Driscoll.
DIARY OF SAM BURGESS (AGED 26 AND THREE QUARTERS)
AUG 14
Had my first proper run out for England today. Think it went well. All the boys really getting behind me. And pushing me. Literally. Pushing me out of the way shouting “Christ Sam, you can’t do that mate, get back here you big lump,” stuff like that. Great banter. Feel really accepted.
Not sure what I’ll do if I don’t make the final cut. Cry maybe? People seemed to like it when I did that. Or I might have a go at NFL instead. That looks too easy.
THE RUGBY WORLD EXPLAINED IN (POORLY CONSTRUCTED) DIAGRAMS
Originally published as RWC Files: Wallabies lifeline in group of death, All Blacks take flight and Sam Burgess rules OK
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