‘Identity crisis’: Queensland has becomes its own worst nightmare

Comment: Queensland have long been the gold standard for State of Origin, but they’ve lowered their colours in bizarre fashion.

Queensland have become its own worst nightmare. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

COMMENT

The only time NSW fully unites behind its Origin team is to corral them in to the town square for a pelting.

But in 2024, belief is high we finally have a side we can support for something other than forced emigration.

And the source of this rare enthusiasm?

Our selectors opposing every ideological urge and picking a side of New South Welshmen who play like Queenslanders.

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Filled with 80-minute brawlers that could outlast a sherper at altitude, Michael Maguire’s squad matches Maroon DNA so closely that you can almost smell the Tropicana.

While picking a Queensland-style side has meant a slight imbalance of edge backrowers — and that preparations risk being interrupted with a contrived mystery illness — it’s a side designed to hold the Maroons demonic work ethic at bay.

Even Phil Gould agrees, with the Blues godfather lauding the squad for its “Queensland Origin mentality” and potential to “work hard from the first moment to the last, right across the field.”

Sure, it will take some getting used to — not only supporting a NSW team of de facto Queenslanders, but also one that “works hard” — but thankfully we’re not the only state undergoing an unlikely rebrand.

Up north, Queensland are in the grip of a similar identity crisis.

Billy, what have you done. (Photo by Daniel Pockett/Getty Images)

By gaslighting David Fifita, picking every out-of-form Cowboy available and rounding it off with a winger on the bench, the Maroons are in the midst of a living nightmare.

They’ve become NSW.

Where did Queensland’s selection policy go so pleasantly wrong?

There was a time picking their side was an algorithmic practice so straightforward it could underpin the AI carrying your kids through high school.

Pick three Melbourne Storm players, 65 per cent Broncos and a Walters brother, then fill the remaining positions with redheads and Kiwis, and the job was done.

It was a method that served the state tremendously for years, hence why it’s nuts Billy Slater has binned it in favour of being tricky.

In simple terms, the Fifita omission is a burger of lies that makes Nico Hynes’ axing last year seem as compassionate as re-homing a puppy.

Claiming the Titan “hasn’t lived up to his standards” despite being one of the Gold Coast’s best in 2024 has seen Slater accused of being everything from a Roosters apologist to a Dally M judge.

But worst of all, it means he’s overseen the kinda Blues-style selection balls-up that morally impeccable Queenslanders have sustained themselves on for decades.

And his decision to pick a winger on the bench?

I did everything I could ... and it wasn’t enough. (Photo by Chris Hyde/Getty Images)

For every Chris Walker in a #14 jersey, NSW has berthed 10 Kurt Gidleys captaining from the bench and three wasted minutes of Clint Gutherson.

And usually, much like a crazy rich man compared to a mad hobo, because it’s the Blues it’s slammed as “weird” while Queensland is praised as “eccentric”.

But carrying Selwyn Cobbo in this current team is like taking out flood insurance on your Dubai penthouse, and if he gets four complimentary minutes in the front-row when the lights are off then he’s lucky.

In saying this, for all Queensland’s ails, we’re not immune from our own miscarries down here.

We’ve picked a one-legged halfback and a bloke who doesn’t want to play rugby league, plus anointed a new captain simply because he’s universally loved and spits when he talks.

Yep, it’s business as usual, but only this time it’s different.

This year it’s different for the Blues. Picture: Rohan Kelly

Queensland have lowered themselves to play us at our own game, and as such, they should heed this warning:

When it comes to selection malady, the Blues have been training at altitude so long that axing our incumbent captain barely rates a mention.

Add our new look side of substance over style, and your overthinking, self-cannibalising Blues-esque Queensland side is plump for the taking.

The roles of Origin have been reversed, and it’s only a matter of time before you’re building up every debutant as the Ipswich Jesus and discarding them like Brett Kimmorley when they don’t turn water to wine.

- Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad. He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Originally published as ‘Identity crisis’: Queensland has becomes its own worst nightmare