Leave it to Steve 'Beaver' Menzies to give us a rating system for NRL finals

WHICH team is worthy of your support in the NRL finals? MIKE COLMAN presents the annual Beaver Ratings to help you decide.

Matt-Bowen

AS WE finally enter the NRL finals it is time to ask ourselves the eternal question: which team do I want to not win the least.

That's the thing about footy finals, if your team is no longer breathing you have to find some reason to support someone else.

It's not always easy, but sometimes even the most obnoxious of all clubs can offer a sentimental tug at the heartstrings that allows you to set aside a lifetime of hatred and convince yourself that, OK, maybe it wouldn't really be the worst thing to happen in the history of mankind if this repulsive mob of miscreants fell over the line.

I speak of course of Steve “Beaver’’ Menzies, without doubt the nicest human ever to pull on a headgear, playing his last game in Australia in the 2008 grand final and achieving the seemingly impossible by making us barrack for Manly.

Therefore, as a guide for the undecided, I present the 2013 NRL Finals Beaver Ratings to help those of you looking for a reason to believe.

1. North Queensland

No contest really. On a Beaver ranking of 1-5 the Cowboys tick all the boxes. Coach sacked, players finally pull together, win one sudden-death game after another in an unlikely charge for their first title. If that is not enough to win you over, there is the Matt Bowen factor. Universally loved, admired and respected, every match Bowen plays could be his last. Disney should make a movie.

Rating: Five Beavers

 

2. South Sydney

The club that wouldn’t die, owned by the Hollywood star who won’t stop Tweeting. The one time Pride of the League are on track to perform the greatest comeback since Lazarus played in the centres for Bethany reserve grade. The only question mark is whether they have gone overboard on the whole Burgess thing. Seriously, does any team really need that many? One's good, two's great and the twins is a nice touch, but four? It's just showing off.

Rating: Four Beavers

 

3. Melbourne

Yeah, I know what you're saying, Enough already. Even when they get stripped of titles and Izzy and GI, they still keep winning everything. But every week they stay alive is one more week we can watch The Big Three in action. Surely they rate one Beaver each, just for that.

Rating: Three Beavers

 

4. Newcastle

Let's hear it for the old blokes. You've got Wayne Bennett who is arguably the most popular non-drinker in the annals of rugby league (OK it's a small field, but still . . .), you've got Danny Buderus who put Dally Messenger in for his first try, and you've got Willie Mason who was on the other side but went high and missed the tackle. You'd also have Craig Gower, but his gout is playing up. Throw in the Dane Gagai redemption story and it's almost Biblical, but Mason and Darius Boyd are in the love 'em or hate 'em category, so this side won't be for everyone.

Rating: Two and a half Beavers

 

5. Sydney Roosters

I'm looking for reasons to like the Roosters but to be honest it's a hard sell. Anthony Minichiello is playing pretty much a lone hand. Nice bloke, back from shocking injury, been around forever and looks like a Sesame Street character, but is that enough? The Channel 9-SBW man-love thing makes me want to take a shower every time they are on the telly and as for Mitchell Pearce, I don’t think so. Get back to me when they give Daniel Mortimer the No.7 jumper.

Rating:Two Beavers

 

6. Cronulla

Some might argue the Sharks have got a lot going for them. Coach seems a good style of bloke, Beau Ryan has a cult following and given the pressure they've been under with the drug saga, just making the eight is huge. On the other side of the coin, they could be cheats and Paul Gallen plays for them.

Rating: One and a half Beavers

 

7. Canterbury

The Doggies got support last season because they allegedly reinvented the game. This year they've gone back to the drawing board and forgot to pack the crayons. Ben Barba has lost a lot of his gloss, Todd Greenberg is in a pickle and no one can understand a word Des Hasler says and Michael Ennis is a serial pest.

Rating: One Beaver

 

8. Manly

Oh pur-lease. No Beavers for you.