Matt Lodge opens up on substance abuse, anxiety attacks
NRL ‘bad boy’ Matthew Lodge has opened up about how his controversial past, and the crippling anxiety he still suffers as a result, helped him reach his potential.
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Brisbane prop Matthew Lodge has revealed he still suffers bouts of anxiety related to his infamous New York rampage, but insists: “I don't think I would've ever reached my potential if I didn't get into trouble”.
Speaking on the eve of the NRL season opener, Lodge has opened up on a controversial past that includes partying in nightclubs by age 14, mixing Red Bull with sleeping pills at Wests Tigers and ingesting “six or seven” sleeping tablets on that now infamous 2015 flight to the US.
The 23-year-old made the revelations on a podcast with Australian UFC champ Robert Whittaker, with whom he now trains as part of his push to represent NSW.
The Daily Telegraph can reveal Lodge flew to Sydney several times throughout the pre-season to train alongside Whittaker, who also works with incumbent Blues No. 9 Damien Cook.
Earlier this week, the Broncos bookend also agreed to be interviewed on the champ's regular podcast, which included revelations of a “massive” anxiety attack suffered over summer, and only hours before he and his young family were due to leave on a European vacation.
Lodge, who cancelled the entire trip on the morning he was due to fly, said the experience was possibly triggered by the now infamous incident in which he was jailed on Rikers Island following a violent home invasion.
“I haven't told many people,” Lodge started of his anxiety issue, “but that night (before flying) I had massive anxiety. Couldn't breathe.
“I don't know why.
“I rang my dad and said ‘I can't go, I can't go’ … I was going to lose money (by cancelling the trip) but didn't care.
“I was trying to explain to my missus that I couldn't think of anything worse than going on that holiday.
“It got to 3am and I pulled the pin, rang and cancelled the holiday.
“Obviously I've still got more work to do … maybe I can go next year.”
Outstanding for the Broncos in 2018 — and part of Brad Fittler's Emerging NSW Origin squad — Lodge remains among the code's most polarising players following that night four years ago where he terrorised a young family and told two other women ‘this is the night you die’.
In the Whittaker interview, the hulking Bronco said his US jailing was effectively the end point of a worrying descent which started in nightclubs at 14, worsened at Melbourne Storm and saw him mixing sleeping pills with Red Bull while banned from drinking at Wests Tigers.
“I was throwing it away,” Lodge said before later adding: “I'm comfortable where I'm at now … I'll never again put myself in situations of not being in control”.
During the chat, it was suggested Lodge would already be playing for NSW and Australia had he never taken that US trip. But the prop disagreed.
“I don't think I would've reached my potential if I didn't get in trouble,” he said. “I was throwing it away to be honest.
“But my behaviour has definitely changed. I don't drink now. Train a lot more.
“It was a bad thing but it's helped me get back on track. I'm just lucky it happened early.”
Lodge, who insists he cannot remember anything of the US incident, also spoke openly of his past behaviour and history with ‘blackouts’.
“From 16, when I was down at Melbourne, it all related to drinking and being a bit loose,” he said. “Always came from being upset or something like that.
“I'd go out, have a drink and something bad would happen every time. I didn't drink often but when I did something bad would happen. I'd wake up and not remember it.
“Urinating in public, a fight at a party, arrested by police.
“I had an incident in Kings Cross where I pushed a bouncer. I was so young, 17 or 18.
“But it kept building up … (and eventually) led to the big incident in America.”
While banned from drinking at Wests Tigers, Lodge admitted to mixing Red Bull with sleeping pills on nights out.
“I'd tell the Tigers doctor I was having trouble sleeping … it didn't seem like taking drugs,” he said. “But it's dangerous, like sleep walking.”
Originally published as Matt Lodge opens up on substance abuse, anxiety attacks
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