Former NRL star Nat Wood reveals harrowing CTE battle and suicidal thoughts
Nat Wood, the 81kg retired rugby league player who took on giants for two decades, has opened up on his devastating CTE battle, and made a heartbreaking confession. WATCH the video.
They were the horrifying thoughts that former NRL star Nat Wood couldn’t escape.
A confused Wood felt worthless and guilty even just thinking about it. Being someone who contemplated suicided wasn’t who he was – he loved his wife and kids too much.
He didn’t want to die, but he was dogged by morbid anxiety.
Keeping his struggles private, Wood even worked out how he would end his life.
“What the f..k is going through my head?” he would ask himself.
His grief came after showing symptoms in mid-2023 of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain disease that can only be clinically diagnosed after death.
It is caused by repeated head trauma - and Wood suffered about 30 concussions through his 114 first grade games for Balmain, Sydney Roosters and New Zealand Warriors between 1993 and 2001.
He also played 110 games in England for Warrington and Wakefield Trinity.
Wood, now 53, started playing first grade at just 70kgs and finished at only 81kgs - a genuine lightweight in the age of physical giants.
He was banged up and bashed in footy – and the ramifications are now clear.
Wood last week finally worked up the courage to tell his mum, Wendy, that he could have CTE. She replied: “You told me that eight months ago.”
He didn’t remember.
In a bid to stave off his degenerative brain disease, Wood goes to sleep every night desperately trying to recall every moment of his day, which generally starts at 5.15am when he lets his dog, Roy, out of the house for a quick walk.
But Wood’s memory fails him and it leaves the ex-utility player feeling shattered for the future of his wife, Tami, and four kids.
His former wife, Jaime, the mother of his two eldest kids, is the daughter of notorious Sydney underworld figure, Arthur ‘Neddy’ Smith.
Yet rather than wallow, Wood has started fundraising for the Sydney Brain Bank at Neuroscience Research Australia (NeuRA) and raised a whopping $12,700 in the first week of what he calls the 99Hiitbox Standing 8 Punch and Burpee Challenge.
As part of the NeuRA’s research, Wood will this week undergo a connectivity scan developed by a specialist team which uses an MRI to detect, map and quantify the activity of neurons in the brain.
But this isn’t just about him.
“There are heaps of us suffering in silence,” Wood said.
His father, Barry, who played 93 NSWRL games for Souths, Newtown and Norths between 1970 and 1979, while also representing Sydney Firsts in 1970, suffers Parkinson’s disease.
His brother, Garth, a former boxer who knocked out Anthony Mundine in a 2010 bout, also endures memory issues.
Earlier this week, Wood took a two-hour tour around the Sydney Brain Bank at Randwick - a bio-banking facility that collects, characterises, stores and distributes human brain and spinal cord tissue for research into disorders of the brain.
He walked with Associate Professor Claire Shepherd to learn more about the disease which has gripped his life.
Wood wanted his story told, even though he broke down in tears three times during the interview.
“This story has to be honest,” he said.
MENTAL DEMONS
Wood hated himself for harbouring suicidal thoughts.
But, CTE, coupled with ongoing surgeries from a work accident, and twice-weekly migraines, placed unwanted turmoil in his head.
“I kept having the same thoughts about how I would kill myself and I hated that I couldn’t get it out of my head,” he said.
“They were shit thoughts and I just couldn’t understand why.
“I felt like a weak bastard or soft c..k because I was brought up to cherish life.
“If dad knew how I was thinking, he would say, ‘You f…ing idiot, why are you thinking like that?’ I used to think, ‘How do people kill themselves?’
“It was alarming.
“I would also think, ‘What the f..k is going through my head?’”
He couldn’t shake it, and had no control over it. It was driving him mad.
“I was going to dark places and was in a shit place. Not being able to control these thoughts and fighting with myself was causing anxiety and stress,” Wood said.
“The last thing I want to do is die. I love my family, but I was just finding it impossible to stop having these thoughts and that made me feel super guilty.”
Sometimes he would simply just feel worthless.
“I have never been a person to think about doing something stupid, but I was contemplating how I would kill myself. When I was in a rut, I kept thinking how I could do it,” he said.
“When I was really down in the dumps, I was thinking, ‘This isn’t me’.”
He remembers being asked after his test results whether he had dark thoughts.
“I said, ‘Yeah I do.’ A large majority of NFL players who have CTE kill themselves,” he said.
“But those thoughts are few and far between now because I’m proactive in what I’m doing and my energies are going into improving myself. If I can’t figure out a way to help try and cure CTE, then try and figure out a way to slow it down.”
A CTE VICTIM
Aside from Wood, league legends Wally Lewis, Mark Carroll and Mario Fenech have also been diagnosed with probable CTE in recent years.
Symptoms include cognitive impairment, mood changes and movement issues.
“My MRI report says I have stage two, CTE. I think there are five stages. I didn’t want to know because knowing made me stress out,” Wood said.
“The most noticeable (symptom) was in myself. I am usually pretty quick-witted and always enjoy a joke but I was struggling to maintain conversations.
“I had a serious brain fog for quite a while. I wasn’t remembering things and my recall was pretty ordinary compared to me at my best.”
He was no longer sharp, was getting anxiety, and wasn’t himself.
“I couldn’t think properly and felt like I was walking around concussed. I used to be a social butterfly but I now refrain from going out anywhere,” he said.
