Parramatta fans are all too used to the cycle of hype and disappointment
DISCO isn’t the only thing that died in the ’80s. Just ask fans of Parramatta. With our team winless after five rounds, they are being dissected and delivered last rites. But this is nothing new, writes NICK WALSHAW.
Opinion
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DISCO isn’t the only thing that died in the ’80s. Just ask fans of Parramatta.
Or at least those of us not already lost somewhere at the end of a bottle. For this what we Blue & Gold Army types do.
We drink. And cry. Fill swear jars. Kick TV sets. Then go rinse off over summer.
With our team not only winless after five rounds, not only stone motherless last and TAB outsiders again this Sunday, but now suddenly being they are being debated, dissected, even delivered last rites by everyone from Controversy Corner to the Cobar Hotel.
Crisis, the commentators shout. Apocalypse Now.
And still, there exists a simple response from anyone who wears James Hardie jerseys, remembers Chris Thorman or can simply spell Crnkovich.
NORMAN: No problem with Mitch or Arthur
BUZZ: Parramatta paying for lack of vision
This. Is. Nothing. New.
Disappointing? Absolutely.
And surprising? Yeah, a little.
But new? Um, no.
For while we Eels fans cheered the undisputed heavyweight champ of Australian sport — a 1980s phenomenon to rival Hulk Hogan, Donkey Kong, even raunchy Madonna music videos. It has now been 32 years and counting since our last premiership party.
Worse though, is how we’ve got here.
Every few winters, allowing ourselves to be swept up in the hype — and hope — of a new coach, November signing spree or Next Peter Sterling headline.
Then, splat. Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day stepping once more into that same roadside puddle Ned Ryerson calls “a doooozey”.
And so it is again now.
Just like in 2001, when Parramatta broke every points-scoring record available — then choked. Or in 2009, when caught up in a grand final run so exciting, even Jarryd Hayne’s boots arrived at ANZ Stadium via police escort.
The Eels got dusted again. By Melbourne. That same Storm outfit, you may recall, who would later be stripped of the title for salary cap cheating.
And were this the Olympics, well, Parramatta would now have that said premiership trophy in its keeping.
But it isn’t. So they don’t. Doooozey.
Indeed, despite starting this season among a shortlist of NRL premiership favourites — there’s that hope, again — Parramatta sits last. On zero points.
Not only without a win, but without answers to this latest saga being blamed, in no particular order, on the arrival of Jarryd Hayne, the departure of Semi Radradra, the struggles of Corey Norman, the swearing of Mitchell Moses, the team warming up too long, the team not training long enough, players arguing, players drinking, players bludging on the blind, a loss of confidence, a loss of Parramatta Stadium, a backline too clunky, a pack too light, no discipline, no offloads, no idea ... no hope.
Want more?
OK, well after Hayne being on-field was fingered as the problem, then him being off it was.
Club officials bemoaning his absence like one might, say, a missing testicle. Confused?
Us too.
And proof the biggest problem facing Parramatta is this: nobody has any idea what the problem is.
Which is why commentators have called for Eels players to get off the drink. And on it.
They’re convinced bonding over beers is the elixir for a team that needs to take more chances while making fewer mistakes.
Improve its output, too, while not trying so hard.
And, please, start playing for each other ... but only after making Corey Norman the undisputed top dog.
All up, more confusing than Ray Price in that praying mantis pose.
And still, is it any worse than letting a reigning Dally M medallist disappear to America without confirming his return?
Or not only cheating the salary cap, but recording said cheating in boardroom meetings?
This is the world in which Eels fans live. But don’t take our word for it.
No, go listen to a fella who understands our plight better than any ponytailed marketing type ever could.
Peter “Wally” Wynn. That 1986 premiership player whose Church Street sports store stands as testament not only his own business acumen, but the success of a bygone era.
Last December, Wynn reckons he could barely keep up to the demand for Eels jerseys, hats, beanies, bar stools, posters, stickers, key rings, all of it basically as the hype surrounding this team’s season grew.
Yet this week ... well, he’s seeing more than disappointment come through that front door.
“Now I’m seeing supporters in their early 30s who’ve never seen an Eels premiership,” Wynn says.
Aren’t sure they will, either. Which is the newest take on league’s oldest drought.
“Because Parramatta fans, they refuse to give up,” Wynn continues. “They’re an incredibly loyal bunch. But this year, geez, it’s getting tough, to say the least.
“Prior to the season opener, we were inundated with people wanting to buy gear. Especially given the way Parramatta finished last year, the hype around this season, everyone was on board.
“But with every week that goes by ... that disappointment is growing.”
Which again, is nothing new.
Sure, back in the eighties, Eels fans rode the type of endless wave that was winning four Grand Finals, two Amco Cups, even a Tooheys beer commercial.
All of us strutting about like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever — through playgrounds, office blocks, even family barbecues — thanks to legends such as Ray Price, Peter Sterling, Mick Cronin, Brett Kenny, Eric Grothe, Steve Ella, even the original Supercoach Jack Gibson.
But the last time anyone sauntered, it was 1986. Back when Eels veteran Beau Scott was a toddler. And coach Brad Arthur aged 12.
In the years since, the Eels have forever built up our hopes — think the hype around signing Kieran Foran, reclaiming Mitchell Moses, even the chic look of those black grand final breakfast skivvies in ‘01 — only to time and again fall flat.
Indeed, according to Fox Sports Statistics, the Eels’ strike-rate for making the playoffs sits at just 35 per cent since its most recent title.
Incredible, considering over the same time period, Manly has double that success. And heavyweights such as Melbourne and Brisbane, almost tripled it.
Hell, even the North Sydney Bears were batting at 50 per cent before being exiled from the game.
Worse, our run of outs shows no sign of ending. Especially this season.
With the Eels sitting stone motherless last. Least points for. Second most against. Another season looking deader than disco.
Originally published as Parramatta fans are all too used to the cycle of hype and disappointment
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