“I am a homebody with my boys. What rocked me when they first told me were their concerns about the bad thoughts I was getting.”
SHATTERED DAD
A tearful Wood spoke of his fears when discussing family – Tami and kids Jagger (4 years old), Tyler (9), Kaede (27) and Raecin (30).
Asked if he was frightened for his future, Wood said: “Yes, definitely.
“I’m frightened of not being with babies, not being with my wife, not being with my loved ones – being a burden on my family, not being me. My boys are my everything.”
It makes him emotional just talking about it.
“My routine is to read my two little boys a story when I go to bed. We lay there telling stories until they fall asleep. I do this every night,” Wood said.
“Then I go into my own routine of trying to recall my whole day, from when my dog wakes me up at 5.15am to take him to the toilet.
“I always remember that part of my day but I haven’t been able to recall a full day for 12 months and that makes me really emotional.
“I lay there with my kids and it stresses me out that I can’t memorise my day. It’s so hard and I usually go to bed feeling down.”
TELLING WENDY
It was a sad moment which ultimately made Wood laugh.
“This is the funny side of the story,” he said.
“For eight months I had been wanting to tell mum and dad. I love dad that much but he has Parkinson’s so he’s on medication and I didn’t want to add to his stress.
“Last week, Mum and I were walking to the car and I finally told her, ‘I’m all good but I got tested for CTE and I got a pretty bad report’.
“She said, ‘Are you serious? You told me that eight months ago.’”
He wouldn’t remember telling her.
“It was actually funny. Wendy is the rock of our family. She lives in a house full of broken noses and forgotten promises,” he said.
HOW AND WHY
Wood will always love rugby league.
But he believes the game has more than likely brought on his CTE.
“I couldn’t tell you how I got it but I did have 30 concussions in my football career and that’s got to have some kind of impact,” Wood said.
“My first really bad KO was when I was 19 and I would have been knocked out twice a year until I retired at 35.
“My first concussion was from tackling Stephen Kearney in the under 21s out there at Campbelltown and I went blind.
“After the game, my vision turned upside down.
“That next morning, I woke up completely blind and they rushed me to hospital and I was in intensive care. My vision came back 48 hours later.”
The incident forced him to sit on the sidelines for a year.
“And they told me I possibly wouldn’t play again,” he said.
“I was 70kgs at the Tigers, 75kgs at the Roosters and I finished at 81kgs when at Warrington. I played a lot at hooker and played well above my weight.”
HYDROGEN SOLUTION
A hopeful Wood has come across a hydrogen therapy he will use for the next three months, which began on Thursday.
Hydrogen is the smallest molecule in the world, which allows it to get into the brain.
“It felt like it gave my brain a flush out for six hours,” he said.
“The science behind the therapy is that hydrogen, due to its antioxidant properties and ability to reduce Oxidative stress, can help protect brain cells and promote cellular recovery.
“I’m going to be using this therapy from now on to help with my recovery and rehab for my ankle replacement on December 6.”
He was initially sceptical of the treatment.
“But after having this therapy I could recall my day really clearly and I didn’t have any brain fog. I was laying there in tears (of joy),” he said.
“Dad hasn’t had all the tests but he has Parkinson’s and Garth is going to get tested but he’s in the same boat as me when it comes to memory, if not struggling more.
“If this therapy helps me then I want to give it to my dad and brother.”
THE FUNDRAISER
The Brain Bank gets money from philanthropists but they don’t get enough funding. They need $700,000 a year to continue their research.
So Wood is now trying to raise money for CTE research and the Sydney Brain Bank through a fundraiser called the 99Hiitbox Standing 8 Punch and Burpee Challenge.
People can sponsor themselves or a mate.
“You have to punch for 30 seconds, do burpees for 30 seconds, and punch for 30 seconds on the Hiitbox, which is a punching bag that counts your punches, heart-rate and calories,” he said.
“I have had that many people come down and do it at (Maroubra Beach).
“It’s a 90 second challenge that I hope gets momentum to raise money for the Sydney Brain Bank, like the Ice Bucket Challenge and Push-up Challenge.
“Every donation - big or small - helps drive urgently needed research into CTE, brain trauma, neurodegeneration, and mental health.
“Friend me on Facebook and go to the link. I’d love to run some challenges in gyms.
“If gyms or footy clubs want to help us raise funds for CTE research they can contact me at nat@thehiitbox.co.”
HELP VIA TV
Wood wants the NRL to offer more medical help for former players struck down with CTE.
“People aren’t aware that blokes like me are dealing with this shit,” he said.
“Put a phone number on the bottom of the screen during the footy which says, ‘If you feel like you’re suffering the effects of CTE or brain trauma then contact this number’.
“That would be helpful. We all sit watching the footy.”
He has been inundated with ex-players reaching out thinking they have CTE, and asking questions about the process.
“I don’t have the answers,” Wood said.
“Ex-players struggling should be told who they can turn to.
“There needs to be a shake-up in how the NRL looks after us. I have had six or seven ex-players contact me with the same symptoms.
“I think there should be some way that ex-NRL blokes can contact someone to get tested. We need some kind of funding to get this rolling.”
Asked whether he would leave his brain to the Sydney Brain Bank, Wood said: “I’m seriously contemplating doing it.”
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Originally published as Former NRL star Nat Wood reveals harrowing CTE battle and suicidal thoughts
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